So far in this series:
Part 1: Only the moral life can bring happiness, and suffering is part of the journey.
Part 2: Resources for and thoughts on teaching the Ten Commandments.
As I take down the Christmas decorations (a days' long process, and not a pretty sight), I am so happy that I remembered to order some paper whites to help me greet the emerging sunniness!
My recent reading has converged on this idea we are discussing, of the moral development of children. Well, of course it seems that way to me, since our moral life is intrinsic to our nature — we were made to be good, to respond to goodness, to love the good. So naturally, everything reminds me of this beautiful truth!
We did suffer the Fall, and thus there is a division introduced into life, where we have trouble with being good — trouble for ourselves and when it comes to teaching our children. But if you pay close attention to the readings at Mass, you will see how often the Church brings our attention back to loving God's law.
The other day was noticing the familiar reading from the Divine Office on the Feast of St. Anthony, taken from the sixth chapter of Deuteronomy:
The law of love
These are the words that Moses spoke beyond Jordan to the whole of Israel:
Listen, Israel: the Lord our God is the one Lord. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. Let these words I urge on you today be written on your heart. You shall repeat them to your children and say them over to them whether at rest in your house or walking abroad, at your lying down or at your rising; you shall fasten them on your hand as a sign and on your forehead as a circlet; you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
When the Lord has brought you into the land which he swore to your fathers Abraham, Isaac and Jacob that he would give you, with great and prosperous cities not of your building, houses full of good things not furnished by you, wells you did not dig, vineyards and olives you did not plant, when you have eaten these and had your fill, then take care you do not forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. You must fear the Lord your God, you must serve him, by his name you must swear.
Do not follow other gods, gods of the peoples round you, for the Lord your God who dwells among you is a jealous God; his anger could blaze out against you and wipe you from the face of the earth. Do not put the Lord your God to the test as you tested him at Massah. Keep the commandments of the Lord your God and his decrees and laws that he has laid down for you, and do what is right and good in the eyes of the Lord so that you may prosper and take possession of the rich land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers, driving out your enemies before you; this was the promise of the Lord.
In times to come, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the decrees and laws and customs that the Lord our God has laid down for you?” you shall tell your son, “Once we were Pharaoh’s slaves in Egypt, and the Lord brought us out of Egypt by his mighty hand. Before our eyes the Lord worked great and terrible signs and wonders against Egypt, against Pharaoh and all his House. And he brought us out from there to lead us into the land he swore to our fathers he would give to us. And the Lord commanded us to observe all these laws and to fear the Lord our God, so as to be happy for ever and to live, as he has granted us to do until now. For us right living will mean this: to keep and observe all these commandments before the Lord our God as he has directed us.”
Responsory
℟. The law of the Lord is perfect: it revives the soul. The rule of the Lord is to be trusted, it gives wisdom to the simple.* The command of the Lord is clear, it gives light to the eyes.
℣. He who loves his neighbour has satisfied every claim of the law: the whole law is summed up in love.* The command of the Lord is clear, it gives light to the eyes.
And it's on hearing the Gospel of the Rich Young Man (the reading for his feast, Matthew 19:16-26 — all the readings for his Mass are here) that St. Anthony sold all he had and basically founded monasticism.
“Let these words I urge on you today be written on your heart. You shall repeat them to your children… ”
At the moment, I'm reading a fascinating book about a gentleman who is a favorite here, John Senior. I've come to the part where he is realizing that he is not succeeding as a professor when he, so to speak, brings his students to the waters of Thomas Aquinas and expects them to drink.
The modern student, the student who lacks basic human formation, simply cannot.
Senior sees that their inability — not only to understand the text, but even to be sparked by the light of knowledge — has to do with a lack of imagination and connection with reality. From the book:
“The Summa Theologiae [the text by Thomas Aquinas he wants them to read] contains clear refutations of reasonable heresies [by this he means simple errors] but scarcely touches anyone who disbelieves in the very difference between truth and error.” Senior found that his students simply did not recognize “the absolute difference between ‘is' and ‘is not.' “
This he calls an “unreasonable” heresy — there is no reasoning with a person in this condition, as they have not the faculty of reasoning.
As I mentioned long ago here on this blog when I was trying to stress the importance of disciplining children, this basic habit of “liking and disliking what he ought” must be nurtured in a child when he is very young, as the ancients tell us, or else he arrives at this pitiable state of not being able to move on to abstract reasoning. He becomes impervious to moral thought, and hence, to moral action. He is at the mercy of his appetites — or, more seriously, of the will of those who are more powerful than he.
This fundamental observation explains why I pretty much despair when someone remarks that the trouble with the state of marriage in our society is the state of “marriage prep,” as if a class during the weeks before the wedding can rectify a lifetime of moral neglect.
The reality is that the proper formation takes the form of organic life, directed by loving parents and teachers — not a program.
Senior came to change his approach to teaching, realizing that the student's preparation takes place outside the classroom and long before he arrives there, if his mind is to be open to truth.
The child, briefly stated, has to be connected to reality at an early age, or the chances that he will be able to function as a free adult (freedom being precisely the ability to control oneself morally) will be low; far less will he be able to tackle intellectually rich fare later in life.
But even if a person doesn't go on to study philosophy, his life will be destroyed by the “unreasonable” heresy — the failure to know that good and truth, above all, exist.
In education, Senior says, “Learning is gradual and first things must come first.”
So I keep coming back to this.
When your children are very young, you might not think you are giving them a moral education by nurturing their imaginations with good stories; their senses with good contact with the world as it is outside, in the fresh air, under the stars; and with your loving (and sometimes exasperated) insistence that they not be naughty but that they try to be good. It all seems so messy, and so slow, and so very, very unproductive,
But you are; you are nurturing them.
You are nurturing the moral life when you say to your three-year-old, “Go wash your hands,” and he comes back in a minute and says, “I did,” but you see that he didn't, so you say, “Don't be naughty — when I tell you to wash your hands, you must do it”; when you say, “Don't hit your brother, that's naughty — go help him climb that thing”; you are establishing reality for them, in the only way they can apprehend it, through you. Don't forget that God is Father. He gives us earthly fathers so that we can come to know Him.
“We are a rooted species,” Senior wrote, “rooted through our sense in the air, water, earth, and fire of elemental experience.”
I would add: and through our fundamental relationships in the family!
Later, around the age of reason, when the child has the habit of obeying and has a growing awareness that the world is a big place, you can start the gentle process of acquainting him with God's law — helping him lift his eyes up from his mother and father to the universe that awaits him.
Here are a few more resources for you.
As your child moves out of Bible stories and into reading actual Scripture, the Child's Bible History will help him to grasp the overall sweep of Salvation History. This book is not a Bible and it's not a catechism, but it's very helpful for understanding both. Use the questions after each section as prompts for discussion — a simple narration of the text will be fine and fix it in his memory.
The Penny Catechism is a supplement to the Baltimore Catechism I have recommended in the other posts. It's really helpful for an adult too. Honestly, this little book is worth a million motivational volumes about becoming a dynamic Christian etc etc. What we need is for our consciences to become informed, and the Holy Spirit will do the rest.
At the back of the Penny Catechism you will find helpful prayers and a short “Christian's Rule of Life.” What is a rule of life? It's simply the few habits that you want to have to stay on track. Contrary to what you may think, it's not at all burdensome or anxiety-producing to have a “rule,” far less is it complicated — it's simple and freeing, especially when you realize that you just choose one thing at a time to concentrate on, perhaps mentioning it to your spiritual director (usually the priest you go to Confession with).
For a child, I hope you can find this charming book, A Child's Rule of Life. Robert Hugh Benson gently and poetically shows the child what “a day in the life” looks like. A quick search doesn't turn it up for sale, but you might come across it in a second-hand shop. It's very sweet. You may be able to order it here.
Lorelei says
I found a child’s rule of life in paperback on Amazon through two different sellers. I prefer hardcover, but not for $80.00…
Melissa D says
Here it is in the public domain: http://mammana.org/rule1913/
Elaine says
What a beautiful book! I wanted to point out thelovely illustration of a family with many children on p. 13.
Since the book is in the public domain an out of print, I’m thinking of printing it out from the above link and binding it into a book for my grandchildren. There are many book-binding tutorials on line-haven’t checked them out. Waldorf schools teach children to bind books. Great project for a grandmother, or a crafty teen.
Noel Miller says
So good! I was especially struck by this: “He is at the mercy of his appetites — or, more seriously, of the will of those who are more powerful than he.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people argue that it is unfair to teach your young children unquestioning obedience to you (the parent) because then they just grow up to obey the powers that be unquestioningly. To the contrary, failure to aid the child in the development of a strong moral compass as a child means they are absolutely lost, both a slave to their own appetites, and as you said, “those who are more powerful than he.”
Stephanie says
Noel I agree! And I am not sure some parents realize the sense of security a little one can get when they know they need to obey mama and papa.
Kate says
I love “A Child’s Rule of Life.” Fortunately, I bought it way back in the 80’s when Neumann Press first reprinted it. I keep stumbling across so many out-of-print books that somebody should reprint. But, of course, there’s no money in selling to the niche market of Catholic families. A Catholic millionaire should take on this apostolate! If I could corner one, I’d definitely brow beat him/her into doing so. “No, you won’t make any money, but think of your heavenly reward for helping preserve Catholic culture!”
Claire says
Thanks for this beautiful post! Wanted to add that those interested in previewing the Robert Hugh Benson book can do so here: http://mammana.org/rule1913/
Stephanie says
Leila! Thank you! This is wonderful. I love how you point out how what we do in our homes, the nurturing, is a slow messy but very good and holy work! I am reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Vicktor Frankle and his work has convinced me even more that RIGHT NOW is when our children build those imaginations and creativity to survive LIFE. Frankle pointed out in the grueling work concentration camps sometimes the most robust and able bodied men were the first to die…it was the strong of mind that somehow survived the hell, those who found meaning in their suffering. I wept when Frankle wrote how he would imagine, hourly, conversations in his mind with his wife not evening knowing if she were dead or alive. We foster a love for the true and beautiful for our children so when those things ARE taken away they still have the ability to HOPE. Like when Dante walked out of the Inferno to stand and look up at the stars again!! God Bless, write more about this ALWAYS! xxoo
BridgetAnn says
“It all seems so messy, and so slow, and so very, very unproductive, …”
Yes! We’re in this stage now in our neck of the woods.
“But you are; you are nurturing them.”
Thank you for your wisdom and encouragement!
Kelsey says
This – “a lack of imagination and connection with reality” – perfectly describes what I have been observing in so many of the people I interact with regularly. It’s like we’re not talking on the same plane about anything, and are unable to breach the divide. I feel like I’m in The Matrix and swallowed the red pill… of course, the truth I have embraced is beautiful and full of hope, unlike the “truth” shown in that film!
Erin says
It looks like Neumann/TAN is no longer printing it, but a press I’d never heard of called Mother of Our Savior is (in paperback I think): https://www.traditionalcatholicpublishing.com/n-rule.html
Logan says
The comments by/about John Senior were very interesting. Is there any resolution in the book, I wonder? As in, what do you do then from that point on with the students your are obligated to teach? You can’t go back and re-raise them, so what to do? I also feel dismayed (not at you) but by the hopelessness you imply about the poor formation of people and how that can’t be rectified later. Are you implying that?
Anamaria says
I haven’t read Fr. Bethel’s book but I did a bit of research about the Integrated Humanities Program for an article I wrote (our bishop, Archbishop Coakley, was in the program, so I researched it when he was appointed here in Oklahoma City). It is very different from many great books programs. The reading load was light, allowing the students to enjoy what they read and they memorized poetry. They learned to waltz and stargazing. Perhaps they did many of the things that they should have done as children. Here is an article about it, not necessarily the best one but what I found the quickest: http://www.ncregister.com/site/article/where_wonder_cultivated_catholicity
I’ve seen some other good articles on it published in rather obscure places. The heart, yes, is the motto: “Let them be born in wonder.”
Thank you for the rich post, Auntie Leila!
Leila says
Logan, Senior’s whole life’s work comes down to an answer to your question about what a teacher does. I understand your sense of dismay, I really do. This is why the mission of this blog is to help parents NOW to create a home where children can develop as they ought.
The thing is, everything living must develop according to its nature. There really aren’t shortcuts. If you’ve ever raised tomatoes from seeds, you have experienced this — every year I try, with my lack of south-facing exposure, but the fact is that a weak seedling ends up as a weak plant that doesn’t produce much, despite all the compost I heap on it later on.
Children too must develop according to their nature. The great lie of today is hiding from parents the fact that the “seedbed” is vital — giving everyone the idea that it doesn’t matter where a child is as a toddler, or what kind of education he gets in elementary school, or who takes care of him. It’s not complicated, but it’s not easy in our society to begin with marriage as a commitment to each other, husband and wife, and to the life you are building together, and to sacrifice for home life.
In the context of my posts about morality, I am trying to drive home the point that one must teach the precepts (the 10 commandments) at the appropriate age — and most people have abandoned them. But they are the necessary but insufficient moral preparation! There is so much more, all of which amounts to family life, for as Pope St. John Paul II taught us (in Familiaris Consortio), the family is the “school of virtue”.
So are those who were left to their own devices lost? Without in any way diminishing the responsibility that parents have, I have to say that the good news is that the Savior saves! We shouldn’t lose hope! And as far as teaching, I highly recommend not only reading Senior’s books (especially the Restoration of Christian Culture) but also looking into the many institutions that his ideas helped to fertilize. For instance, you will find that at our small Catholic colleges there is a lot of emphasis on being outdoors, on the arts, especially music, and on connecting with real life outside of books, so that the connection with the Great Books and the intellectual life can be made (and also for the sake of those things themselves). Anamarie, above, has mentioned the program in OK. There is also Wyoming Catholic College, explicitly founded on Senior’s principles, and Thomas More College, which owes a lot to his ideas. There are many small Catholic high schools that use his ideas.
Many adults (like me) felt a lack in their own education and upbringing and sought something different for their children — their experience testifies to the ability to be awakened later on.
So remedies can be found. But I think we have all encountered people whose minds have closed. They are sadly not open to reason, or the spark is so low that we can’t seem to reach them. Jesus can, we can’t. So we can’t let go of nature, of reality. Things must develop according to their nature!
Mrs. B. says
As Leila says, nothing is beyond God’s reach. Many conversion stories are incredible, given the premises, and yet God does work wonders starting from the smallest seeds, from a person’s mere openness to idea of Him. God doesn’t deny Himself if sought, even confusedly sought – maybe even half-heartedly sought 🙂
But I think Leila’s point is that parents cannot sit and relax, and bank on a miracle later on.
Mrs. B. says
Honestly, my biggest fear is that my mistakes, faults, and shortcomings can undo all the things we do get right as a family. But where did I read recently of that mother telling her daughter, If God had wanted to give you a perfect mother, He would have done just that? That made me laugh.
I like how taking care of the moral education of our kids means taking care of our own, too: we really do grow together in holiness, or at least try to. If our past is spotty, or if we don’t know some things, or have never done certain things, we will try to change and learn for their sake.
I’ve ordered the Penny Catechism and the Bible History – we add yet more good books to our already nice collection of good books. I hope I’m not putting too much trust in books, though… this is where my fears come from: can good books rectify a less-than-perfect everyday life? “It all seems so messy, and so slow, and so very, very unproductive.” Indeed…
Leila says
Mrs B. — how we worry! When you worry about relying too much on books, send the children outside 🙂
Mrs. B. says
You know, you’re right – I don’t send them outside nearly enough in the winter! (Unless there is snow: then school and books are tossed aside very easily. This is being a pitiful winter – we need more snow!)
Marlon Davis says
I second Mrs. B’s comments above and Auntie Leila’s reflections that we see the lack in our own education and upbringing which compels us to live differently with our children, or at least attempt to. I take solace that this is likely a multi-generational work. My mom introduced the basic faith (she is a born-again Christian) to her kids. I, in turn, took this faith, and became a Catholic with the information that was revealed to me in my 20s. My kids—well who knows. But I pray they will be able to pass on increased richness and maturity of faith to their kids than I have. I know in my heart that this is the slow work of generations – similar to the stories of the Old Testament. This helps me breathe easier at times. But I will do my part and do my best!