The other week I shared my/our collective pointers for how to cut back on the 5 big wedding costs.
Because of the events of Thanksgiving week, we got a little off track – but here is the second post, as promised!
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
As you know, it was a busy wedding season for us just in this LMLD household. Well, the Artist and I were actually invited to a grand total of eleven weddings, stretching from May to September. We had to miss a few of them, but we made it to most of them. I called it Wedding Marathon 2012.
Bridget test drives the spin on her homemade bridesmaid dress. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
For several of these weddings, I was brought on board for hairstyling. Doing hair is one of my passions, and it can be a great wedding gift for a friend to prepare her and/or her bridesmaids for the big day. I also prepared a few mothers of the brides as well as flower girls. I love to be part of that exciting morning, helping to prepare the bride and make her look her best.
But, as many of us know, while wedding mornings can be lovely, they can also be frazzled, stressful, and even ridiculous if things go awry. I have experienced wedding mornings as the bride, as the maid of honor, as a bridesmaid, as a sister-in-law and as the hairdresser/one of the hairdressers. Having gained these various perspectives, I want to share some thoughts on what to do to make your (or your daughter’s) wedding morning the calm, serene, fun, joyful time you want it to be.
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
[I will preface all of this by saying that the best and most calming moment in all of the activity leading up to my wedding was the prayer time I got with my fiancé the evening before. Following the rehearsal, our priest offered to hear confessions (for Catholic weddings, the priest traditionally makes himself available this way so that everyone can be spiritually prepped for the Big Day) and the doors were open in the Adoration chapel. The Artist and I got to sit and pray together for a solid 45 minutes before heading to the rehearsal dinner. It was something we hadn’t really planned on, but I cannot stress enough what a perfect occasion that was for us to be together and truly prepare our hearts for the next day and our whole life together. I have no doubt that it set us up for the following 24+ hours to be absolutely awesome.]
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
Anyway, on the level of the very practical:
1. Get Your Bridesmaids On Board
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
In my experience, bridesmaids are eager and dying to help, but too often they don’t know what to do because they haven’t been kept in the loop.
[Also, for the record, there frequently exists a direct ratio between the number of bridesmaids and their inability to be helpful as a group and individually.]
In weddingland, it’s basically a crime to pose questions to a bride, who already has enough on her mind. But what are you supposed to do, if no one else has the information but her!?! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to ask a bride a last-minute question – because no one else knew the answer!
Brides: Do yourselves a favor. Sit down with your bridesmaids in advance and catch them up on the details of the wedding day and what is supposed to happen when. Schedules. Logistics. They need to know these things before someone (like the hairdresser, or a bride’s brother, or a limo driver) has to ask them on the wedding morning. That way they can handle details the morning of, and you can focus!
2. Pack For Your Honeymoon In Advance
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
I have seen a lot of brides who weren’t packed for their honeymoons until the day of. I admit that I left my packing until too late, but it was at least mostly done the night before, thanks to help from my sisters. (Even that was too late. Don’t follow my example!)
It is hard, because there are certain things, like your toothbrush, that you can’t pack until that day. But if it’s seriously going to be an issue for you – especially if your wedding ceremony is early – just do what it takes to get it done, even if it means buying a second toothbrush and whatever else it is that would slow you down.
3. Square Payments and Thank-Yous Away in Advance (Or Just Leave Them Til Later)
Somethings old and borrowed. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
For some reason this is something that we just don’t want to do in advance, or we forget about it. But it is truly one of the last things you will want to think about on your wedding morning.
At least one week before your wedding, write out a complete list of everyone who is going to need a check or a tip on your wedding day (at a DIY wedding, the list is considerably shorter!). Then – as in, at that same moment – systematically go through and write those checks and any accompanying thank you notes and put aside the proper cash. Put these items in envelopes and label each one very clearly. Next, put them aside in a safe and obvious, agreed-upon place for an informed and competent person who will be delegated to handle them.
Example:
[Envelope labeled: “For Mr. Richard Burbank, cantor” Enclosed is payment and, if cantor is a friend, a thank you note.]
Bride: “Hey, person-delegated-to-handle-money-on-the-wedding-day, did you see that I put those envelopes in [obvious spot] for you? Are you all set with that?”
Informed and competent delegate: “Yep – I’m all over it, bride. You can forget about it and enjoy the rest of your week – and especially your wedding morning!”
Ahhhhh.
Perhaps in your case, it’s not necessary to get those payments to those folks on the wedding day – maybe you’ve paid in advance or you have some time after the fact. If you don’t get it done early, just forget about it until you come home from your honeymoon. Whatever happens, plan not to do it on your wedding morning.
This tip applies even if the bride is not the person writing the checks – because whoever is writing the checks will probably still need to cover some things with the bride, who tends to be the Keeper of Wedding Information. This rule applies regardless of whether the parents, the bride, or someone else is paying.
4. Give Your Bridesmaids Their Gifts at the Rehearsal Dinner
I gave them their earrings. They opted to also wear pearls, which was fine by me! Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
This is not a hard-and-fast rule, as I have seen it work nicely various ways, including having the bride distribute gifts to the bridesmaids on the big morning. But I chose to give gifts at the rehearsal dinner, and I do recommend doing it. It gave me a chance to honor my bridesmaids before others for all they had done to help me, and I enjoyed that it was not rushed.
I have seen several instances of brides trying to give their bridesmaids gifts on the wedding morning but no one has time to gather and really enjoy the moment, and sometimes they hardly notice it happening. In fact, very frequently it happens that bridesmaids are rarely all in one place on the wedding morning (one’s in the bathroom getting dressed, one’s getting her hair done, one’s still on her way here, one’s talking the MOB down from a fit…).
Another thing to consider is that if you are giving your bridesmaids jewelry to wear for the wedding itself, it’s nice for them to get a chance to see it before they’re immediately expected to put it on for the day – another advantage to the “night before” plan.
5. Plan and Publish Logistics In Advance
Looking calm, but secretly they're crunching logistics on the fly… somewhat stressful. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
Nuts and bolts: Who is carrying the train? Who is riding in which car? When is the departure time? How is the father-of-the-bride getting to the church?
These decisions inevitably come up – best to tackle them early. I found out later, once I had actually thought back to my wedding morning in a rational state rather than in dreamy-getting-married-mode, that, while the photographer was trying to take pictures, my parents were crunching data internally, trying to figure out who was leaving in what car – and they had fifteen minutes to figure it out.
Thanks, Mom, for handling that! I was blissfully unaware!
If we had sat down a few days previous and mapped it all out, it would have been less stressful for my parents. But here’s the key: when you make a plan like this, write it down! Hang it up in the most visible place in the house, so that anyone can easily refer to it at any time. Make sure that the bridesmaids are briefed on it (see #1).
6. Have One Competent, Non-Bridal Party Person On Hand
Natasha ended up being this person for me. Here, she is about to take down notes for me as I dictate. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
I learned about this trick when I did my very first bridal-hair gig, several years ago. I did it as a favor for my friend’s older sister. I was friendly with the bride, but not close enough to be a wedding guest. This actually made me a good person to have around the house that morning. I did the hair of the whole bridal party and then I stuck around long enough to see them off. Because I wasn’t in any of the wedding photos or trying to get out the door to the ceremony, I was able to do a few last-minute favors for them (for instance, the bride needed something fetched from an upstairs bedroom while the whole bridal party was occupied with the photographer.) I was very handy in those moments!
While your bridesmaids should be eminently helpful (again, see #1), they will be tied to you, as will your parents. So, if possible, it’s a good thing to have some calm, low-maintenance person on hand who can competently handle any last minute issues or tasks that come up. And they do come up!
7. Write That Love Note In Advance
Something new. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
Recently I’ve been noticing a growing trend involving exchanging love notes on the wedding morning. This is a charming idea and, as I am a romantic, I support it. However, my personal recommendation – in contrast to a lot of “wedding morning tip lists” out there – is that you not leave the note-writing for the morning of, but do it in advance.
I wrote my fiancé a love note the day after we got engaged. I wrote it on special paper and put it in a special envelope and kept it in a special place for the next nine months, and gave it to him along with his wedding gift at the rehearsal dinner for him to read the next morning. This worked out very nicely because it was in his hands and the right time but I didn’t have to worry about delivering it to him on the day of, and I didn’t have to worry about composing it during my busy wedding week!
If I had done it that morning, I might have ended up saying
“I love you! AAAHHH we’re getting married in, like, two hours! I ate something bad at the rehearsal dinner last night and my stomach seriously hurts right now! Hahahaha! Xooxox
your Deirdre.”
Instead, he got a two-page letter that I had written at my desk in my bedroom in a calm, thoughtful, yet similarly elated state of mind.
Even if you don’t write it way in advance, at least consider writing it somewhat in advance. I just can’t promise you that you’ll get the chance to do it properly on your wedding morning, especially if you need extra time to perfect your hair!!
8. Eat Breakfast Early On
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
This is common sense, but I imagine that every bride is tempted to ignore it when the big day comes around. There is a good chance that your tummy will feel crazy in a myriad of ways on such a big day – so, do yourself a solid and eat early on, before you have time to think about it too much. I promise you that you are not going to get bloated over a bowl of oatmeal or a bagel and some orange juice. And even if you do, if you eat early on, you’ll have time to settle down before you get dressed.
Interestingly, many brides don’t have any plans for breakfast! I didn’t run into this problem, because my mom was on top of it. But if my mom hadn’t taken care of it, I probably would have forgotten to, because brides don’t prioritize breakfast!
When you are halfway through that long Mass or in that receiving line filled with all those relatives, though, breakfast will have made all the difference…
9. Designate An Emissary to the Menfolk
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
While the bride is having her glorious morning, who is taking care of those men over at Team Groom?! Fortunately, they really don’t need much help. As long as they have been behaving responsibly leading up to the wedding and they know how to tie a tie, they’ll be fine and will be able to get themselves ready in approximately nine minutes.
However: They will be needing those boutonnieres. And who will have the boutonnieres? Probably you or someone on Team Bride, since the flowers are usually prepared at/delivered to the bride’s place of preparation. So, here’s the question (and – trust me – this does actually end up being an important question!): who is going to get the man-flowers from Team Bride to Team Groom?
And does that person know how to attach a boutonniere?
First thing to know: Attaching a boutonniere is not difficult. Anyone with the basic idea can execute it. That being said, it’s much easier to do for someone else than to do for yourself.
Whoever that person is (perhaps that wonderful soul mentioned in #6?), they just need a plan for when they are going to receive the flowers and when they are going to get them to the men. This may mean delivering them to Team Groom’s grooming site, or simply meeting them at the church a few beats early.
Just as long as you – and more importantly, that person – knows. In advance.
10. Let Yourself Be Taken Care Of
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
The trick that worked for me on my wedding morning is that I just left the decisions and the handling to my wonderful bridesmaids, siblings, and parents. Everyone else was so on top of things that I was able to relax and concentrate on keeping focused and preparing myself mentally for what was about to happen.
Of course, as I mentioned, I can now look back and see that my poor family was running around in circles, despite all the advanced planning I had tried to do, getting various things together at the last minute. If I had known better about the steps above, the wedding morning would have been more enjoyable for them as well.
But the point is that you should do all your obsessive planning and fanaticizing beforehand and then, once you’re heading to the rehearsal and it’s actually happening, you need to just let it all go. Hopefully you’ve got an awesome Maid of Honor like Suki and a whole team of super supportive and smart people around you, like I did. If you've managed #1, then you're already halfway there.
Maid of Honor-ing like a pro. Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
But in any case, there will be very little that you can change at this point, even if you want to. So just take a deep breath and let others take charge as you do what you’ve actually been planning to do: get yourself ready to make sacred vows and begin your married life!
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
And of course, all of this is based on the premise that you get a good night's sleep the night before! That goes without saying, right? You might need to put someone (like the Maid of Honor) in charge of being the person to get you to bed at a good time, no matter what comes up.
Perhaps you’ve noticed a theme: do stuff in advance. Talk to recent brides and find out what were the snags in their wedding mornings, so they can give you their pro tips. If you have a chance to be there for someone else’s wedding morning, take mental notes.
Photo by Ryan Scott Johnson Photography |
What else? What do you think are some practical steps to take for a calm wedding morning?
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