I've been wanting for a while to share the story about how I found my wedding gown because, well, it's a fun story. Also because several people have told me that I should tell you about it. And mostly because I wanted to post my experience for any future brides who might go about the process the same way I did.
You see, I didn't go a reasonable, civilized, elegant route. I Ran with the Brides.
Unfortunately (in some senses), it looks like I was one of the last Brides to Run, since Filene's Basement has now gone out of business. So that takes a little bit of the fun out of my plan to give you tips and strategy if you ever decide to take part in this particular brand of crazy. Ah, well. I suppose the fact that this event is discontinued might, in the long run, make my story all the more interesting and… well, crazy!
“What?! People used to do that?!” I can hear my grandchildren exclaiming. (Well, my grandchildren won't need to do any kind of wedding dress shopping, of course, since by that time I'll be an expert dress maker, obviously.)
Anyway, I ran.
Liz {Sukie's and my star housemate — have we mentioned before that she's the best housemate?} was the major impetus behind this excursion, from suggesting it to driving into the city before sunrise to leading the charge and then reviving the bride afterward with lunch. Lauren, my college bff, drove in from her alternate east coast locale for the location {if every bride had a Lauren, brides would be, overall, happier people}. We figured that it would be fun and we'd get some laughs out of it. I was never very convinced that I would find my gown there, but figured it couldn't hurt to run around like a madwoman and try on some white dresses for a few hours.
While we waited outside in line that morning, I recited to the girls the three main characteristics that I was looking for in a dress.
Timeless!
Lace!
Modest!
… Along with an even more crucial list of the kinds of dresses I did NOT want to end up with. I had a feeling that, once I got in there and was high on a competitive rush and beguiled by bargains, I might lose my vision a little and perhaps even my common sense. {I was right: there were at least a couple moments when they had to talk me down a bit when my spirit became a little too… generous… towards… ugly dresses. In my defense, the atmosphere was 100% crazy.}
So, in case you were wondering, it is not a joke, nor an exaggeration: we ran. We sprinted into that place. As soon as we got in I made the executive call whether to have our designated spot-grabber (Lauren) grab a spot or run for dresses: I chose for her to spot-grab.
“SPOT! SPOT! SPOT!” I bellowed. Snap decision: there are only so many mirrors in here; claim one. While Lauren spot-grabbed, Liz disappeared into the fray. I made a frantic lap around the whole place just to find that, in the matter of seconds it had taken us to get in, every single dress had been taken. I wasn't looking for any particular style or even size; I was just trying to get my hands on something so that I could barter with other brides. But it was not happening. I ran around, gaping with astonishment at what I had just witnessed. There was not a single dress to be had.*
Back to the Spot. Lauren had done a great job, planting herself not only in front of a mirror but a little removed from the mayhem and – even more importantly – from the cameras. {I had promised my fiance that I would avoid getting snapped on film slipping in and/or out of any garments. It was challenging but I did it, with the help of my co-runners and a bedsheet.} Liz, returning from the crowd as from a victorious battle, produced one (count 'em: ONE) dress. It was literally 15 sizes too big for me and literally pink. But it was a dress!
So the day began: trading, scoping out other brides' wares, hunting repeatedly to see if any new dresses were emerging from under huge piles of booty, watching warily as any woman of a similar size discarded a dress, and trying to believe that somewhere in this massive mess there was a dress that wasn't either fourteen sizes off, strapless, extremely poofy, or just horribly ugly.
Once women tried on a few dresses and then cast them off, they'd go back on to the racks. |
Within 20 minutes the first bride had screamed, “I FOUND IT!” and everyone around applauded. Retailer-induced consumer frenzy, anyone? This kept up through the day: each time a bride fell in love with her ‘the' dress, she'd announce loudly and celebration would ensue. For a group of women who had just hours – or minutes – before been in fierce competition, we were very supportive and mutually encouraging.
But my dress was not turning up. It seemed like there were probably a grand total of three dresses in the place that I might have liked, and I'd tried them on already. We were pretty darned tired, too.
Lauren and I take a break from the hassle to model our team tee shirt. Rosie advised that we should have a constant ‘seeking' ad on our persons. This turned out to be clutch! |
Liz decided to take one more lap around the place before we left, and then we were gonna pack up. Thanks to the sign on her tee shirt, someone handed her a dress….
…my dress.
She brought it back to me and as soon as I put it on I had a feeling…
My posse, true to my previously-expressed wishes, faithfully played devil's advocate, pointing out any potential flaws of this gown. But I knew that no matter what they said, this was my dress and I was going to buy it. Another bride watched me anxiously and her mother gave Liz a phone number. “Please call us if she decides she doesn't want it.” Lots of women walked by and said, “Wow, that's not like anything else in here!” Exactly.
Well, about one hour, several phone calls, texting photos to my mom, haggling sessions with at least three different saleswomen, and a few prayers later, that dress was mine. The whole concept of this event is that the prices are a steal – so I don't need to tell that I was getting an insane price. But there was a little (fixable) damage on the gown, so I talked the price down another 30%. I have a feeling that, out of all the women who walked out of there with a dress that day, I spent the least. Bridal triumph!
{To give you an idea: the seamstress who is fitting it for me told me that, normally, I would have paid literally seven times the amount if I had purchased just the fabric to have the dress custom made. The fabric alone!}
Alas; it turns out that the price of alterations are quiet another matter, even haggling included. And that I happened to fall in love with a dress made of just the kind of material that is extraordinarily difficult to work with. Oh well – it's THE dress!
And no, you can't see it! At least – not yet. 🙂
All right all right: here's a sneak preview snippet teaser peek. Just so that you can't claim I'm entirely cruel. |
*Tip for any potential Runners: If this event does for some reason occur again in the future and anyone reading this goes to it, my main piece of advice is to skip the morning. Especially if you're looking for something a little off the beaten trail, and especially if your dress size is either on the smaller or larger end, there's really no need to be in the maelstrom of the original run. I guess the ‘race' element is part of the fun. But it's also a big part of Filene's Basement's business strategy to get adrenaline flowing and cause women to make snap decisions to purchase. Consumer-mania like you've never witnessed it! But later in the day it's calmer and if the dress you want is unusual (and yes, modest is unusual), it'll probably still be around. There's no actual need to barter. If a woman grabbed 10 dresses to start with, she's not handing any of them off until she's made sure that her dream dress isn't among them. Once she's determined that it isn't, she'll hand them over to you ‘free of charge.' At least, she will about an hour into the event, once the aggression has subsided. You can also have more privacy later in the day.
Lisa G. says
That fabric is very pretty!!!!!!! Congratulations to you!!! How long were you actually there?
LJ says
We were there for something like 5- 6 hours or so, between waiting in line for quite some time, and then being in the melee for awhile, and then haggling prices for about another hour. It was quite draining!
LJ says
This post makes me almost as happy as being there for the big buy! So much wedding happiness!!!
Moira says
I am pretty sure that was the most exciting blog post I've ever read! Yay! Congratulations on finding THE dress!
~Moira
Emily says
I've never heard of anything like that before! So happy for you finding you perfect dress!
lauren says
What a great story. I actually got my dress at Filene's Running of the Brides 8 years ago in NY. Unlike you, we didn't have a good game plan and my aunt called me later that evening and said, “I just saw you on the evening news, is that the dress you are wearing?” Oh, my!!!!! So glad you had “the feeling” and I can't wait to see the pics.
Briana/Justamouse says
Oh man, what a cliffhanger! I can't wait to see the dress! Congrats on getting it!
Debbie says
Too funny for words, although I concur with your father: I'd have given much *not* to be there! One thing you surely must have also in your community is what we call- well, I don't know what it's called in English, actually (in Hebrew it is called by the acronym GAMACH- stands for “G'milut Hasadim”- literally “the giving of loving-kindness”, but “hesed” can also mean, and is frequently translated in the Bible into English as, “grace”); it is a charity of particular kind of items- in this case, wedding gowns- to which people donate their own gowns and financially hard-pressed brides- or even simply brides who do not want to waste the money- can then use it basically for free (they officially charge a small nominal sum for the cost of dress-cleaning, but even that is voluntary; they merely have a sign requesting that, if one is able, one donate, say, $20 toward the costs of the place- they don't ask for it, though, in order not to embarrass someone who might be unable to pay). The advantage over what you describe is that there is no mad mob scene, no loss of dignity, and the dresses are also in perfect condition.
I gave mine to one such place in Jerusalem; we also have one here in this community for children's clothing . I know you are probably thinking you'd like to save it for your daughter, D.v.; but please note that even had I stored the wedding gown, it would have become abundantly clear ,now that my little girl is five inches taller than I, that she would never be wearing any wedding dress of mine! And, honestly, it was a beautiful dress: Why keep it languishing (and turning yellow!) in a closet for the next quarter century, when hard-pressed brides who would otherwise be unable to afford something lovely could have found their dream dress, and blessed you?
I am so glad you found what you wanted, and weren't daunted by- in fact, even managed to keep your good humor throughout- what strikes me as a truly dreadful process!
I am sure you will be a beautiful bride- and, more importantly, a loving, happy, and faithful wife!
Love,
Debbie
mamabearjd says
The flip side to this is that I was married, in 2000 in a 1950's wedding dress that my mother's friend had rescued from an estate. It needed no repairs or tailoring! So you never know – I do think my daughter is going to be much taller than me, but still I keep it. It looks almost just like Kate Middleton's.
Deirdre says
That sounds lovely – I do love the idea of there being a sort of heritage bank for one bride to take care of the next. I have seen that happen to some extent in my community and I think it is a beautiful thing. We'll see what happens with my gown after I wear it. It will certainly be a treasure and I'm sure my use of it will not be the last.
I think this worked out very well for me since I wasn't dead set on getting the dress there, so I wasn't as stressed out and intense as some of the brides around me were (well, my intensity came out with the haggline process ;). The fact that I came upon it and it was so exquisite and just what I wanted was an awesome surprise! Also I had the right girlfriends with me. They kept me level-headed. 🙂
Mary D. says
Oh, Deirdre! This is so exciting! Congrats on finding THE dress! Can't wait to see the whole thing, good luck with alterations 🙂
lauren says
What a great story. I actually got my dress at Filene's Running of the Brides 8 years ago in NY. Unlike you, we didn't have a good game plan and my aunt called me later that evening and said, “I just saw you on the evening news, is that the dress you are wearing?” Oh, my!!!!! So glad you had “the feeling” and I can't wait to see the pics.
Deirdre says
Oh dear!! haha! Yeah, the whole thing is pretty ridiculous. I'm sure you weren't expecting that there would be cameras! It was good of my fiance to put that on my radar, and make me extra cautious about it.
priest's wife says
How fun!…14 years ago I went the exact opposite route- I tried on only 3 dresses at one 'normal' shop- bought the third one- but this looks like fun
Are the two sisters having a double wedding- two weddings a weekend apart 😉 or two weddings months apart???
Will you try to wait so the Lt can be home from deployment and the other foreign contingent can be there or are you just getting married soon? you know what St Paul says… 😉
Deirdre says
The weddings are three weeks apart. Yes, we are crazy.
Unfortunately, the Lt is not going to make it to the weddings. :-/ It really is too bad, and we'll miss him being there a lot. The silver lining is that it makes Rosie somewhat more available to be home and helping the Mother of the Brides to keep her marbles, so that will be a definite plus.
Kristina says
Congratulations on finding your dress! I bet it's beautiful and I so enjoyed your story. I also have a crazy dress-buying story-I found my dress on E-bay. I was also looking for lace, sleeves, and budget. Success, but oh, those alterations…
mamabearjd says
The shirts were a great idea. I bet that winds up all over Pintrest.
RubberChickenGirl says
Hooray for timeless, lace, and modest (sleeves!!). Sorry, but I am weary of strapless gowns. I miss brides that look pure rather than spilling out of their gowns.
The fabric looks amazing. I love anything textured, embossed, appliqued (sp).
I found THE dress the first time I walked into the wedding shop and grabbed it and tried it on without assistance from an employee. I made them rather cross as I guess that isn't done. It was candlelight (not white, not ivory, more antique tea-stained) and mostly tulle with appliqued lace flowers here and there on the skirt. Long sleeves. Fit perfectly. It was $900 and I was too afraid to ask my Dad for the dough. A friend sewed me something simple instead based on Carolyn Kennedy's irish lace dress. A year later, I went back into the shop and THE dress was still there on the sale rack for $450. I still consider it MINE though I never got to wear it and will never likely see it again. A girl can pretend. Glad you don't have to!!
RCG
Anitra says
I hear you about the strapless! I got married almost 8 years ago, and when I went to a “traditional” bridal store (ie. the biggest chain in the country), I told the saleswoman up front that I did NOT want strapless. It didn't have to have sleeves, exactly, but more than just some little spaghetti straps. I did not want to feel that exposed. Nearly every wedding I have been to since then, the bride has either worn a strapless dress or a strapless-converted-to-strappy dress. It's a shame, really.
Speaking of sewing your own; my mother has showed me her “wedding dress” (which never would have fit me): it was actually a very nice, white, skirted suit! Ever the practical one, she didn't want to put that much money, time, and effort into something that could only be worn once (and my parents got married in February in the Northeast circa 1960). She was able to wear it for many years afterward and feel a little bit of the specialness of her wedding day every time.
Gwenny says
Congratulations on finding the dress, Deirdre! I ran with the brides, too! Two bride friends, one Mother of the Bride, and I camped out the night before. I didn't find my dress there, though. You offer solid advice for anyone brave enough to try it. When I did it, some radio station was giving away “The Running of the Brides” t-shirts to the first 50 in line. It's one of the few shirts I have that is big enough to cover my very pregnant belly, so I've been wearing it to bed lately! Happy wedding planning!
Anne Marie says
This was a fun read. Thanks for posting!
Sue says
That is so awesome! I think I would have had a nervous breakdown… you obviously have very good and loyal friends. :o) Can't wait to see the entire dress!
Mary says
How awesome is that? You are now a part of retail history! I can't wait to see the gown and the beautiful bride wearing it. What glorious day that will be!! Congratulations once more Deirdre!!
Heather says
That's so fun! What an experience!! I bought my dress (brand new) off of ebay for a song. I think I paid more for alterations to take it down 6 sizes than I paid for the dress itself. (I took the picture from ebay to the seamstress before I purchased it, just to make sure it would work.) Like you, I was looking for something with lace and NOT strapless, and it's still my favorite dress of any I've ever seen.
Nick says
That video is true insanity. I enjoyed this account but am thankful I was thousands of miles from that store at the appointed hour. I'm pretty certain my personal hell involves this event in some form.
RubberChickenGirl says
Which begs with question….what about your sister's dress?
RCG
Libby says
What a fun (er, maybe make that “memorable!”) way to get a dress! Are you and your sisters sharing things between your weddings, i.e. decorations, accessories?
Helene says
What fun! Congratulations! I bought my wedding dress twenty years ago at a JCPenney outlet. I went with both my parents. It was the very first dress I tried on and it fit perfectly!!! And it had long sleeves, which my fiancé requested. The only thing we needed to do was have the train removed because our wedding was a small and simple one. Don't you just love a good bargain? How blessed you are in your family and friends.
Helene says
Just another funny note about modesty. Our dear old pastor here in town keeps an old white granny shawl in the Church and makes any immodestly dressed brides wear it during the ceremony! There is even a special rack of modest dresses at the bridal shop to help brides avoid the shawl!
Phyllis says
The video almost made me feel sick. I'm glad I wasn't the one doing that! But of course, I'm very glad that you found a dress, and apparently one with SLEEVES. My husband calls most of the wedding dresses around these days “topless.” That might not be exactly the right word for it, but they sure are horrible. I can't wait to see a pretty dress in your photos!
colby says
I found the dress of my dreams on ebay–about 6 years after my wedding. It was silk, and like something out of a fairy tale. As I recall, it was even affordable. Wouldn't you know? I was just doing a random look for some reason. Maybe because my sister was about to get married. Ah well, having the man of my dreams, and a sacramental marriage, is much more important.