Every year we have a big New Year's Eve party.
It all started when the Chief and I got panicky about our teenage boys wanting to drive to friends' houses down a dangerous “highway” (read: scary fast road with no barriers dividing the traffic).
We do our best to host something that combines a family party with a celebration that lasts into the wee hours, complete with crazy party games and a champagne toast. And singing.
We try to make a gathering that satisfies the teenage need to par-tay, and yet establishes a benchmark for real fun, hopefully excluding the idea that simply drinking constitutes fun. Because we have wonderful friends, they have been on board with the concept of a party that significantly interferes with our generation's need to sleep.
Don't get me wrong — the kids have sometimes mightily resisted this party. When they get safely out of the teen years, they are free to do something else, and we concentrate on the next ones coming up. They might, even now, be sort of mocking me as they read this. And not every family can make the investment to make it happen, which has sometimes made it hard for us to keep going.
Believe me, I appreciate the thought of staying home with Chinese food and board games! As long as your gang is happy doing that, go for it!
But my kids are so sociable, sort of crazily so (wonder where they get that from, anyway!), that it's been worth the effort to keep this tradition going. They humor me, and hopefully some day they will understand what we are trying to do. I mean, the really big picture of what we are trying to do.
Let me ‘splain it to you.
Some years, when New Year's Day isn't on a Sunday, we can go to the Vigil Mass for the Holy Day (The Mother of God), and the party is a supper that goes on into the night. Since it's also the 7th day of Christmas (until it becomes the 8th), we ring in the New Year with Christmas carols, singing all the verses to as many carols as we can manage.
The party, in the past, has ended as late as 3 am, with Joseph and his friends playing jazz in their little band for us, and Will, as always, managing the logistics and general hilarity. (The grandparents of friends missed this year for the first time in ages, now that they are well into their 90s! In the past, they have been the party closers, keeping everyone laughing with their antics. And we have tried, somewhat in vain, to convince little ones to lie down on blankets in the living room and just drift off.)
Sukie has always led our caroling on the piano, and she and Mama have a similar mission to exclude all “mall” versions of holiday songs, putting the strong kibosh on Jingle Bells in any form. Once you begin to explore the world of carols, you realize how very lovely, wonder-filled, and catechetical they are, teaching in their beauty and poetry all the lessons of the miracle of the Incarnation that take theologians volumes to convey.
This year, with New Year's Day on Sunday — as well as a changing demographic that again includes younger children — we moved everything up to more or less end at midnight, which is fine with us.
Parties — celebrations — are an important way to form the culture. In a way, the kind of parties you have says a lot about what your culture is. You see, culture itself arises from the celebration that emerges from true worship. (Remember reading Leisure, the Basis of Culture, a while back? This is what that book was about.) This isn't an abstract notion. It's as real as can be.
The problem with our society is that as worship has degraded into entertainment, entertainment has seemed strangely unfulfilling. Each family, to restore the culture, has to find a way to re-join the two in their organic relationship: true worship and lively celebration! Order and wonder! Ritual and elation! We can't be satisfied with weak liturgy, and we can't be satisfied with wimpy, superficial, barren fun.
And we can't be satisfied with our own warm memories, if we are lucky enough to have them, or dreams of some day. We have to try, here and now, with our own imperfections, to get going on the project of saving Western Civilization. I beg you, don't make the Super Bowl the most satisfyingly fun thing you do all year!
A really fun party, then, will often be linked to a really big feast day (and of course, every day in the Christmas Octave is a big one!). And it will almost always include all the ages.
{Of course there is a place for the strictly age-segregated event. I enjoy a couples' dinner or a cocktail party as much as the next person. For kids, there is a time when they benefit from being together on their own (bonfires are great for that bonding time). They need to form their friendships and have silly fun with no adults around!
In my opinion, New Year's Eve isn't one of those times! It's just too darn dangerous, and late, and besides, with the next day a holy one, with the need to get to Mass, it's a great opportunity to make the connection between worship and celebration.}
I hope this is making sense, but to keep it practical I will give you the nitty-gritty on what we do, keeping in mind that the whole shebang is our best effort, but by no means the last word on great parties. Don't get me wrong here and start thinking that this is an unreachable ideal. Far from it. I'm sure our guests would tell you all sorts of ways that things could be better, and I'm only here to tell you that if we can do it, so can you!
Party essentials:
• A room where kids can hang out at the beginning of the party, maybe with a Foosball table or board games. Keep an eye on where the beer is going.
• Food and drink. It's important to have something you serve every year, I think. In this case, it's ham and a big pot of potato chowder. Somehow, people look forward to things being the same. With, of course, interesting variations (which I will tell you about another day).
• Carol booklets or hymnals with good old-fashioned carols, all verses. If you must have Frosty-type songs, get them over with at the start, and please, for the love of all that is merciful, keep it to a minimum. As far as I am concerned, the stores have destroyed these songs and they had very little value to start with.
This might take some work — collecting beautiful carols in one place and having enough copies for everyone. I recommend this book, Take Joy, to start:
(It's well worth in the $20-$30 range for a used one in good condition.)
And this one, The Trapp Family Book of Christmas Songs:
(The Amazon links are being tricky. Try refreshing your page if you aren't seeing links to the books.)
• Champagne and sparkling cider for the toast. Toasts if people are up to it.
• The singing of Auld Lang Syne.
• The singing of the Salve Regina Chant to herald Our Lady's Day. (It happens that most of our friends and family know this chant very well. If that's not the case for you, you can learn it! You have a year!)
• Fun-loving friends who are in it for the long haul! Start when your kids are young and go to bed early. By the time they are teens, they will be up for this kind of thing.
Games we like to play, once everyone has gathered (we don't always play them all every year):
• The Murder Game (although, one year, we had a guest who had actually been the victim of an attempt on her life — yikes! — so we changed it to the Thief Game). Our version is quite scaled down, with little pieces of paper determining the roles. The conversation at the beginning of the evening is punctuated by screams from “murdered” guests. Some of our friends really relish making the most of this dramatic moment! At the end, before the toast, we have a trial to determine the perpetrator. With this crowd, that is one noisy trial.
• The Guess Your Character Game. Everyone loves this one, and you can have fun matching your guests to their alter egos/nemises. (We tape the name to the person's back, not their forehead, which just seems a little invasive.)
• The Party Quirks Game. Deirdre and Bridget, with assists from others, come up with amazingly funny scenarios beforehand. Some examples from the past: You are watching your sister's kids in a china shop. You are a dentist trying not to notice people's teeth. You are obsessed with the color red. You fall asleep unless you are asked a question. You think the world is ending tonight and are trying not to panic. Etc. Announce the quirks to the group while the host is out of the room. (Be warned if you choose to watch the You Tube videos of the Whose Line is it Anyway skits — they are hilarious but often quite rude. We are G-rated only.)
• The New Year's Resolutions Game. Write resolutions (stay away from losing weight–type ones, and go for “learn to Irish Step dance”–type ones) on slips of paper. One guest picks from a hat and chooses another guest to give it to. Start off with pickers who understand that the less matched-up the recipient is to the resolution, the funnier the moment will be.
Getting tired… but still game!
Over the years, we have invited the families of our children's friends. That has meant that not everyone we love has been included, and that has been hard.
Every year we think we are not doing it again. But this and similar things need to be done, organically and according to your own circumstances. You can do it.
Real #2: Everyone needs a nap before the party!
Michelle Reitemeyer says
Thanks for the great game ideas. We played charades using titles of Christmas carols – what a riot. LOVE the new year's resolution assignment idea!
I didn't get to an afternoon nap, so I took one at 9 pm while my husband occupied the children outside with a few boxes of sparklers. It worked.
Happy Blessed New Year! I can't believe we've reached the Epiphany already.
Kate says
Looks like an absolutely wonderful time 🙂 I'm not hugely social but I have a feeling our boys will be so I can totally see this in our future.
momco3 says
Love it! We play the character game too– I love that it's all ages, all fun!
Elizabeth says
Sounds like a lot of fun! I always found that New Year's Eve parties as a teenager were full of hype and then disappointment. We thought that it should be the *best* party of the year, but it obviously could not live up to those expectations. A family party with lots of food, games, and singing is so much more enjoyable for everyone.
Betsy M says
This post brought me to tears as your party is very, very similar to what we had for parties growing up – except it was all relatives. What wonderful memories you are giving everyone with those get togethers. Thanks for the inspiration to get going on that for my own kids.
Lori says
Spot on, Mama! We believe similarly — wanting our house to be the place where the kids WANT to hang out. You've inspired me to keep pushing this body that wants to go to bed earlier and earlier to keep at it for a couple of more years until the last one is well and truly launched.
Kayleen says
“The problem with our society is that as worship has degraded into entertainment, entertainment has seemed strangely unfulfilling. Each family, to restore the culture, has to find a way to re-join the two in their organic relationship: true worship and lively celebration! Order and wonder! Ritual and elation! We can't be satisfied with weak liturgy, and we can't be satisfied with wimpy, superficial, barren fun.”
So very true! I am realizing as our kids get older (still very young, 1 and 3) that this is going to be an important task for my husband and I. I have always wanted to have 'that house' in the neighborhood where friends are excited to hang out and just be. I want so much to create a home full of love, and fun, so that my kids will be proud to bring their friends to. A lot of it is because of the reason you stated – because it's important to me to transform the culture. In high school, I hung out at some very questionable places. Well, not too many (my rebel stage was relatively short, thank the Holy Spirit) but still, I have to look back and wonder at those parents, who allowed their home to become a place of drinking and bad stuff. Having fun, annual parties like this seems like a great idea! Thanks for the really helpful post. I'm sure it will stick in my mind for a long time as I consider how to go about creating this comfortable, inviting atmosphere in my home over the years!
P.S. Actually, this year we DID go to a super fun New Year's party at a family's house (they have 11 kids!) There were lots of families there, adult friends of ours, as well as Christmas carols, the Rosary (!), AND Charades. I'm glad we choose this party over a few others we were invited too, including one where none of our friends had kids so we would have had to get a babysitter.
What did you do when your kids were really little?
_Leila says
Kayleen, we went to bed! We didn't care at all about toasting in the new year. We are secretly so boring 🙂
PNG says
Great post! Daddy and I particularly liked “par-tay” and “let me 'splain you” which we both frequently use around here.:) I can't see your first book title…just a generic Amazon ad. Can you give us the title for that? I do see the Trapp Family book of songs…so getting that. I may join your link par-tay today, but I'm not sure. I'm on blog-strike since my camera was left behind from a weekend road trip.:( Ugh!!
_Leila says
PNG, those Amazon links keep flipping in and out! Argh.
_Leila says
It's for Take Joy by Tasha Tudor, which is what Sukie uses mainly to accompany most of the carols.
PNG says
I see it now. Thank you, thank you!
Maria says
You are so right about the theology in the old carols. Another NOT: Deck the halls.
Dawn says
Great Post! I love all of your ideas. We have a fun all family party. I would love to increase it to including others.
Blessings,
Dawn
Cary says
New Year's Eve always has to have a party of some sort in our household because it's our third child's birthday! He turned 17 this year and we were very blessed to have a couple of priests over for a small celebration. I REALLY like your ideas here and will have to implement more of them. Who could refuse to come to our home for this kind of celebration when it's a birthday party, too?
Our tradition for the 18th birthday is to go out to dinner, but because his is on 12/31, we decided that next year we should do a lunch out. This way, we can include the priests, who have to get up early for celebrating Mass, and come home and have a grand party with lots of song. Oh, it sounds so fun!
A very blessed 2012 to you and your entire family.
Lisa G. says
You're so right about the carols – I often think I should be listening to them/singing them all year, for the encouragement they give, when you sing them attentively and with the heart.
justamouse says
You exhaust me. And yet, I see and understand that you are right. You are, 100%. But I'm exhausted just thinking about this. The good part is that I have a year to plan, and I *have* always wanted to have a New Year's Party.
And, it just might take me a year because I'm still making Christmas ornaments even though the tree has fallen down three times. (Most of my ornaments were destroyed in the carnage,)
Next year, Onward!
Kathryn says
What wonderful ideas! This sounds like a great thing to start once our kids are older. Our kids are still little, so we put them to bed at the usual time and then attempted to stay up to have a bit of champagne at midnight. If the baby hadn't woken up to nurse at 11:30, though, we would've both slept right through it!
LJ says
Fun fun fun!
It's worth pointing out that Deirdre brought these lovely sensibilities about “how to throw a good party” with her to school, so there's the culture improving even more! Pieper's “In Tune with the World” is all over this worship/festival/culture bit. D currently has my copy. 🙂
Minor note: I don't think you meant “Motherhood of God” as the feast at the beginning… just thinking of any non-Catholic readers. 🙂
_Rosie says
Haha, LJ – good catch! It's my fault; I was in charge of proofreading this post before it went up, but I missed that. I'll fix it now.
Deirdre says
Haha yes — often to the chagrin of other RAs (not you of course, LJ) who just wanted to order pizza, turn on a top hits play list, and call it a day! 🙂
Cathy says
Tasha Tudor's “Take Joy” is my all time favorite Christmas book. I usually check it out from our library in November so I can have it all through December. I think next year I may just buy my own copy. “Oxford Book of Carols” is another favorite.
Nancy says
This is a great post. So true…”The kind of parties you have says a lot about what your culture is” is something to think about.
Melanie says
I had so much contentment this week but never took out my camera! I did a post about contentment during the warm days of summer since we just had our first couple of days with really cold weather (cold for Florida, anyway!)
I read your post with great interest. You identified a feeling that I've never been able to articulate myself but one I hold deeply, “The kind of parties you have says a lot about what your culture is.” Every time someone celebrates a sacrament in our family, I joke that it is like planning a wedding for me because of the party I like to host afterwards.
kelley chavez says
Sounds so fun! We had a New Years Eve Party for the first time this year. What a great idea to sing Christmas songs, and I love the game ideas. I remember one time when I was little, my moms family sang a bunch of Christmas songs- I don't know why, but I loved it. I guess, like you were saying, its kind of awkward to be the one to get everyone to do it, but really what fun and what great memories! I also thought it was a great point about making celebrations fun without drinking so much. Great post
Lindsey says
Thanks for the glimpse into your family and party life! Good ideas to keep in mind for when our little ones get to be bigger ones.
MamabearJD says
I love that you help us with family tradition ideas. I've also been meaning to comment to say thank you for mentioning the Magnificat subscription in one of your posts. I struggled for a long time wondering how I was going to teach the liturgical year – thinking that I wasn't doing enough – and I was distracted by all of the craft and food projects. Then you would post about just living our faith, and it struck me that I could trust myself that in doing that, I was doing exactly what we needed! I subscribed to the Magnificat and also to Magnifikids, which my two oldest really enjoy. Thanks for being the voice out there that allowed me to trust myself.
Tracy C. says
I love this post! I am a natural introvert, but I am sorely out numbered around here. I very much want to work on the culture of family for us and ideas like this are so helpful. I really don't enjoy being a hostess, but I think I am going to have to embrace that role more and more. This was our first year hosting Christmas and it was fine, but I know I can do better.
Leigh says
Bravo to this post! Just Bravo! I normally follow your blog in my reader, never clicking over to comment, but for this one, I just had to!
blessedwinter says
This was very helpful, but also intimidating. I still have mostly littles but am finding it increasingly difficult to balance the “needs” of my olders (my oldest is almost 12) with my own needs during this lack of sleep, crazy pregnancy/nursing almost constantly time, and the needs of the energetic little ones. Honestly as the years go by I am getting increasingly anti-social (tired?) and introverted, and I have no idea how to strike the perfect balance of getting my children enough social time and stimulation while also dealing with my own anti-social tendencies. I just can't deal with much socializing offline, there is too much time and drama involved, is that terrible? It seems like your family has such a network, mainly in each other, and that is something my husband and I do not have. We're striking off on our own, and hoping to come up with new habits, the main one being Family First. But of course that goes against our culture of friends being the Most Important. Sigh. I'm tired, and overwhelmed. Maybe you have already written articles on how you handle the social “needs” of your teens on a regular basis? Is a once a year bonfire or party enough? I could probably handle once a year…I cannot handle weekly events or sports.