The dining-room wreath — these days we don't eat in there! The candles will be lit maybe for Thursday ‘s Feast! |
This year Advent lasts the full four weeks — this is as long as it gets! I hope that you will give yourself permission to leave room for wonder.
As I go around reading ideas about how to celebrate Advent, I cringe just a little on the emphasis on activity for its own sake.
We so desperately,and with such good intentions, want to teach our children certain things, that we have forgotten that learning is a process that's accomplished with a good deal of mystery. If this is true with seemingly straightforward facts like the multiplication table, how much more so with things of the faith.
{You know, I remember well being in the car and repeating my multiplication facts to myself, over and over. I'd be looking out the window — for some reason I remember it streaming with rain — and pondering the intricacies of the fives, fluctuating between numbers that end in 5 and those that end in 0. I remember thinking about tens, and how the zeros just plunk themselves down there so you don't even have to think about it. And on and on. When I remember all this, I become convinced that no amount of drumming on our part can take the place of a quiet place and time for the child's mind to reach out to the realities on its own.}
And now, as I think about the new translation of the Mass, I think about how for so long, experts have been trying to convince us that the bare facts contain the whole meaning of what we are approaching. It's true that a sentence is made up of subject and predicate. True, but not complete.
If “Don't Walk” is a message we need to get across, then fine. Subject (understood) and predicate will suffice. But the higher you go, the more you find that an integral part of meaning, beyond subject and predicate, is beauty.
Beauty isn't a dispensable aspect of the message of just about anything higher than street warnings. It's as wedded to the message as grace is to nature. A lot of people try to deny that nature/grace dynamism. The nature people want us to lose hope, and act as if the raw material is enough to sustain us. The grace people want to leap right over the concrete reality of expectant days, waning sun, fallen pine cones, cold earth — as if those things are just an incidental part of the Divine plan.
Advent is the time of re-uniting heaven and earth. Don't leave out the wonder and the simple beauty. Let them – wonder and beauty — do the work for you; or rather, let them be, and teach us how to be.
The simple act of lighting a candle in the home, if done peacefully and attentively, can open the door to wonder. Wonder is at the heart of Advent.
We can get frazzled and feel that we're not doing enough, that our children don't understand enough. Really, their understanding will grow with each year that they experience the same beautiful, simple rituals at home and at Church.
{Bridget was just mentioning how, when she was little, she felt the excitement of Advent growing each Sunday, as the readings at Mass, the lighting of the candles, and the singing of the Advent hymns brought us closer to Christmas. She really pities those children who don't go….}
The paradox is that children are also perfectly open to our introducing something to our devotions that we hadn't known about before, on account of our living without a collective memory and all. We shouldn't feel like we've failed if we are just starting on this road, no matter at what point we joined it.
Another paradox is that once we've let go of the purely didactic aspects of all our activity, the crazy practical preparations actually do become infused with meaning as well.
What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.
Once we free ourselves from this need for results, and remaining ever more responsive to beauty, we can try to provide those few elements that will leave room for wonder: a candle, a song (preferably ancient — O Come O Come Emmanuel is wonderful, but do look into the other verses lest it get a bit tiresome; learning all the words is a challenge they will live up to), a book, an image, a symbol.
Advent is a penitential season of expectation, so let's remember to foster little extra acts of self-denial and charity in each other, gently, with mindful anticipation. Not only is it crazy to turn Advent into 24 days of gift-giving, it's liturgically inappropriate!
What will be left at Christmas? Jaded, tired little cranky tots whose sense of wonder will have been ground down to a nub.
In Advent, the traditional helps are the Advent wreath, the calendar (preferably with Scripture verses of prophecies and Gospel passages), and/or the Jesse tree, if you can swing it (don't try to do it all at first — little by little).
Really live this season with a liturgical heart. Pay no attention to the voices, within or without, that say you are not doing enough. Follow the wisdom of the Church in building up gradually to the revelation of Christmas — don't expect to burst forth ready-made, um, two weeks ago. Advent is a journey for the child within! Little by little….
Emily says
What a wonderful post, Auntie! It's all good, and all worth reading a few more times, but your new Mass translation comments struck a particular chord. In the last two years or so, perhaps because I have become a mother for the first time and crave stillness and quiet in a new way, what I long for most in church is time to worship. Just to sit before God and be filled with awe for Him. And for me, that wonder is accomplished not through the plainest of words, and really not through “comprehension” per se, but in NOT comprehending – in being immersed in the glorious Mystery. Advent provides such beautiful opportunity for this pondering…
Maria says
You are so right about the nature/grace connection — we are indivisibly body and soul.
marija says
Wonderful post! I did hang up my wreath, but then couldn't see my dear husband during dinner. It was the joke of the meal! So, down it went! Thanks for your wisdom!
Cary says
Thank you! Every year, I think, should we be doing more – even more scripture reading, more giving, more something and I never really get it. I suppose it is because there has always been a craving for me during Advent for the quiet reflection, to just sit and admire the beauty of everything that is leading us to Christmas. Thank you for putting it so eloquently. Thank you for reaffirming that the simplicity of our life this season is really what we need.
A blessed Advent to you and yours.
Aunt Sue says
Somehow this reminds me of Walker Percy’s essay “Metaphor as Mistake” He talks about trying to express the inexpressible in words and falling terribly short. That’s surely where rituals like lighting candles come in. Human beings communicate only partially in words and all our other modes of communication have their own language. S
Lori says
My understanding of God's Word does not include instruction about a liturgical calendar (other than celebrating Christ's resurrection on the first day of the week), but this:
“What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.”
…is a truth I still need to hear in my parenting of the last one I am still homeschooling. So, your thoughts apply in different directions. Thank you for that.
_Leila says
Dear Lori — look carefully in God's Word for indications of the celebrations that Our Lord himself, as a Jew, took part in. And know that the early Church universally interpreted the celebration of worship as including liturgical seasons.
Each season is grounded in Salvation history: Advent, in the reliving of the prophecies of Jesus' birth as well as the journey of the wise men; Christmas, as a time to contemplate His birth; Epiphany, to consider the Finding of the Lord; Lent, to do as Our Lord did and deny the flesh for 40 days; Easter, to commemorate His resurrection; Pentecost, to celebrate the founding of the Church and the descent of the Holy Spirit.
If we don't live the cycle of the Church year, we tend to emphasize what we want to — our focus can narrow, and we are at risk of distorting God's message.
Some might find that they are more inclined to joy — others to penance and a sense of sin. Both are part of our faith. It's only by following an objective standard that we can be assured that we won't condition God's Word — by omission, for instance — in a way that pacifies our broken nature.
If all this weren't true (and I didn't make it up), then why would God give us more than just a week? His Word is revealed in many ways, including the form of time that He has given us. God bless!
kristin NoVA says
Thank you so much for this….just what I needed on a particularly pity-filled morning when I realized I had forgotten St Nicholas day and arent I just a rather crummy catholic mother, etc….I will Do What I Can…and that will be Enough. With joyful anticipation and gratitude….
Cary says
One year, I also forgot St. Nicholas and to make up for it, we all talked about the need to put our shoes out *that* night rather than the night prior.
Lisa G. says
Ahhhh. Ahhh, and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Camille says
I just wrote a post about being UNintentional and letting Christmas happen. Some planning is necessary, but if I see one more “25 crafts for Kids” e-book, I might scream. My kids are so happy to just sit and watch the candles. And we open a little door on the Advent calendar every day. But that is it.
As an aside, we purposely keep car rides quiet (meaning no DVDs and only sometimes music) to let the kids just be. It's fun to hear what they are thinking of when they speak up (they are 3 and 5)!
Emily says
“What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.”
This is one of the wisest things I've read in awhile. And something I needed to hear, as I've just been stressing about not “doing enough” for Advent. Which is silly, because we're lighting the candles, and singing and praying, and reading books about Jesus and St. Nicholas, and setting up a creche. And really, that is exactly what should be done, and I don't NEED to do more and more and more and more! Thank you for the reminder!
shwell says
this year we are doing exactly what you are doing, we made a wreath, we are lighting the candles everynight and reading from our Advent basket which we just added to today at the library. we are singing, praying, listening to Christmas music and we are working on the creche, found the manger, but still need to dig out the animals. I feel that this is enough for us – my boys are 4,6 and 8. We are going to branch into cookies and sugarplums this week with a couple of visits to elderly friends after we bake. I am leaving time for wonder this year. Last year we travelled to New Zealand for my first summer Christmas in 15 years and my boys first summer Christmas ever. We really missed the dark and quiet of our winter nights here in our home with our Advent candles……………..
_Leila says
Shwell, good for you. I do wonder how our antipodal friends do these seasons, and I would love to hear about it!
May I suggest learning and singing some Advent hymns, and saving the Christmas songs for Christmas, which begins on Dec. 24 after Midnight Mass and ends at the Baptism of the Lord? Here is my post on Advent hymns: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2009/11/if-you-will-go-nuts-if-you-listen-to.html” target=”_blank”> ” target=”_blank”> http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2009/11/if-you-will-go-nuts-if-you-listen-to.html
Nancy says
Excellent post. Reading your blog Gives me encouragement that I am not the only one trying to live a liturgical year. My home is the only one on the block that is not decorated for Christmas ( except for my Jewish neighbors).
Natasha says
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. We need to create a calm space for the Holy Spirit to do its work. We once had a woman tell us that she resumed attending mass because she saw us from her apartment window getting in our van on our way to mass every Sunday. We didn't know her and never noticed her watching us. God used our quiet actions to make big changes in her heart. This is my goal with my children and you reminded me of that today. May God bless you and your family this new church year.
Anne says
great story! thanks for sharing it.
Second Chances says
Oh my golly, thank you for putting my restless heart at ease. With a 9 year old, a 14 month old, and being 8 months pregnant with #3 and facing a difficult pregnancy, I have felt completely inadequate in bringing Advent into our home this year. You have reminded me well that my children need the mass, and will receive all they need there. We've focused a bit on sacrifice as of late, and silence, which I now think are perfect Advent resources. The physical stuff is not necessary. Thank you for giving me peace about this 😉
Lindsay says
“What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.”
Just perfect. I don't need to seek affirmation from my children. Thank you.
Christy says
Aww, such a great post! Isn't it crazy how much time we talk about doing things, and then clutter our time with activities instead of just living? I'm trying to slow down this Advent so thanks for the inspiration!
Melanie says
Thank you for writing this, I very much enjoyed it. The timing of it is so interesting as I was just thinking about this very topic earlier today. Being and doing are constantly in tension with each other and I am always seeking balance between them.
Sarah says
Thank you, thank you for this post. And the precious reminder. Advent is my favorite time of year but too easily I get caught up in everyone else's wonderful plans and feel as though I am just not 'doing' enough. Preparing for a little one in early Feb., along with celebrating the blessing of our 9 mo. old and two bigger kids, I'm trying to stop and enjoy the wonder. Thank you for helping me feel just fine with that this Advent 🙂 This year, that is enough.
MaryBeth says
thank you for this! I was just thinking that I wasn't doing enough with my children!! Very reassuring post 🙂
Rose says
Thank you for this! I've been reading a lot of blog posts lately full of activities and crafts that people are doing with their young children to celebrate Advent. I have two young boys myself and reading all of it had left me questioning whether I was doing them a disservice by not doing more. But the wonder and delight when we light our Advent wreath is written all over my four year old's face … thank you for the great reminder that it is the wonder that I want for him and not the “doing.”
Anne says
i love your story about the multiplication tables. so good to remember the importance of quiet!
sarah says
I love the hanging advent wreath! Beauty is a large part of what brought me home, to the church, I mean. Historical, logical, beautiful and Biblical! What a combination!
Glenda Childers says
I love this title (and the thoughts behind it) . . . for every day of the year.
Fondly,
Glenda
crafty p says
thank you Leila for these thoughts and reflections (I used a sentence of it for my FB status 😉
I was so frustrated tonight as we attempted after 4 days of not getting it in… our Jesse tree. This is a bit of a hectic year for us and I need to cut myself a little slack. I feel like I have simplified the word simplify as we prepare to move in a month and get ready for our fifth. That said, I will do what I can and celebrate the everyday wonder of it all. blessings to you!
_Leila says
crafty p — and others who are moving, expecting, and generally feeling breathless — try viewing the Jesse tree as a work in progress. If you add ONE SYMBOL a year, you will be doing just fine. Remember, the children have no expectations of what this thing should look like!
emily b says
crafty p–Be easy on yourself about the Jesse tree! My lenten efforts were actually to get the book and ornaments prepared for … next year! And I'm expecting my fifth too! Congrats… 🙂 emily b
Annalisa says
This is what really stands out to me; “Another paradox is that once we've let go of the purely didactic aspects of all our activity, the crazy practical preparations actually do become infused with meaning as well.” In this state of mind and body I find such peace and expectation in the practical preparation, much like in the nesting at the end of a pregnancy.
emily b says
Leila,
I always think I've read your wisest post yet and then you pop out with another! This was convicting/wonderful/relief-giving: “What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.” I have never linked these two in my head–but you are SO right! I also find it challenging that I am (at 36!!!) just beginning to discover–no, cling!–to what is good. Well, it's been a long road, but I just always feel like I wish I were a few more miles further down, if you know what I mean. But God is patient. And things will unfold as grace allows. Thank you and bless you! Emily B
dayphoto says
Your post was wonderful!
Linda http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com
Sue says
It's funny… I was kind of tempted to ditch most of the trappings of Advent this year after we decided to go to the US for the holidays. Of course, my kids would not allow it, but I find that we have ended up throwing out extras and leaving the most meaningful (to us) parts, and it's been very nice, very meaningful. I like the fact that each year can be a little different – taking into consideration what's going on in the family – while keeping some basic non-negotiable things so that the kids have those important traditions, and more importantly the meaning behind them, ingrained on their hearts.
Mary says
“What I think the children tire of, eventually, is our jangling attempts to elicit some response from them, which, in the end, comes to this: That we seek affirmation from them. When really, we should confidently offer them what we know to be good, and trust that the good will be accomplished.” Perfect. Thank you. You've put into words what I've been trying to share with my husband…his mom is a special ed preschool teacher and it rubbed off 🙂 Even I find myself trying to make everything a 'teachable moment' and overexplain everything when I need to just step back and let them wonder. I'm getting better 🙂 Thank you for the wonderful post!
Nancy says
This is a fine piece of writing, Leila. Thank you. Our pastor today talked about Christmas 2009, when he and his wife and five children were serving in Haiti for three months. Their Christmas was pared down to the essentials that year, because the Haitian culture is not taken over by ads, shopping, decorating, etc. It was a profound Christmas — just their family singing together, reading the Bible, and drinking in the wonder of the Incarnation. Our world is so hungry for the core of Christmas . . . and I want to look different from the rest of the crowd in how we celebrate it, so that people lacking Him might notice.