{Dress your child properly for cold weather, Part I.}
So you don't mind if I go back to the issue of kids' clothing for a minute, right? I realized I forgot to say the most important thing!
I'm happy to say that I have some cute models here.
They are MaryBeth's little boys, Thomas and Paul.
Just a word about MaryBeth and what a gift from God she is to our family. Back when Rosie was 16 years old, had been homeschooled for high school, and got her acceptance to Harvard, I had a bit of a crisis.
MaryBeth at Rosie's wedding. She and her father took the photos. |
At that time, Nick was at the University of Virginia and I was starting to assimilate what a big secular university can do to your kids. I knew intellectually — my husband wrote a book about it and we experienced it ourselves — that things would be harsh to the faith, but how to balance our kids' need to get out in the world with our desire to protect them?
The day Nick called (maybe two weeks into school his first year) and told us, among other things, that he met a nice fellow with whom he could go to Mass, I burst into tears when I hung up the phone. That's me. I cry when the stress is over.
Not that you can't go to Mass on your own. But having a friend…makes all the difference. I don't know what happened to that guy, but I could give him a big hug right now!
(I hadn't even realized how stressed I was, and it hadn't helped that, while I was confident in our son and what we had taught him, another mother had loudly proclaimed her certainty that now that we had dropped the guys off, there was no way they were going to care about such things as church on Sunday. She had shaken me.)
So as the days neared for Rosie to go off to school, I wondered why we had allowed this ridiculous fulfillment of a dream of our child's.
She wants to go to Harvard?
She got into Harvard?
Why are we letting her go? (Phil's father, a man of few words, had consoled me by saying “I found my faith at Harvard.” That's all he said. It helped. But…)
Enter MaryBeth, the girl the school assigned to be one of the four roommates freshman year. She is from the nearest big city, but of course we had never met her.
In one of their late summer conversations before heading off to live together for real, she confided in Rosie that she likes to go to daily Mass — would Rosie like to go with her?
That's one of God's little jokes He tells all the time — getting you to meet a kindred spirit and exclaim, “My, the world is a small place!”
Tears of joy again.
There's no particular reason for me to go into all this. I just thought you might like to know who these little boys are when I show you how they are dressed 😉
Now MaryBeth is a wife and mother of two and one on the way, and I thought you might like to see how the years unfold, and if you are patient and trust, you see such goodness grow where there was nothing but blind and naive hope.
So, getting back to clothing, I had to laugh when I read through all the comments on my post about dressing your child in the colder weather. It made me think of something a friend pointed out when she came home from a visit to Florida one February. “People there put on their jackets when it gets down to 70°. Here at home my boys take off their shirts when it's that warm!”
Yes, we have different views of things! I for one am not shocked by children running barefoot outside in 60°. I think babies need socks but 7-year olds running through the house probably don't, until they're ready to go out. (Putting bare feet into sneakers or boots is such a bad idea, but that's another post.)
I don't think men should walk around without their shirts on, but I wouldn't blame a guy for shedding a few layers when it hits that balmy temp. Whereas those used to very hot weather can't believe that we New Englanders don't get out our coats before the frost hits. There's just no point.
So use your common sense.
What I'm trying to get at is once it's cold — once you have the heat on (and some hardy souls here think only wimps touch the thermometer before Thanksgiving) — you have to protect your children against sudden changes. They are going from overheated schools to biting winds. One sweatshirt on bare skin is not going to cut it.
A sweater would make them too hot, immobilized, and uncomfortable, unless you homeschool all day in a house that you don't heat to a stifling degree, then a sweater over a shirt over a t-shirt works to keep warm, or unless they are spending all day outdoors and need one as a third layer under a jacket.
For true protection against unremitting cold, you must dress in a very specific way. Wool socks under sturdy waterproof boots, a set of long johns under corduroys, an undershirt, flannel shirt, and sweater, a warm parka with hat, mittens, and scarf. Not to mention snow pants.
Obviously, any child worth anything at all would expire on the spot if put into a warm car dressed this way, especially if packed in with other children!
In fact, I always tell my kids to wait to put on their coat, because I know they will start suffocating if they get it on too soon.
Once a child is dressed that way, expect him to start shedding layers as he sleds or skis. But also know that if the wind chill is high and the sun disappears, there is serious risk of hypothermia and frostbite, and the stuff has to go back on.
But I'm mainly talking about the normal round of getting in and out of the car, in and out of heated buildings.
But no matter what, once it gets below 60° or so, a t-shirt is a must!
And this is the part I neglected to emphasize before: You have to tuck it in!
Tuck the t-shirt into the underpants and, if the shirt allows it (this one pictured wouldn't be comfortable), the shirt into the pants. Then things are not only warm, they don't slide around and the pants stay up. For girls, tuck the t-shirt into the panties and that way the tights won't bother their middles and their dresses will be comfy. It's not modest to wear a skirt but have your belly sticking out!
Then you are good to go.
Even with only a shirt on over the underwear shirt, a child can be comfortable whether things get a little warm or a little chilly.
You think your child doesn't mind when his belly is exposed? Maybe some aren't bothered, I'm sure I don't know.
But the more sensitive to his surroundings a child is, the more careful you need to be about getting his core nicely tucked in smooth cotton.The more fretful your child, the more reluctant to join in games or go outside or put down his book, the more you should pay attention to me.
I know because that's how I was, and I remember that dressing this way is what freed me to be able to move around, run, and jump, which is what children should do.
I didn't like it when things felt loose, even though I probably said I did, and resisted taking the time to dress this way, on the grounds that “I hated it” or “I didn't need to.” How can a child know what things will be like in a few hours or in a different location?
You're the mom, you know that a child has that constitutional reluctance to invest time and effort now for a future gain — in fact, that is the definition of immaturity!
So you have to pay attention to this, using your common sense! Say, “Put on a t-shirt under your shirt and wear your jacket. You can take it off later if you are too hot.”
I think I'm done obsessing about this. But you never know….
Pippajo says
This is an almost constant struggle with Man-Cub. He seems to want to be clothed in as little as possible at all times, the little nudist. Redheaded Snippet is okay as it's fashionable right now for athletic teen-aged girls to wear layers, but every day I have to order Man-Cub to get an undershirt on and GET THOSE SHORTS OFF AND PUT ON PANTS! We have had freakishly warm weather around here lately but it's almost November! In fact, I just told him now to start preparing himself mentally and emotionally because when we go to pick pumpkins in a few hours he's wearing jeans. He sighed and slumped out of the room.
This post reminds me, I need to go pick up some new undershirts and unmentionables for him…can't expect him to comply without the correct accoutrements now, can I?
_Leila says
Like I said, when it is 70 you're on your own.
Clare says
This is so true. It can apply to the grown ups too, and I find if I am struggling to get to a comfortable temperature, when a T and a shirt alone is not enough, but a jumper/sweater is too much, I often find tucking in my topis just enough. Does any one else find considerable difficulty in finding adult shirts that are long enough to tuck in? And I'm only around 158cm tall!
priestswife says
yet another reason to have a van in warmer climates- we can keep warmer/colder weather clothes in there- the weather changes so rapidly!
Camille says
This post is getting under my skin in a very good way! My 4 year old daughter is insistent on only wearing dresses, which is fine because we are in a warm area of the country. But the problem is that she doesn't want to wear tights or leggings and prefers sleeveless and it is just not warm enough for that! It's also hard to really play and ride bikes in a long dress. Now I'm prepared to stand my ground with her and insist on covered legs and pants when dresses aren't appropriate.
And I just noticed lately that my almost 2 year old son HATES having his shirt ride up. He pulls it right down when it sneaks up. I'll definitely be tucking in when we get rid of the diapers. Thanks for that tip!
Anitra says
I learned to ride my bike, swing, and climb the jungle gym in knee-length or longer skirts. (Background: My elementary school had a strict dress code and my mom didn't make me change into “play” clothes after school.) The important part is that her legs are covered (tights, leggings, legwarmers, whatever), she is warm enough (layers on top and bottom in colder weather), and that the skirt isn't TOO long or too tight.
I generally put my 2-year-old daughter in pants, but whenever she wears a dress, I don't notice that it hinders her from doing anything except that it makes climbing stairs harder.
Rachael says
I'm 13 weeks pregnant with my first child and its been a long road for me to learn to stay warm. My mother had some major circulation issues, so the house was kept warm, as she couldn't keep herself warm. I lived in southern China, with no heat for a few years, so I learned layers there. Then I lived in Los Angeles, where it never actually gets cold. Now, in central Texas, it does cool off decently, and we only heat the house to 60' when it gets that cold… we are total tightwads. Your posts about dressing children has gotten me thinking about how to keep baby warm when the house is quite chilly for me. This is good stuff, keep it coming! (I have enjoy the breastfeeding posts, and all the baby posts!)
Rebekka says
I'm a grownup and I wear camisoles (tucked in!) under my tees year round.
Nicole says
I don't think I've thanked you for these posts. I DID grow up in South Florida and have been having difficulty adjusting to living somewhere with lots of snow. Since, God-willing, my husband is going to the priest here a very long time, I need to figure out how to be one of those non-sissies! I seriously ran out and bought long underwear for everyone this week. 🙂 Thanks for your advice.
Elizabeth says
Love that picture of the chubby hand with a salamander. If that doesn't say “boyhood,” I don't know what does:)
margo says
I love all the backstory – thank you! This is how I have conversations, too, and I adore rabbit trails.
Now, to the point: thanks for the case for tucking in. We don't do that, but I'm going to mend my ways. Well, when my son is done potty training. Potty training requires its own set of wardrobe adjustments!
_Leila says
Ha ha! Yes, potty training usually requires near nakedness…
Rochelle says
Yes! I love all your advice, but I've especially found your dressing young children thoughts (commands?) very helpful! I cleaned out all the summer dresses, etc. since reading your previous article. I've also been laying my son's clothes with a cotton “onsie” under all his pj's or shirt and pants….I also make sure his socks go up to his little knees under his pants. No gaps!!
As to my little girl, we need new undershirts! We live in a temperate climate (just dropped below 80 this week!), but her slip and dress with cardi don't seem like enough…the slip was a gift and it's just not soft (50/50) and warm enough…I'm in search of good undershirts. One more thing to buy. Why is it we get lovely hand-me-down dresses and sweaters and then mamas have to buy the boring stuff like socks, shoes and underwear?!? 😀
Anitra says
My sister-in-law (who is only 21) gives our daughter socks (along with a toy) at every gift-giving occasion. Bless her heart, she knows what we need! I am going to try to get into that habit with my friends and family.
Rochelle says
Also, Paul and Thomas are precious! And I love those boy names. Very strong. Sounds like MaryBeth has been a wonderful friend to Rosie. Kindred spirits are a great blessing! My next-door neighbor in our last house was this for me. Oasis in a dessert…or a ghetto. 🙂
Rachel P. says
Sorry, Auntie Leila, but I had a teacher scandalize his class when he tucked his undershirt into his underwear and then took off his polo momentarily only to reveal his underwear hiked up to his rib cage well beyond his trousers waist. I define modesty to include your unmentionables remaining unseen by the general public. I do have my children wear undershirts and they are tucked into their trousers or jeans but I will not tuck them into their underwear. Your fundamental argument is right on however. It does no good to dress in layers if a cold breeze quickly negates your efforts by drifting up the front of a skirt or shirt. Your appeal to have mothers everywhere use common sense when it comes to dressing their children warmly was brought to mind just last Sunday when I saw a little two year old girl clothed in a sleeveless sundress with no sweater or socks of any kind. Her little legs and arms were so mottled I nearly tossed my coat over her shoulders. I would have if she had been headed outside but she was off to play in a nice warm childrens room.
Loni says
I would have to say that 1. said teacher's underwear were too big, if he could pull them up to his ribcage, and 2. no one should be showing off his underwear (top or bottom) in public. I think it was inappropriate to remove the polo, IMO. Tucking shirts in the elastic waistband of underwear helps keep them tucked – much better than just the waistband of pants. My boys always have trouble finding pants that fit around the waist, in any case. Even with a belt, it's not a perfect fit.
Now, if I could just find some shirts that I could tuck in (at 20 weeks pregnant) that would indeed be a wonderful thing! Why must all maternity clothes be made of polyester and tissue paper? I hate borrowing my husband's warm sweatshirts and button-downs (they look so slovenly on me), but darn it! I need warmth! I can't seem to find decent maternity clothes – all the necklines are cut down to there, and the fabric is shamefully thin. Boo! Hiss! I want a thermal shirt that fits!
Anitra says
Loni, I've had some success finding PLAIN maternity t-shirts (short or long-sleeved) at Target and at Motherhood Maternity. Depending on your pants and the size of your belly, you should be able to tuck them in.
I haven't been able to find much in the way of sweaters/sweatshirts/etc. that fit over my belly, though. I'm getting tired of wearing “regular” cardigans and jackets open all the time.
Barbara says
How wise it is to train young people to wear under clothes. It is important that once they become young men and women they know how to “under dress” properly, not just for modesty but hygiene as well. My young men must wear undershorts under their dress shorts or they would ruin the armpits. Even with deodorant young men sweat up the armpits of their shorts. And if young ladies knew how to under dress properly we wouldn't have near the immodesty we do in society. Something got lost in the last few generations.
Barbara says
Duh! Under SHIRTS under their dress SHIRTS. Must remember to proof read.Goodness I typed that three times. One would think I had a Freudian slip. Maybe I did! 😉
PS Those little boys are darling. Absolutely darling.
Heather says
Please point me in the right direction for stores where I can find affordable undershirts for a toddler girl (size 3T-4T) and infant boy in cloth diapers (size 24 month onesies).
_Leila says
Target, Marshall's, Sears…save money by not buying too many sweaters 😉
Heather says
The Target store near my and Carter's website only sell onesies up to size 24 months. That will fit my 8 month old right now, but at a chunky 26 lbs, I'm sure I'll need to upsize him before the weather warms. I want to stay away from Gerber, because they shrink so badly in the wash–the 18 month onesies fit like 9 month size after one prewash and dry. I'll look at Sears, but their online listing only had onesies up to 24 months as well. Any other leads?
Anitra says
Past 24m, you're looking at 2T-3T (depending on brand), and probably shirts instead of onesies. Other than that, I can't help; I don't know where to even get undershirts for _myself_, never mind my toddler.
Barbara says
Heather — do you have a Carter's store near you? ( http://www.carters.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-… ) Carter's has the nicest underclothes, as does Hanna Andersson (http://www.hannaandersson.com/“ target=”_blank”> http://www.hannaandersson.com/” target=”_blank”>(http://www.hannaandersson.com/ ) but at a much higher price.. Any Target or K-Mart will have Hane's or Fruit of the Loom underclothes, though they are not quite as long lasting.
Beth says
We live in the South and so much of your discussion of layers has to stop at about the 3rd layer around here at least for another month or so. But I must say I did think of you last night as being out of a clean undershirt for my 2 year old (crazy week), I tucked his pj top into his pj bottoms and pulled his socks up around his knees to keep him toasty during the night. Especially since he is seriously opposed to a blanket at night (go figure) unless I can sneak in after he falls asleep! Some of us were raised properly even in the current times. 🙂
Linda says
I love how you write and that you 'converse' with us. Moreso the initial story really spoke to me (seeing my children are married adults now and we live in a tropical climate and never experience weather even close to snow. I did still however enjoy reading your dressing advise for little ones in the cold. Anything you write seems chock-full of wisdom).
…”and I thought you might like to see how the years unfold, and if you are patient and trust, you see such goodness grow where there was nothing but blind and naive hope.” This made me cry. Tears of comfort and release… We're experiencing a time of change and I didn't realise how 'tense' some of this upheaval was making me until I read your powerful words conveying God's working in our lives. He can be trusted. Thank you so much Leila!
emily barton says
“Blind and naive hope” is so much better than fear (which is where I go in my less faithful moments!)…. I loved the beautiful background story. Thanks for the reminder of how God works in wonderful ways–such testimonies to His faithfulness are so powerful. Incidentally, what is the title of your husband's book on faith/universities? Would love to look it up. Emily B
_Leila says
It's called Coughing In Ink and unfortunately it's out of print.
Conny says
Your post reminded me how much my son hates it when I make him wear an undershirt in the winter. It also made me smile! Now if I could only find decent undershirts that don't stretch out after the 5th washing in little boys' sizes. I'll go check out Carters' website. I know we have a hannaandersson store at the nearby mall.
Thanks much.
Deb Meyers says
i found HannahAndersson undies to be worth every penny, Conny. The initial cost a bit shocking, but so soft and hold their shape and size.
deb meyers
Sue says
Ooooh! You might like the Japanese tummy warmers. They are little “tubes” of waffle cotton material that go over the underpants/undershirt just to make sure there is no tummy exposure. Being a Georgia girl and all I didn't really get it, but after reading this I realize it's not such a crazy idea, really. Exposing the tummy to cold is a big no-no in Japan (and other Asian countries, I suspect), and the lack of central heating probably has something to do with it. That and the fact that all Japanese people I know claim that a chilled tummy gives them intestinal problems.
My kids are half and half. Half of them are of the Japanese constitution, and hate to get chilled – like my hubby. The other two are polar bears, like me. I could never make my protesting daughter wear an undershirt, because I hate them, too! Now that we have a cabin up north, though, I am starting to understand the wisdom! Live and learn!
Michelle says
I am from New Zealand and call those undershirts -singlets – my kids and I all wear them here in Maine, we just stopped wearing them this week as it is finally warming up, 60-70 most days this week and warm enough at night not to need a singlet.
the kids put on clean ones after a bath, either daily or every other day depending on the need :), then they wear them till the next bath. When you get out of a warm bed on a cold Maine morning it is so nice to take off the Pajama top and then put on the shirt without having to change the warm layer next to my boys skin. great post!
Caitlin says
Just a late note from a fellow Wahoo… I didn’t know your son went to UVa! I’m a fairly recent grad myself and lived just down the street from St. Thomas Aquinas. Is that the church Nickmattended? I am Orthodox but didn’t know it at the time and my now-husband and I went to Mass there a few times. It was lovely. It’s so nice to find connections like that! And those boys are adorable!