Advent is the perfect time to begin to see what I meant by saying — surprising even myself — that the home is a place for order and wonder.
THE question, the one I started blogging to try to answer, the one I despair of finding time or brain cells to answer (because I'm just little old ME, what do I know?) and yet, everyone asks me because everyone asks everyone…
…and I'm willing to try to answer, even though I don't know how to say it… THE answer to the question of how exactly your home should be, to be the best possible place for a child to grow and learn, in short, “How do you do it?” —
–Is–to live your family's own expression of order
— the right understanding and use of things;
— and wonder
— the sense of the otherness of God and the beauty of His creation.
We can wonder about wonder: How will I do that? Do I talk about it? Put up signs? Give a lecture to my kids? (“Be amazed!” I hear parents all over the land admonishing…) Is there a curriculum for that? Where do I buy it?
In a sense there is a curriculum for that! And it's free!
It's true!
The Church and the generations that have gone before us have given us a miraculous guide for keeping a simple heart of wonder in ourselves and our children.
It's Christian life, which includes — along with Sundays, prayer, and knowing the Saints — living the Liturgical Year, which ends this Sunday and begins again a week from Sunday.
This requires nothing more from us than to make a few simple preparations.
Now, I know that most people eat their turkey and then start decorating for Christmas. (God help us, the songs, the infernal songs, have already started in the stores.) And we all like to be in on this, because Christmas decorations are beautiful (and the other songs, the holy ones, are lovely).
The problem is, starting out of the proper time leads to Christmas fatigue on the one hand, and on the other, to a sense of letdown the day after Christmas, when we feel it's all over.
The reality is that this time before Christmas has been given to us as a time of pondering, of silence, and, above all, of waiting.
And these things — pondering, silence, expectation – are exactly the dispositions we need to instill wonder, not only in the hearts of our children, but in our own, which so often can be overwhelmed by the noise and bustle of life, not to mention this artificial season of The Holidays.
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light.”
Simply by lighting a candle, and then two candles, and then three, and then four — we can begin to inspire wonder in our family…
No need for long lectures, extra school work, or really even talking directly to them. Just do these things devotedly, as a family, and you will see them respond.
{By the way, don't be afraid of real candles even with young children. There is something mysteriously inspiring about candles that we can't deprive them of. I want to use the word magical, but in the good sense. Think of it — nothing else physical remains undiminished when it's shared, as candlelight does.
No other light — apart from the sun — has the warmth and beauty of candles. You will find a safe way to bring candles into your daily routine, I know it.}
Advent traditions are simple, childlike, and inspiring. Last year I did post on some of the things our family does, and I encourage you to re-read those Advent posts, keeping in mind that if I, with four birthdays to celebrate in December, can do it, so can you!
I realize very well that the mother of the family has to think ahead. But if we can make the time truly one for preparation, not fulfillment (as in, ta-da! the day after Thanksgiving my house is fully decorated up to the hilt), I believe we will have a deeper experience of the riches of Christmas, which then lasts until the Baptism of the Lord!
Are you up for not doing things on Hallmark time, but rather on Church time? Can you stand the peer pressure of it all?
It might not be easy…
By all means, get things ready and involve the children! By all means, make ornaments, bake cookies, and set up your Nativity set.
But tuck the cookies away…leave Baby Jesus out of His manger for now.
Emphasize the waiting…
Did you know that Advent is a time of penance? Not the way Lent is, exactly. More in that way that when a longed-for guest is on his way, we save the best things for him.
So fie! on those Advent calendars with chocolates inside the doors! Since candy and sweets abound during Christmas, why not use this time to encourage the little ones to hold off, for the sake of Jesus' coming?
Just as we wouldn't eat the cake before the party, so we don't start the feasting until Christmas Day (always excepting the four birthdays, the Feast of St. Nicholas, the Immaculate Conception, and please, please do not bring up any other feasts to me, I cannot handle it!).
Likewise, although I'm impressed by the creativity of today's crafty moms, I can't say I think it's a good idea to institute the Advent gift tradition. Twenty-four presents before Christmas morning? No, people. If anything, we want to be lowering present-oriented expectations, not gearing them up for an impossible consummation. I have nothing against giving presents for the Twelve Days of Christmas, if you can stomach it.
The primary reality of Christmas is that the Second Person of the Trinity became man, taking on flesh to become that bridge between the darkness of human existence and the light of the Godhead.
There was a darkness in the time of the waiting of the Jews for the Messiah, and there was a darkness amongst the pagans. Today we have a growing experience, alas, of this same twofold darkness: a weariness of the law and a slavery to disorder.
What can we do to overcome this darkness? We must live the hope that the Light of the World comes — that He came once in time and continues to come to each person and will come again.
To live in this wonder, dig deep for those childhood memories, if you are blessed to have them, of what your family did to prepare for the coming of Christ.
Did you put straw in the manger with your good deeds?
Did you open the doors on the Advent calendar?
Did you sing O Come, O Come Emmanuel as you lit the candles on the Advent wreath?
If you didn't grow up with traditions, then learn them! Start slowly, be simple, don't expect perfection.
These are the traditions that our children are longing for. Don't worry if you haven't done them before. You can start them any time. Start now!
Meredith says
Thank you for this!
Tamara says
Thank you Leila! I'm inspired to prepare for Christmas with a beautiful, liturgical, but simple Advent! And, since I don't have 4 birthdays to celebrate in December, I'll celebrate just one additional feast day instead… But don't worry, I won't tell you which one! 😉
Anne R Triolo says
Thanks leila! I have been thinking a lot about starting my family off with good traditions. I grew up with some (advent wreath, straw in the manger…), but I want more. Any ideas on how to search out MORE traditions?
Barbara says
Thank you! I decided to skip the Jesse Tree this year and focus on Sundays, feasts, and preparation. And candles. My children love candles; I just need to remember to light them at dinnertime. I looked at your old Advent posts and I like the idea of having a wreath in the dining room and kitchen. The little ones eat in the kitchen in the morning; they'll like waking up to a lit candle.Thanks also for the reminder about Advent being a season of penance. I can use the time to test meatless meals in preparation for Lent.
Mrs. N. says
We are not Catholic, but Advent was an important observance in the church in which I was reared. The protestant church has thrown many of the traditional observances over and I find it sad and unfulfilling. It is difficult to find Advent materials (never mind lenten materials)for the protestant home. Your blog has reminded me of the beauty associated with the observance of Advent and has encouraged me to continue to look for or to choose my own readings and music. Thank you.
Leila says
Annie and Barbara: The Jesse tree is a truly beautiful preparation. It's somewhat involved and takes a lot of time to do well, as it involves the whole of Salvation history :)If you are like me, and arrive at this season pre-stressed, or if you have very small children, or hey, if both, you might want to spread the making of it over several years. (Or, as Barbara has done, skip it for a year or two.)There is no law saying everything has to be done all at once! The ornaments can be kept in a special box with the other Advent materials.Tasha Tudor's Take Joy is a wonderful resource for Advent ideas and songs.
Sarah says
That was an incredibly beautiful post! Thank you so much for this … I will be pondering it a lot this week and in the weeks to come. I have been feeling drawn to a simpler, peaceful Advent. Purposeful, but not filled with things I think I "should" be doing. This was very encouraging for me to read! My one concern is how to do this, especially with less focus on the feasting and presents, with kids. How to draw them into it without all the secular temptations. Does that make sense? Anyway, thanks again! God bless you.
MaryAnn says
Very thoughtful, thought-provoking post. It is so hard to go against the all-Christmas-all-December atmosphere, and this reminds me that is not only important, it's actually feasible.Any ideas or resources that you can share with me for the bulletin boards in our church's classrooms? We use these rooms for Children's Liturgy of the Word, as well as Faith Formation classes. Any suggestions welcome and appreciated.Peace be with you -MaryAnn
jenny says
Hi Leila,This blog has become one of my favorites since the summer. I particularly love your Advent post. (Yes, the Christmas greenery went up at this apartment complex just after Halloween and I was so ticked I fired off one last letter to Rosie). I'm looking forward to making my own wreath later this week. It's such a good thing to light it each morning before work and spend a few minutes in prayer. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours and a blessed Advent too.
Melissa says
Oh, Leila. Beautiful truth, beautifully said. So often, in reading through your posts, I think 'yes, exactly!' with a sense of thankfulness that someone is saying it with so much grace and encouragement. And charm.:) And the right touch of confidence-born-of-experience.:) It's a gift to the reader. Tonight, I needed to slow down and think ahead as Advent approaches. You helped me do that. Thank you. I love the hanging advent wreath idea, too. I will shamelessly copy it. God bless you and yours.
Leila says
Dear Melissa,You won't be copying me, it's an old custom! A friend to day told me that this post made her realize for the first time that her chandelier has 4 candlesticks — for real candles — and all she has to do is put up some greenery and the right color candles and she's all set! Lucky her…:)
Emily (Laundry and L says
We're slowly putting together our Advent/Christmas/Epiphany traditions as a family. One thing that I love is that we have Christmas presents on Christmas day, but we do stockings (filled with three small gifts) on Epiphany. It spreads out the wealth for the children, and we love celebrating the Three Kings' gifts this way.