So. How much do you hate waking up in the morning?
Me too.
If you live for jumping out of bed and are an amazing morning person, I love you, please go away.
If you drag yourself out from under the covers every day, late, can't function until the second cup of coffee, feel paralyzed by the nursing baby and overwhelmed by the messy beds, and never even get dressed until noon, read on.
I will help you. Because you can't possibly be as averse to the morning as I am.
Everyone else will tell you to get up on time and take a shower, but I will tell you HOW to do that! It's my secret, and I'm sharing it with you!
First of all, decide what is on time for you.
Never mind your neighbor who wakes up in an hour that begins with a “five” and works out, prays, and cleans her house before her family even stirs. We will never be like her and we are just going to try not to hate her.
No, you and I have to change our thinking. Let's figure out what is the latest possible time you can get up and be ready for the fixed point in your schedule.
What would that fixed point be? Hubby leaves for work at 7:15, and you'd like to kiss him goodbye?
{Did you know that men who kiss their wives goodbye in the morning have a lower rate of heart disease than men who don't? Fact.}
Kids have to catch a bus at 6:50? Mass starts at 7?
For me it was the latter that finally made me figure out what to do with my sorry sleeping-in self.
I wanted to get to daily Mass.
Let's say for the sake of argument that you've been getting up at around eight…fifteen, and your kids often get up earlier than you and sort of run amok, spilling various liquids while getting their cereal, playing dinosaurs in the living room, maybe even (gasp) watching TV. You never even get to schooling until after lunch, when you've dug out of the mess.
So even when you do get up, there's sort of a mountain of chaos created, as it were, while you were sleeping; as if it's not enough to face the one from the day before.
You feel grubby, milk-stained, bleary, and disoriented. There is a vague sense of guilt tinged with defiance as you face, day after day, the knowledge that your husband's last look at the house has been…this, with an admixture of relief that at least it wasn't…you in your present state.
What to do?
You've tried setting alarms. You've tried not caring. But you know that you need to get up at your “on time” — for the sake of argument, let's say 7. And you just can't do it!
{And note that I'm not saying that each and every one of us should get up at 7. I get up at 6:15 — an unthinkably early time, for me — your “on time” might be 9 or noon — maybe you are a nurse with a night shift– or 6 or 4:30 am.
Maybe you just had a baby. Don't stress out about getting up. Please use your common sense here.}
Here's the secret: stop thinking of your target time as early or even on time. Try thinking of it as actually a little late.
Now in the next week, start trying to get up at 7:45 instead of 8, and think of 7:30 as early, but not super early.
The first day will be terrible, because likely you aren't going to bed at a good time either. Struggle through and do what you have to to get to bed “on time” — probably an hour earlier than you have been (I'm basing this all on me, you realize, so adjust accordingly). If you have trouble falling asleep, I have a few suggestions:
1. Cut out all caffeine (including coffee ice cream) after 10 am. (By the way, it recently dawned on me that perhaps my nursing babies' trouble with sleeping was all the caffeine they were getting from me. Sigh.)
2. Don't take a nap for the adjustment period.
3. Work in 15-minute increments rather than going all cold-turkey. You have a sleep cycle that's hormonal and you have to work with it.
4. Relax your jaw as you fall asleep. Make an effort to open your mouth with your lips together, if that makes any sense at all!
5. Try to take 20 slow, deep breaths in a row. This is amazingly hard to do. Relax your jaw and breathe slowly. After about 5 you will realize that you are as tense as an adder. Start again! Keep trying, and soon it will be morning!
6. Make sure you take your iron and vitamin D or cod liver oil. Also try a bath or a foot bath or even soaking your hands in warm water in which you've dissolved Epsom salts. Magnesium helps you sleep, and most of us are deficient. It's much better absorbed through the skin than taken as a supplement!
After a few days, start thinking of 7:30 as a little late and and 7:15 is quite early, hopelessly so. Not for you. You can set your alarm for 7:15 and enjoy sleeping a bit late — until 7:30!
You get the idea? The following week, start thinking of 7 am as a little late — it's 6:30 that's so early.
As you do this, start pondering the issue of the shower. If you can find a way to get yourself in the shower first thing, do it! Do you need a hook for your towel? Do you need a good bathrobe?
Don't make taking a shower an adventure — a daily safari!
Don't force yourself to make a brand new decision every day to take a shower — do you know what I mean?
“Okay, well, it's ten o'clock, the plumber is coming, maybe I better get in the shower, although he might get here before I'm done, gee, what should I do…”
Be showered without undergoing this kind of decision-making process, which is exhausting, daunting, and paralyzing! Figure out what you need, make it handy, and take a shower before anything else happens. Make it a habit, not a decision.
That way, you are ready for the plumber as well as the unexpected visitor, not to mention your husband and kids!
It's all very well to be a disheveled mess every morning when your kids are little. But you kind of want standards as they grow. You want them to know that you like to look good around them; that you are not okay with being a disheveled mess in their presence, just because you are close to them.
The most important thing you can do to be a more loving mom, a happier wife, a more efficient housekeeper, a more intelligent homeschooler — is being rested, clean, and dressed! (Well, don't forget meals and laundry over there on the sidebar—->)
Now, that's not so much to ask, is it?
{You know, I'm all for talking about the ideal of the vocation of the wife and mother, but at some level it's sort of a job. It is at least a responsibility. What would you think of a worker who was consistently late and ungroomed for her job? Ouch.}
Is your hair a problem? Does this seem like a random question?
When my kids were little, my hair was long, thick, and curly. It took all day to dry and made me so cold in the winter that I became somewhat immobilized.
Could a perky, easy haircut make things run more smoothly? If so, the expense is incredibly worth it. A trip to the hairdresser in this case is the equivalent of a new vacuum cleaner, a running car, a deep freezer. While you are at it, buy a blow dryer and some good products.
Wouldn't everyone be happier if you didn't have the same tight ponytail every day? Not to sound all What Not To Wear-ish or anything, but do what has to be done to not hate looking in the mirror every morning.
Are clothes a problem? Sometimes stay-at-home moms don't get up because they dread looking in the closet. Think about what you wish were there and get it! Maybe you need a few more very practical items. Maybe you need some inspiring cute items. Maybe you have only one outfit to nurse in!
Don't let it stop you that you need clothes. Go to Marshall's and get some. Just a few, good, attractive things to put on, already.
Buy yourself some nice foundation make-up, very sheer; eye liner that is appropriate for your coloring; a little blush; a nice lip gloss. You already have a whole extra half-hour to work with! Get dressed, gel your hair, put on a smidge of makeup, and –VOILA!
What about the baby? Can I suggest a playpen?
You need a safe spot to put the baby while you go to the bathroom. Playpens seem all last century, and someday I'm going to write a post about how it's a shame they went out of fashion.
Oh well. If you can stick the baby in bed with an older kid while you shower, do it! If your husband can take the baby out of bed so you can get up, let him!
Eventually you will get to the point where you consider your “on time” time a little on the late side, actually. That's a win!
You will not mind getting up because you will feel more in control of your fate and less like you are battling a rogue force from the jungle, complete with strangling vines.
You might even make your bed before you leave the room 🙂
You will never really like it, but you can do it! If I can, so can you!
Cass @ That Old Hous says
Great post — best part, the YES vote for playpens. They should be indispensable tools for Moms. A safe and fun place to for baby while you unload the groceries or boil the pasta. Not a punishment. My kids are early 20s, and even back then they were frowned upon — they would "stifle" your child. Ha. My kids have traveled all over by themselves, from Bosnia to Guam, and are independent grad students now with teaching fellowships. Not stifled. Good fences make good neighbors, and safe babies.Cass
Dawn says
Miss Leila,Can I just say how much I love your blog?I Love your Blog!!Seriously, I read a lot of blogs…and some of them are just so professional sounding. Like these women sound like professors or public speakers or something.And I come here, and I feel like you are actually talking to me. I love it!!Your writing style, (which I am sure even those words probably make you cringe), is so unique. Please don't ever get professional on us. Your posts sound REAL.You made me believe I could do laundry for this family of 12 I've got. You made me believe I could make menus, and hubby and I did it.It didn't even hurt!!And now, you have challenged me to get my lazy butt out of the bed at a decent hour. Not EARLY, mind you. 🙂 Just before the 4 yr old makes her own cereal.Okay…so I can now decide if I am up for the challenge. We start back to homeschool next week, so this came at the right time for me.Thank you for making it real. I so appreciate it.DawnA non-morning person mom of 10
MomE says
Thank you for talking like a REAL mom and not some super human woman that we all love to hate…er, I mean try NOT to hate. I've been trying to be the crazy neighbor you mentioned and I'm burning out BIG TIME! I've started shutting the bathroom door…and teaching my toddlers the word PRIVACY. Seriously, all this babywearing is nutsing me out…give me a playpen! Thanks for the relief…and the comfort that a good mom struggles with getting up and getting going too!
southerninspiration says
Great encouraging post today….I really like your style, too.Have a good day, and get some good sleep tonight! :)suzanne
Meredith@MerchantShi says
I'm grateful that you share your secrets : )
Polly says
Well, this was one of the best things I've read all summer. (Not to mention one of the most amusing–my best friends are both the 'up early' girls and I'm NOT AT ALL, so I had to laugh when you said those morning people should go away!) So helpful. Thank you so much!
Lindsey in AL says
Thanks for permission to eat coffee ice cream before 10 am. What? That's what this post was about, right? Now I'm off to decide what "on time" is for me.
Kathryn says
Thanks for a great post! I love anything that can help me make our lives easier, and getting up early–when my husband leaves for work–is the best. That being said, I still have mornings where I'm in a fog at 10:30am from getting to bed late and getting up late. Thanks for being kind and encouraging to my lazy self. 😉 I love our playpen and use it daily. Also, since our tiny house is kind of centered around our dining room, I have a bouncy seat on the table for my 2 month old. She can be in the center of things without being tripped on, and a certain meddling 4 year old isn't quite as tempted to mess with her. She can see us all and is much happier, and I can get more done.
jj says
Thanks. I loved reading this. I forget how I stumbled upon your blog. I admit I'm the one you hate – up at 5 a.m. to work out and have the house cleaned before the husband or kids stir (oh, I was supposed to stop reading at the beginning of the post!). But I nap sometime during the day so that balances us out. I just love all things practical you mentioned. We're all different and just need to figure out how to schedule our lives in a way that works for us and our families. JJ
Party of Eight says
HI! Thanks for posting my daily schedule over the interwebs! (HA, HA) No seriously, thanks for the great advice, I came over here from Elizabeth Foss's shared items. I love everything you said. God Bless You!
Mrs. Pickles says
THANK. YOU. FOR. THIS. POST!! So much here I needed to hear. My husband is a morning person. This was the cause of our first marital conflict when we were newlyweds. Our life together almost came to an abrupt, violent end one morning when the alarm went off at o'dark-thirty and he bounced out of bed singing, "It's morning, it's morning, it's time to go to WORK!" while I looked around for something pointy to throw at him. (thankfully I was too bleary-eyed to follow through) :)I have to say this is THE #1 Biggest Challenge for me as a homeschooling mom. I've come to learn that my problem is going to bed too late. I like staying up to about 11, but this was killing me. One week I got so fed up with feeling run over all the time that I forced myself to go to bed every night before 10, cold turkey. So I wouldn't rebel, I told myself I wasn't going to SLEEP, just to BED. I ended up falling asleep pretty quickly, though, and lo and behold, by the end of the week I was naturally waking up BEFORE 6:30 (gasp!) and feeling tired at night around 9:30!I'll never beat my children up in the morning — they seem to have inherited their father's morning personality — but at least I can usually head them off before they turn the house upside down.
Freckled Hen says
Another post chock full of great advice. You put things so eloquently even if you dismissed us early risers. You should put these lovely, informative posts into book form. They're very good!
Pippajo says
Bam! Right between the eyes once again! And this couldn't be more timely with school starting again in a few weeks.Thank you.
Jenna says
Thank you, thank you, thank you for inspiring the laziest of wives (that's me) to get something done. I regularly ooh and ahh over your quilts and tasty-looking frugal meals and think, I only have ONE BABY and still I could never do THAT! But perhaps, with your method,… I could :)Also, my husband liked hearing that me kissing him in the morning might prevent heart disease!
Anonymous says
Thank you Leila for this, as usual, great article with specific examples. I now get up very, very early. It's a shame I wasn't this disciplined when raring our precious children. However we did commence our schooling on time and did it well and had fun so maybe I shouldn't feel so guilty..I can't believe your point number four for sleep; the relaxing jaw. I discovered this recently and thought it maybe was a fluke or just one of my idiosyncrasies. Who knew.Thanks again! (You're funny. That's a compliment.):) Linda
Esther says
Have you been spying on me? Reading my mind? Every day I say I'm going to get out of bed at 6am so I can exercise (Me? Yeah right) and tidy the house before getting ready for work. What time do I actually get up? 7 or 7:30.Good advice. Tomorrow, I'm going to give myself permission to sleep in until 7:30. We'll see how I go.
Laura says
Miss Leila, I am inspired to try your advice!
Keri says
Can I just say I love you? Such good words. The worst is my very own SISTER is one of those up-while-it's-dark-working-out ladies. Oy.
Linda says
Playpens went out of fashion? :OI wouldn't know what to do with mine…. *lol* Here in the Netherlands, everyone who has a baby has one.. I can't even begin to imagine how y'all clean your houses when there's no playpen to keep baby from poisonous liquids ;)Greetings from holland!
Anonymous says
Hello LeilaGreat post. My puppy now lives in the playpen for "time out" and when we are at work.Two pleas, demands, requests, entreaties for further posts….how to look groomed and stay slim – you always look niceyour conversion story (I am being received from the Churhc of England next Easter vigil, God willing).Very kind regardsAnn-Marie
Margo says
LOVE play pens! My 15 month old sometimes fusses when I put him in, but soon is busily playing with small toys. I think he's happy to have a break from all the large motor activity that has him careening around the house.thanks for a great post.oh – and wanted to say that one of my friends has a way to measure child-rearing devices: would it better to use this X or would it be better to appear in the police log for child abuse? ha. It always clarifies my choice for those days when survival is all!
DeAnn says
I wasn't going to comment, but then I read above how much you love them. 🙂 This very subject has been on my mind and heart for so long now. I have read books, asked friends, asked on homeschooling forums, you name it. This is by far the most do-able, sound, non-judgmental advice I have ever heard/read. Thank you…I will be implementing this advice starting tonight and tomorrow morning. If I don't succeed, then I'll try again the next day and I won't feel guilty or like a failure. I'll just keep trying. Thanks and God Bless!
Mab says
Mrs. L, Can't tell you how much I needed that post! =) MB 🙂
Elizabeth Nichols says
Of course, I agree. All summer I've been having this shower debate you describe. Should I do yoga and then shower?…which turns into checking email, reading a bit, eating my bagel, skipping yoga and then realizing that it is nearly dinner time and I still am wearing my pjs. SO. I will shower and make the bed tomorrow as soon as I wake up…which will be…um…earlier than…usual.
Anonymous says
Dearest Leila, I was wondering if you would consider it too personal to do a post on menopause or gynaecological problems, answers, operations, exercises? Maybe you could direct us to helpful information or comment on 'ladies you know' rather than specifically yourself, seeing your family and friends read your blog.This may seem an unusual questioning but you are a font of wisdom in so many areas and as a knowledgeable Titus two woman I thought you may have some insights.(On your past writings certainly they'd be upbeat and delightful to read!) Or maybe some of your readers might have some advice via your comments although many of them seem young.I have commented before but if you don't mind I'll not leave my name this time as it might be too private a topic for you to broach.Much thankfulness and kind regards.
Breanna says
OK, so I am so much more comfortable using the pack n' play with baby #2, which takes care of the 4 month old while I shower, but any suggestions on what to do with the 21 month old who is afraid of the shower and who loves to flush the toilet/burn her mother in the shower? (Otherwise I would just lock her in the bathroom with me?) :)I'll take anything!
Anonymous says
Thank you Leila for your posts. I have been a faithful reader for a long time now and this post is why! Your honesty is refreshing. I don't have much trouble getting up in the morning but I am the stay at home mom that wears less than cute clothes with the tight pony tail everyday. My kids call it my uniform. It's kind of depressing but with 7 kids at home it seems there is very little energy left for me in the day. If I wear something decent it ends up dirty in the 1st 2 hours I am up so I figure why bother? I need to get it together and your posts are inspiring me to do so. Thanks so much. Amy
MIchelle says
This was a very timely post for me. This past week my son and I were supposed to practice getting up and ready to be on time for school which starts in a few weeks. We were late (by like an hour) everyday!! Thanks for the advice! I agree I need to find my "on time".
Anonymous says
Dear Leila, Thank you for your wisdom. The idea of making some things automatic (like a morning shower) is so true. It is just exhausting to worry anew each day about WHEN can one fit that in! I think daily mass is a great starting point and I am going to strive for that. Do you have to drive far? I kind of worry about the expense. I have to travel about 20 miles by car, round trip. Thanks again.
Mary says
Leila, Thank you so much for sharing your "secrets". I am not a morning person at all but have had to become one over time to meet the needs of my family. It was wonderful to be reminded of why I make the choice each day to get up and serve as I am called to do.LOVE the blog and all the wonderful advice. I am in a new season of life with my eldest in college. I have had to re-evaluate some of my homemaking routines which has proven harder than I thought it would be. I am hoping this "lost" feeling will lift soon. Blessings and Grace…
Leila says
You friends are very sweet! I can tell that most of us have the same struggle, except for you other ones who don't — I still love you. It's still hard for me to wake up in the morning, and even when I do, I hate it! Thanks for the playpen affirmation — I agree, Linda — how do we do it?? Crazy.Breanna — I hope by the 15 mo. being "afraid of the shower" you don't mean "afraid to get in the shower" — because I was wracking my brains to remember what I did before I had about four helpers at all times, and I remembered — take the toddler in the shower with you!You can just let her sit on the shower floor — give her a netting louffa that's all sudsy, or some fun bath toy she loves, and see how efficient you can be at getting yourself clean!If this is a no-go, you will have to shower at night while your husband can watch her. Or take a bath. Or a sponge bath. But don't be a prisoner of your baby 🙂 (Although it's happened to the best of us, and the Geneva Convention forget to address the issue :)XOXO MWAH!
Leila says
As for the hormonal side of things, I am a big believer that most of the issues we women face are due to the quickly changing balance of hormones we have to cope with on a daily basis.I encourage everyone to study up on the role of hormones (and hormone mimickers, like soy) in our lives. I have no expertise on the subject (not that that prevents me from telling you just what to do 🙂 — but a good starting point is NaProTechnology, which is leaps and bounds ahead of the Pill-and Prozac-oriented gynecology most of us are exposed to. Here is the link: <a href="http://www.naprotechnology.com/index.htmlhttp://www.naprotechnology.com/index.html<br />Besides hormones, a huge factor in our well being is having enough iron, Vitamin A, and Vitamin D. There's a lot to know about out there!God bless!
Breanna says
My toddler's 22 months– and yes, terrified of getting in the shower. 😛 Getting both of us in the bath together might work. We'll keep working on it and I'll keep showering at night.I did want to (but forgot in my morning-shower lust) second the thing about wearing the cutest clothes that are practical. It's not a luxury to be neat and tidy and feel competent. When I was in school we studied that people who dress more competently actually behave more competently (at least, that's why my professors said we nursing students had to wear matching green uniforms). I try for a collared shirt and perfume, but I think whatever makes you feel feminine and "on the job" works.And if the baby poops on it after 2 hours, well, at least we don't have to do laundry in an iron tub like they used to, and if you only have things that are flattering in your closet, the thing you pull out to replace your first shirt will be just as cute. 😀
Singing Wawa Girl says
THIS BLOG IS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 19 and I ALWAYS have trouble waking up! I love this blog!-Singing Wawa Girl
Anne@Rosydreamer says
So, I know you told me to go away at the beginning of your post, but I just had to read it! The idea of making the decision once instead of every day being a struggle is such a great concept….if it helps, I am a morning person who loves to get up and stare at the wall. So getting going is still an issue!
Kathleen Jaeger says
This is a great post! I loved it so much & felt so encouraged that I sent your link to a group of home school women I know. You've described my morning life quite accurately! I feel very encouraged. One question for you though, how do you incorporate daily exercise into your day? What do you recommend for us non-morning people who want to exercise before that morning shower? (Sometimes causing the morning shower to happen late in the day or not at all (because maybe the exercise never happened?).)The exercise question seems to be a paralyzing factor. Any tips? Thanks. Kathleen Jaeger — homeschool mother of 4 — ages 10, 9, 7 & 3 and wife of one
Dawn says
I DID IT!!!!I commented way up there at space #2. This morning, I set my cell phone alarm for 7:15, knowing full well that I could lie there with complete freedom until 7:30.I got up at 7:28. 🙂 Got dressed…was in the kitchen starting breakfast BEFORE the kids woke up. HOORAY!!!Dawn in SCPS-I, too, am confused about the exercise issue. We don't exercise until after lunch. Guess I'll just put the shower off until then, and wash the face in the morning.
Carrien says
Guess what I found out by accident last week trying this.OK I'll tell you. If I leave off eating early enough in the evening, and don't overeat at dinner, I have to get up when the alarm goes off. I'm too hungry to stay in bed any longer and want my breakfast.
MissMeliss says
i'm so not a morning person… and i'm going to try your techniques. :)especially the change of thinking and the breathing technique.off to bed now!melissa
las23 says
I devoured every one of your words like candy. It spoke to ME!thanks!
Anonymous says
Do you secretly videotape my life?? I seriously was almost crying and laughing at the same time reading this. I am so this. I detest the mornings, showers, sleep late, wear one day old spit up covered t-shirts, and am hopelessly depressed over it all. I keep berating myself for not doing better. Thank you thank you for this post! I am going to try.
Leslie says
oh my! reading your blog is incredible – it is like you KNOW ME! ahh. Well, I’m encouraged to do better!
Emily (Laundry and L says
I agree with Kathleen that trying to fit exercise into the morning can create paralysis…and I'd love to know how to fix that! I shower every other day, and on those days I do shower right away (otherwise the day goes PFFTH!) but I never want to exercise AFTER the shower! 🙂
Emily (Laundry and L says
Auntie Leila, the thing that derails my mornings (even though I KNOW that all things go better if I get up on time) is that I go to bed too late. Because by the time the children are in bed, and the kitchen is cleaned up and all the miscellany taken care of, it is time for bed and I feel like I haven't had a chance to breathe, much less relax and read a book or watch an episode of Castle with my husband! So I stay up late, trying to just "take" that time that I feel like I need, but then the next day is so difficult.
Leila says
Yes, Emily, going to bed on time is the key.Clean up the kitchen right after dinner and "close" it.Get those kids in bed! They can read if they are older. You need your hour of grown up time. You just do.What's done is done. I can see folding the last load of laundry while watching the show, but if you haven't gotten to it by "down time" you just haven't, and that's all there is to it!Tomorrow's another day!
Hanna says
Ok, so I see that this was posted over a year and a half ago. I just linked over here for the first time and have read umpteen posts since the first one on boys (all VERY applicable). Now I'm here, and I just had to laugh. I realize we all have our own 'on time' time, but when I read what everyone was saying about what the actual time was… well, I was shocked! My default waking time is 10 am. My reformed time is 5:30 am. I did not take is slow and easy and gently work my way back to a realistic time for what my life needed (that was not the way of instant gratification, after all). I used the alternative power approach! You know, God supplies the power, I commit to obeying Him! I finally became convicted of my slovenly sleep habits. Mostly because of a couple scriptures (Romans 12:1;Philippians 4:13) and a realization that I was actually telling God that I "needed" my sleep more than I needed to obey Him. Funny how Philippians 4:19 says 'And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.' Sounds a bit different than what I had just said. God was telling me to keep my temple (body) in shape, able to carry out my calling with it, and He was telling me that I could do all things through His strength, and He had been pressing on my heart that I needed to get up early to have time with Him, keep myself in shape and be a pleasant morning mom and wife. I kept arguing with Him that I NEEDED more sleep. He simply answered back with Phil. 4:19 that He would supply all my need. I finally realized that meant that I didn't need all that sleep. He would be my strength when I felt weak, and He would sustain me in the morning. What more joy can there be than beholding the glory of God in the face of Christ as illumined by the Holy Spirit in the Holy Scriptures? And to do that in the quiet of the morning as the sun breaks over the mountains is glorious indeed! He makes my 'on time' possible!Thank you for sharing a Godly wisdom with those of us on our journey. I am most thankful for a Titus II woman in my area who teaches many of us just such things as this, but not nearly as eloquently as you do. Blessings on all of the mature women exhorting the young women to love their husbands, raise their babies and be keepers at home! PS. Amen and Amen to family integrated church and keeping Sunday as the Lord's Day!!
Kristen says
Sorry, I'm very late to the party here, but I've just discovered your blog — and I'm so grateful. I was a bit "older" when I married and became a mother, and it's been humbling to realize how little I knew and how little competence I had for what I had once considered "brainless" work. I also think those of us who were girls in the 70s/80s didn't get much apprenticeship in homemaking from our mothers — I suspect because they were being told that their work wasn't very important, and that hopefully their daughters would successfully escape homemaking and motherhood in the Brave New World to come. (Of course, it may very well be that my mother tried, and I was just too proud and stubborn to be docile to her instruction.) But now I have two little girls, and I fully intend to teach them how to be competent homemakers, along with whatever else the Lord has in store for them. But first I have to learn myself, so thank you, thank you, thank you a million times over for taking all of us under your wings. This issue of early to bed/early to rise is a big one for me (eg. I'm typing this at half-past midnight). I am going to do my best to take your counsel to heart and put it into action. But it left me with a couple of questions, which I humbly request that you might address in future posts, if you feel so inclined:1) In your description of what one needs to have time to do before one's "on time," you didn't mention prayer. That's not a criticism, but I was wondering how/when you found prayer time in the midst of rearing many young children. I know you don't want to describe your interior life on the blog, but I'm not asking for spiritual direction but rather life management advice — how did/do you make it happen?2) Same question, but as applied to time for reading (as in, not out loud to children but silently to yourself) :)Easter blessings to you and yours.
Leila says
Dear Kristen,There are a lot of things, including prayer, that must be fitted into the day. Some things are urgent — like making dinner or getting to appointments. Others are important — like prayer and reading. Nothing happens in an orderly way without a structure and peace of mind! So that's why I emphasize things like getting up at an hour you've determined to be the right one, or having a menu plan. Once those things are settled, then you find that you are able to get to Mass, set aside half an hour for prayer, or have quiet time for reading. You suddenly have so much time!It's a good idea for a post — I'll work on it! Thanks for looking around!
Laura Jeanne says
Auntie Leila,I was re-reading your new post on self control this morning, and I followed the link to this post on getting up on time. I found myself nodding and smiling and wondering how you know exactly what life is like at my house. I have done well (I think) in improving what kind of wife and mother I am, but getting up earlier is definitely something I need to do. Funny thing–just as I finished reading this post, my 3 year old son ran out the front door, following his older sister, who was going out. I couldn't chase after him, even though it was 9:15, because I was still in my pajamas and looking completely unkept. No more! Tonight I am going out to buy an alarm clock with 2 alarms, so that my husband can get up at 6 to go to work and I can set it for 7 for myself. I do have a 4 month old baby, but although I sometimes "need" to sleep in after a night full of nursing, it just isn't worth it for the chaos it creates around here, with 3 older children. I'd rather have a nap in the afternoon. Soon homeschooling will be starting up again too, so I'd better get things under control before then.Thanks as always for the excellent advice!
OrganicMama says
A friend fwded this to me today 😉 Just what I needed! Wow! Such good info, I'm starting tomorrow! I really can't tell you how much I need this! Every morning, I some how manage to convince myself that I don't really need to get up just yet… even though my littles are helping themselves to breakfast (suckers and crackers) and spilling Heaven knows what liquid onto the floor 😉 I love your writing style! You've made a new fan out of me! ~Shannon
Liza says
Also it helps to drink water before bedtime so your full bladder forces you to get up. Takes a while to figure out the right amount though–you don't want to get up too early, after all!
Faye B. Whitesides says
Thus is best advice- shower and get dressed. I'm retired, empty nest, and am thankful for your blog. It's noon- I will shower and dress! Faye
AnneMarie says
I just discovered this article, and I love it!!! Thank you so much for this awesomeness! I feel that it’s really timely for me. I had been a morning person before I got married 2 1/2 years ago. Then, I discovered how nice it is to lie in bed and sleep next to my husband instead of getting up and going about my day! For Lent, I’ve been working much harder to spring out of bed with the alarm to get to Mass (it helps me to spring, not drag myself-though sometimes that’s what happens!), and I’ve found that the days when I wake up before 7, get to Mass, and order my day peacefully are the best days. Unfortunately, this week has been rough and a couple days I haven’t even gotten out of my PJs until noon, so your post is motivating me to get back on track! Thanks!
Clarissa says
Hi Auntie Leila! You know, somehow you really *do* feel like an auntie to me. I’ve been devouring this blog & I cannot possibly accurately express how timely the advice has been – particularly when it comes to mothering & keeping my house in order. I know this is an old series but I have an important question that I haven’t found the answer to anywhere. Forgive me if I’ve just missed it!
I have five lovely kiddos, ranging from 1yo to 9.5yo. The 1yo is freshly 1yo (only daughter) & she is still sleeping with my husband & I, & nursing throughout the night. I prefer to rise quite early, but most of the time, my daughter is only lightly sleeping & nursing quite voraciously at that time of morning. Needless to say, I don’t get up very early, & it drives me nuts because I feel like my household has been running a lot less smoothly than it could if I were on the ball earlier in the mornings. Is this something I simply need to chalk up as a season that will soon pass? Or would you suggest some other work around?
Another little question to piggyback on that. Sometimes, if I do happen to be able to sneak out of my bed early, my early riser (oldest) pops out of his room with enough energy to power a lightbulb & begs to accompany me as I set to my quiet tasks. I honestly prefer that he leaves me alone as I finish waking up (I’m not a talker in the mornings), & I tell him so, but there is a twinge of guilt. Am I overlooking a potential bonding time/formative opportunity by allowing my grumpiness/desire to be alone to win out? I feel like I need that time to collect my thoughts!
Thanks so much!
Leila says
Dear Clarissa, family life is always a process of figuring things out and going through phases. There is no plateau, no time when we feel that we are “there” and things are settled! I can say that with my children mostly grown and lots of quiet around here — still, many little bumps in the road.
There certainly are seasons when not only are we there in the bed with the nursing baby, but it’s such a gift to have the time to give to this stage. Sometimes you can begin to see that there’s another way to swing the schedule. As I said in the post, maybe it’s a matter of 15-minute increments until you are back to an earlier start. Maybe in the next few weeks or so, you will find that your daughter falls back to sleep and you can pop in for a shower, picking her up and nursing her in a different place when she wakes up.
As to your son, well, yes, this too is family life! So much company 🙂 Perhaps he can have some tasks of his own and a chapter book to delve into when he is finished. For instance, it’s a big help to mom if the dishwasher is unloaded before breakfast begins — in fact, not unloading it is a big mistake. A 9 yo is the perfect person to accomplish this task! When a person gets up, he should make his bed, brush his teeth, clean up a bit, get dressed… You get the idea.
In a family, everyone sacrifices for everyone else, and it’s okay to ask for things from each other. You struggle to overcome the desire to be alone in the morning — and he can struggle to give you a little space until you’ve had your coffee. “This is quiet time” is a fine statement!
Mutual sacrifice, that’s how it goes!
Thanks for your kind words!
Nicole Cox says
I needed to reread this for a dose of inspiration. We’ve been struggling with getting out of bed in a timely manner during quarantine. Well, I’ve been struggling to get out of bed since, about, 2013 when my oldest arrived. I’m so glad you mentioned all the things I see as my nemeses: a nursing baby, sloppy messes, to do items looming. Really for me it’s a combination of factors and I’ve come to realize I get mentally “stuck” very easily. So, it’s been 7 years of back to back pregnancies/nursing all through the night/sleep training and getting up multiple times per night. And it’s like now I can’t remember how “pre-baby” me used to do mornings. I need to be more willing to try different things, and experiment, even if I know I’m highly likely to be right back in exhausted pregnancy/newborn phase at any time. (Obviously, I get discouraged with realizing that I’m going to have to keep “starting over” again and again and that’s one thing that keeps me from forming a good habit of getting up early…). You’re so right it’s a mental game. Thanks for being realistic and encouraging!