By the way, I have nothing against threatening per se.
The threat has to be immediate, though. “Do that again and I'll rip your arms off and feed them to you” kind of thing, not “you won't be able to go to the drive-in with your cousins next week.”
The former is the threat of a person in control. The latter is the threat of a lazy weakling who will live to regret her words if she should remember them, which she won't.
I once had to apologize to my neighbor when I realized that she could hear me saying stuff like the former.
One day I heard her pull into her driveway with her kids. It was pretty late and I was aware of the amazingly silent way they shut their car doors, and the low voices with which they said the kinds of things you say to each other as you are going into the house.
Suddenly I became conscious — with that acute consciousness that only comes with a shifting point of view — of just how noisy we all were.
I only hadn't known because she was so quiet and never said anything to her kids above a whisper in her air conditioned house…while our windows were wide open with me yelling juicy stuff at the top of my lungs…
I had to tell her that if she heard me saying anything like “One more word out of you and I'll knock you into next week” (a favorite saying passed down from my grandmother), she wasn't to think that any violence was actually transpiring.
“Oh, no,” she lied. “We never hear anything!”
Now you can understand why I had to move to a house in the country.
Are we all clear? Adapt according to your style and the child's age. Try to use your common sense.
Decadent Housewife says
A neighbour man once commented to me how lovely my boys were. I replied, "I'm sure you hear me tell them that all the time."
Sue says
LOL! Sometimes those things just come rolling off the toungue, don't they? I used to tell my kids, "cut that out, or I'm gonna tan your hide". When they got a little older, and after working up the nerve, one of them asked me to explain what exactly I meant by that. I had to laugh, but they were horrified when I explained it, of course. I think I pretty much stopped saying it after that, but now it's our inside joke.
simple country livin says
LOL! I hear ya! And yes, isn't it hilarious how all these neat words & phrases do just come rolling out of our mouths!!LOL! I can remember quite a few doozies my mother used on my sister & I…and when I would use those exact same words on my own kids they'd look at me as if I were REALLY nuts! LOL! But hey, it worked for me! Guess they call it PASSION! Have a great week!~Leona~
Pippajo says
I learned with my strong-willed oldest child never to bluff by threatening things I was not prepared to carry out right then and there to the fullest degree. So that's gotten to be a habit.My mother had a few gems, one of them being a family favorite that's become a bit of a legend. Poor, little Daria was whining incessantly about Mom packing her lunch. Finally, Mom lost her temper, whirled around from the counter and hissed, "I'm gonna pack your teeth for lunch!" We still quote that to this day.I'll have to ask the kids (and quite possibly my sisters) for some of my own highlights.
*Michigan Momma* says
….this is *SO* the reason we are moving to the country….*big ol' embarrassed sigh*~Lori
Mamalama says
LOL Leila! I've heard those phrases from my husband's mouth more than once, although his favorite is, "Be quiet, or I'll rip your lips off and feed them to you like Gummi Worms!" :DKeeping our eyes peeled for a secluded haven in the middle of nowhere for our boistrous family as well. 😉
Hillary says
Thank you! This is how my mother parented me, and it's how I want to parent — am parenting — my toddler now. My friends with young children all think I'm appalling, having read one too many parenting books on preserving children's self-esteem. (OK, that was a little catty, but you know the ones I'm talking about it.) I live a long way from my folks, so your blog is a nice reminder that I'm not a bad momma.
Briana says
Wow, you have made me feel better. I do try to keep it down and watch what I say but then I have one of those days and weeks of work are thrown out the window.
Catharina de Bononia says
I've got a question for you: How would you handle this situation?Characters: My girls (twins, will-be-three in September, and one baby, 15 months). Me.Usual scene: My girls are usually compliant, well-behaved, obedient. They're fun, and funny, and… well, they're two years old. We like the zoo (favorite question: what sound does the giraffe make?) and the playground (favorite question: can I have a cracker?) and reading books. We don't have the "terrible twos" here. Which isn't to say, of course, that they are perfect–I do employ the "I won't talk to you if you're whining" and the "I don't take orders from you; please try again in a polite way." But they are not fit-pitchers or brats. Anyway, occasionally, I find myself in a situation (as happened today) where I can't decide what the best way is to handle it.Here's the deal: the girls wake up around 7 a.m., having slept (the big girls, at least–they're the focus here) since about 8:45 p.m. the previous night. They all take a mid-day nap from about 1-3:15 p.m. Sometimes, like today, they wake up early for no discernible reason. Today was around 6:15 a.m. On days like this, I know they'll be ready for their nap, and will fall asleep quickly.We had finished lunch, cleaned up, and were getting ready to say our before-nap prayer and sing our song–which we always do, every single day, before nap and again before bed. I asked M to take her shoes off (easy, slip-on, no-hands-required shoes). Her response: "I don't want to."Me: "I didn't ask if you wanted to. I asked you to please take your shoes off."M: wandering around very pointedly NOT taking shoes off.What do I do here? It's so painfully obvious that she's sleepy and it's making her cranky. We are literally one "Hail, Mary" and one "Salve, Regina" away from sleep… do I just give her an obeying-me bye because the reason for her obstinance is so clear, and she's usually such a well-behaved girl? Do I push it, knowing she'll end in tears because she's tired and cranky?Obviously, at some point she's going to have to learn to overcome her own personal discomfort (sleepiness, crankiness, whatever) for limited amounts of time in order to keep the train on the tracks–especially when those tracks are leading STRAIGHT TO THE SOLUTION to the discomfort. But she's not even three years old…Another time this situation happens is (as I'm sure you've guessed) while we're setting the table for supper–hands are washed, plates are dished up, baby's in her high chair, and the big girls are doing their before-dinner chore of helping Mama set the table (napkins, utensils, salt & pepper)… and a girl will appear at the door to the kitchen and then refuse to take the napkin from my hand to walk five feet over to the table and put it at Daddy's place.This is where I get stuck.She's acting like crank because she's hungry. Or tired. This isn't an every-single-day situation–I am usually good about keeping meals on the early side, and before-nap times on the low-key side–but sometimes the Fates just conspire against me and give me one cranky, petulant two-year-old who's acting like she needs a spanking… only, she's usually so good, so well-behaved, so sweet, so compliant, so willing to help out, so willing to sing sweetly and play with her sisters.How would you handle this?
Keri says
LOL – loving the "rip your lips off and feed them to you like gummi worms" from above!As we were loading our moving truck to leave our last place, our neighbor came and told us goodbye and said she always appreciated how kindly I spoke to my children. I mentally snorted and thought, "well, I guess she can't hear through the walls, eh?"
mel says
Oh my! lol…You wrote this a long time ago, but I'm browsing…my husband is horrified all the time by the things the neighbors must hear, like, "Boy, you roll those eyes at me and you are going to be picking them up off the floor!" One of my mom's favorites was, "I'll rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stump!" Isn't that terrible? We all thought it was terribly funny though. I promise, she was not a violent person, and we all made it through childhood with limbs intact….
Karen says
I LOVE this post! A few years ago I lived in California, where houses are routinely built with only eight or so feet between them. One day my husband and I overheard our sweet neighbor ask her husband, "If you're going to yell at the kids, would you mind terribly closing the windows first?" My husband and I still laugh about that to this day, especially since we could still hear everything.
Z Mom says
Thankfully the neighbors to the North are louder than I,and the Neighbors to the South have and empty lot between us…the neighbors to the East are renters so they are not around enough to care too much….Every now and then though I am sure that our neighbor we know twelve houses down can hear us.I am still laughing…..
Meredith in Aus says
Catharina,For a two-year-old, especially under the circumstances outlined above, you don't ask her to take her shoes off. You just say, "It's time to take off your shoes." And then you help her take them off. In HimMeredith in AusMum to 8 (so we've been through this a few times :o) )Leila – this post was HILARIOUS!