My little Advent series so far:
How often does it happen that the prophecy “… and a little child shall lead them” (Isaiah 11:6) proves true?
I’d say any time that a baby arrives. If there is any openness at all to the grace of our nature as parents, we want what is best for our children. The burden of teaching them lies heavy on our hearts.
The Child of Bethlehem leads us. Interestingly, He has taken care, from the beginning of the universe, to order things this way: that our children will lead us, by our love for them, to delve deeper into the hows and whys of our vocation to raise them up as they should go.
There is one piercing fact of life: That God entered Time to dwell among us. What if there was a simple (not easy, necessarily, but simple) way to teach our children (and learn, ourselves, in the process) this fact with all its implications?
Chesterton, who loved Christmas above all, says, “Any agnostic or atheist whose childhood has known a real Christmas has ever afterwards, whether he likes it or not, an association in his mind between two ideas that most of mankind must regard as remote from each other; the idea of a baby and the idea of an unknown strength that sustains the stars.”
John Saward, who wrote thorough theology of Christmas, said this:
“The human birth of the Son of God is at all times alive in the Church's memory, but at certain times it becomes the chief object of her meditation — every year for a season, and at the beginning of a new millennium for twelve months of jubilee.”
(I was thinking the other day about this — who is that guy — and who would like to be that guy — who keeps these things in mind. It's all very well to say “we do such-and-such ‘at the beginning of a new millennium' in that airy way — but it's only happened twice now and I have a hard time remembering the things I have to do every day — “oh, right, make dinner” — let alone every 1000 years. If ever there was proof of the permanence of an institution, this is it, am I right!)
He goes on:
“If the Child born of the Virgin is the Father's Word, through whom all things were made, then the birth of that Child — the Christmas mystery — must indeed have ‘cosmic value,' a truth large enough for an eternity of contemplation… “
We — and our children! — have to get ready for this momentous event, and our worship has to be interior as well as exterior. (The encyclical that beautifully explains these two inseparable aspects of worship is Mediator Dei — why not read it for your prayer sometime?)
Advent is a time of fostering this necessary interiority, in the most delightful way possible, by means of the senses. The delight isn't that of exuberant joy, but its quiet wonder is just as essential to our nature. If we don't express it and experience it at least once a year, we are missing out on what it means to be a human being.
Some want to say that Advent is not a penitential time. The argument goes that it's preparation and it's not Lent. That part is true. However, there are different kinds of fasting! This season of Advent wisely expands on the natural excitement of the child who, looking forward to a wonderful occasion, can't stop to dwell on treats or distractions. When his whole being vibrates with wholehearted anticipation for the desired object, “giving things up” becomes a joy.
We all know that suffering is part of life and our children must gradually learn the right way to suffer. Two times I encountered the wrong approach recently: First, at the doctor's office, where a dreadful kids' show, by means of an ugly ditty, was teaching a message about suffering with sad feelings: Soon they will be over. Second, on a poster in my church's basement, where the children go for religious education. About prayer it said that we can pray that God will remove our sadness.
So this is what we are reduced to! Wait and it will be over. God is a magician who will take bad feelings away.
These are lies, you know.
Instead, Advent teaches us with infinite delicacy and exactly the right emphasis for a child (actual or perhaps that poor one in each of us) that we offer to God our discomforts — out of love for Him.
I really recommend, along with the patience it takes to open each door of the calendar in turn and light each candle as the weeks go by, the custom of using straw to make the manger in the empty creche comfortable for Baby Jesus. You can put straw (aka dried grass) in a basket by the creche. Each straw represents an act of charity that the child does for someone else — something hidden that perhaps he only speaks of to you, his de facto spiritual director. Those sweet conversations you have with him at bedtime or walking along, where you suggest little acts of helpfulness (“You could help your sister with her shoes”) or self denial (“You could do your morning chores without complaining”) will give him the right idea. No need to overdo it. Then he runs to place a straw there… gently learning to offer himself as part of the sacrifice.
I think children feel a lot of compassion for the poor Child who is laid in the cold manger, and that is how they learn to suffer willingly in Advent. Even this Baby suffered, right from the beginning, they soon understand. How could we tell our children this? No, they must just experience it, with great trust and affection in the bosom of the home. We learn too.
Another wrong-headed idea is that somehow, by having our church and homes a bit stark, with few decorations, and by keeping the Christ Child out of the creche until Christmas, we are “making believe” or denying that He was born. This view insists that we should be in a state of perpetual partying therefore. I call this the “oh well” approach to Christmas — “Oh well, this is how the secular world does it, with Christmas carols and a blaze of decorations the day after Thanksgiving and parties. Might as well go along.”
Is that it? Should we capitulate to the secular (and frankly, commercial-driven) spirit of the age? Ultimately, will it help our children?
This view completely destroys not only Advent but also the Christmas season, which lasts until the Baptism of Christ. Way to take out two, not one, liturgical seasons!
I love singing different songs according to the season.* I love the steady crescendo of Christmas decorating and crafting. (Certainly I am not able to produce a completely decorated house and handmade gifts suddenly, on Christmas Eve.) I love getting together with family and friends. All these things are good.
Saward says, “In the liturgy of His Church, the eternal Word incarnate works wonders with the calendar.”
Pius XII (in that encyclical) says, “the liturgical year, devotedly fostered and accompanied by the Church, is not a cold and lifeless representation of the events of the past, or a simple and bare record of a former age. It is rather Christ Himself who is ever living in His Church.”
Our children have to learn according to their nature as human beings that Jesus was born, and who He is.
If we follow the liturgy, we see that (in the antiphons and prayers and hymns, so many of which we have to dig out for ourselves, alas) indeed the Church lets us experience Him in a particular and unique way during Advent. We (and our children, year after year) live through the darkness of the People of God. This is reflected in the darkness of the gathering winter. We live through the hidden gestation of Jesus — in the darkness of Mary's womb. We live through the longing of the Church for His second coming.
Just as a baby takes time to develop in the womb, just as Jesus developed in Mary's womb, so it takes time for us to experience all these truths, some of which are hidden, just as He was hidden. We need each year, every year, to live through it again. It's not make believe, any more than we “make believe” in Lent that Jesus hasn't died on the cross. We are human — this is how we learn.
Here [in the liturgy, continues Pius XII] He continues that journey of immense mercy which He lovingly began in His mortal life, going about doing good, with the design of bringing men to know His mysteries and in a way live by them. These mysteries are ever present and active not in a vague and uncertain way as some modern writers hold, but in the way that Catholic doctrine teaches us. According to the Doctors of the Church, they are shining examples of Christian perfection, as well as sources of divine grace, due to the merit and prayers of Christ; they still influence us because each mystery brings its own special grace for our salvation. Moreover, our holy Mother the Church, while proposing for our contemplation the mysteries of our Redeemer, asks in her prayers for those gifts which would give her children the greatest possible share in the spirit of these mysteries through the merits of Christ. By means of His inspiration and help and through the cooperation of our wills we can receive from Him living vitality as branches do from the tree and members from the head; thus slowly and laboriously we can transform ourselves “unto the measure of the age of the fullness of Christ.”
It's truly a miracle of grace that the Church, in her liturgy, keeps all the truths present to us at all times, simply drawing out emphases when we need them. In addition, she takes into account the cosmos — the external world with its seasons and the movements of the stars, all of which affect us as well. Can we trust this accountability of hers? Can we just live it with her? I hope so, because there is no other way.
We will always be getting it wrong when left on our own.
____________
*Everyone loves Christmas carols (although I think many of the beautiful, moving, and theologically intricate ones have slipped away). Not all are alike — some are fitting to the end of Advent, and some really need to be kept until Christmas Day and beyond. But the real question: Who now remembers all the lovely Advent hymns? (A good hymnal will yield treasures. This post directed you to our suggestions.)
I put to you that if we did things in the right order, our celebration of Christmas would be more joyful, not less, and we would understand more about our faith. And we would enjoy singing the Christmas carols more.
Rachel Nicholson says
I have to say that this “offering up” is a mystery to me. I’ve read what you’ve written in this and other posts and I’ve looked it up and read articles by others. The problem must lie with me. I must have some stumbling block in the way of understanding. Why would God want my sorrows offered up? Wouldn’t He rather have my joy? If it helps, I was not raised in a Christian home and just consider myself a non-denominational girl that loves the idea of a liturgical year and is drawn to the tradition and beauty of the Catholic church.
priest's wife @byzcathwife says
my 2 cents- We offer everything to God- when we offer our joy, we are thanking Him for His gifts and ‘admitting’ that all good comes from God. When we have sorrow and hardship and annoyances however small, we offer them as a sacrifice to God. We try to be like Jesus in everything we do. As Jesus died on the cross, He prayed to God the Father and offered His sacrifice for the life of the world. So we try to do this as well. St Theresa the little flower said to ‘pick up a pin for the love of God’- sanctifying and ‘offering up’ the mundane.
Lauren says
I’m a convert myself and just recently this year have started to understand the whole “offering up” thing. It took me a while! Reading St. Therese’s “A Story of a Soul” helped me a lot. Basically, we all endure suffering. We live in a fallen world. We WILL suffer. When we do endure suffering we have two choices- we can be upset (angry, depressed, etc) and let it bring us down and be resentful- OR, we can be positive about it. We can think of Jesus’ suffering and think to ourselves “Even Jesus suffered for us- why should I suffer less than He did?” Or think positively about how it’s a chance to grow in virtue and how God uses suffering to bring us closer to Him.
A prime example is I had to stop reading this very blog because my 6 year old had a melt down this morning. It lasted nearly two hours of bawling his eyes out, screaming, crying, and throwing things at people and trying to hurt us all. Now, I have been struggling with anger issues my whole life since I come from an abusive home. I’ve really been praying hard for God to help me with patience and self control. I took this melt-down tantrum as an opportunity to grow in virtue. I remained calm and didn’t let things get the best of me. I thank God He gave me the opportunity to grow in virtue and set a good example to my kids of not being tempted to sin even in tough times.
I was also reading the Bible last night- Old Testament- and it was talking a lot about burnt offerings and sacrifices that were customary for the time. It drew together for me how we still make offerings to God- with our suffering. I’ve also gotten to the point where I am more open to welcoming suffering. My husband and I often do this thing where- if one of us is sick or hurting we ask God to give us some of the pain to help each other out. It’s the same concept- being willing to suffer is an act of love to God. Laying down our lives, so to speak.
I would also say that there is tremendous peace and joy IN suffering, and not that joy and suffering *have* to be separate. There is a big difference between “pleasure” and joy or love. Love isn’t just about feeling good. It’s an act and self-sacrifice. And with love you find joy. Jesus could have felt love for us all day long- but he had to act-love- by dying on the Cross for us.
Not sure if that helps, but those are my thoughts.
Theresa says
Please allow me to thank you for your candid sharing– your post is an absolutely honest look at our own selves, yet, without stumbling, you have added a beautiful commitment to Our Lord as shown in your faith practices — both interiorly… and as witnessed by your husband and young child. I could certainly face a similar situation this weekend-albeit not to the degree you have suffered – and you will inspire me to “keep on truckin”…!! I too will beg Our Lord for His same mercy. You are inspiring!!! May you have a beautiful advent — I thank you sincerely….
Lauren says
Glad it was helpful!
Leila says
Rachel, to add to the comments here about “offering up” and to try to answer your question, yes, God wants our joy. He wants *all* of us.
Offering up isn’t even “positive thinking.” It’s simply imitating our Lord Jesus Christ as he suffered on the cross. He drained the cup to the dregs for the sake of “the others.”
Just follow Him, as you say, through the liturgical year (which means through his whole life) and do what He does.
Amanda says
Thank you. I find that I can, at least partially, handle the restraint needed to observe Advent rather than jump into a celebration of Christmas. My difficulty lies in celebrating Christmas after everyone around me is all done.
I’ve tried to begin the Christmas celebrations for our family on Christmas in years past, but we can only seem to “make it” to the 27th or so. My husband has to go back to work after a couple days, and my oldest has to go back to school, and the neighborhood takes down their Christmas lights, and my (not Catholic) church takes down it’s decorations, and the relatives go home, and I’m surrounded by New Year enthusiasm and everything that I can’t totally block out. It always ends up feeling very forced, like I’m trying to fake something in our house. Do you have wisdom or help for this?
priest's wife @byzcathwife says
How about an Epiphany gathering the second Sunday after Christmas? Invite a few families- it isn’t forced- it is the right thing.
Lisa G. says
You shouldn’t force yourself – you should go as far as you can with it. If you are praying to God, every day, in the hope that He’ll guide you in the right direction in everything, then you will most likely see yourself each year being able to go a little farther with it. as your understanding of these things deepens. And as your understanding grows, your ability to go against the prevailing ways will also increase – that’s another thing God helps us with – not caring or minding so much what others think. That’s how He is able to make changes in society.
Leila says
Amanda, I know what you mean about not knowing how exactly to celebrate the days of Christmas. And certainly, not each of the days has the same feel as the others. Some are lower-key, as maybe Dad has to go back to work and even often towards the end sometimes schools starts back up.
I have lots of thoughts about the 12 days, but let me leave you with this one example. Have you thought about how New Year’s Eve, for instance, is one of the days? If we have a fun celebration — either a party or a family Chinese dinner and movie — what about calling it New Year’s Eve, the 7th Day of Christmas, and making singing Christmas carols — for instance, the less well known ones — part of it?
New Year’s Day is a Holy Day. Making the 8th day of Christmas a beautiful commemoration of the motherhood of God, with a nice family dinner after Mass with a few friends…
Moving the 3 Kings a little closer to the manger each day…
Keep a little outline of what to do on each day, like a skating party or a bonfire or a museum visit or opening that one box of candy that was truly overkill on Christmas Day itself — all things that you might normally do during the “winter vacation.” Somehow making them one of the days adds to the celebration.
Just try gently to incorporate some little ideas. The day after the Epiphany you can take the decorations down if you like.
Nancy says
Wonderful article! Our St. Greg’s Pocket recently discussed ideas on living Advent amidst neighborhood Christmas decor, parties, etc. I believe that praying the Liturgy of the Hours and living closely to our liturgical calendar helps in preparation for a joyous Christmastide.
Elizabeth says
Have you seen the Lumen Christi hymnal? Another beautiful option.
Thanks for this post. Wonderful.
Lindsey G says
Thank you for your thoughts on this! I’ve been thinking a lot about the necessity of longing to our spiritual lives. We are, bit by bit, building a library and playlist of Advent music. I smiled at my 5 year old the other day when she said, “Mom, remember how you make us wait till Christmas before we sing Christmas music?” (Which is sort of true! I like to ease into it as it seems fitting over Advent.) I was happy that she was getting it, and happy that Advent is such a rich season to explore and enjoy as a family together.
Perhaps some might be interested in this Advent devotional: http://redlettersblog.blogspot.ca/p/abrahams-advent-devotional.html
Happy Thanksgiving to those south of my border. 🙂
Jennifer says
Any suggestions on how/where to gather the supplies for the manger. The one in our nativity scene seems much too small.
Leila says
Jennifer, did you click on the linked post, in which I talk a bit about how we do this?
Basically, you can go outside and pick some dried grass! If you want, you can get some straw from the farm supply store (but you do not need a bale!!) or from a crafts’ store (which is where my current supply comes from, as we had some craft we were doing with that kind of very bright straw).
If your manger is tiny and/or baby Jesus is stuck to it (this is the case with ours), just have the children put the straw on the floor of the creche where the manger will go on Christmas morning. (Hide the infant — stuck to his manger — in your china cabinet or other safe place during Advent.)
If the floor is covered with straw, Jesus will be a lot warmer and more comfy 🙂
Jennifer says
Thank you for your helpful reply and pointing out the link I missed to me! I also am a city girl and figured I was over thinking this whole thing!
Janet says
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Jesus-Wooden-Manger-Natural/dp/B014Q31B2C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1448807450&sr=8-1&keywords=manger+removable+jesus
I just searched Amazon with the terms “manger removable Jesus” and came up with many:
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Jesus-Wooden-Manger-Natural/dp/B014Q31B2C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1448807450&sr=8-1&keywords=manger+removable+jesus
http://www.amazon.com/Tales-of-Glory-Nativity-Playset/dp/B000U66YBI/ref=pd_sim_sbs_201_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=41wPhgapMuL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=1QGQAQ68ZK3M939
JHA7D
http://www.amazon.com/Large-Fabric-Christmas-Nativity-Pieces/dp/B0055OLZ28/ref=pd_sim_sbs_201_8?ie=UTF8&dpID=51zd2yGPkQL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=1QGQAQ68ZK3M939JHA7D
MT says
A very nice post. Beautiful, really. I’m currently struggling with feelings of general mothering failure, especially in the homeschooling department. I suppose if all I manage to do is teach my littles about the Advent season, I’ve done my job for the time being. Thank you.