When our kids were young, Phil and I would pray and talk about the coming Lent with each other; then we would take the Sunday before Ash Wednesday to discuss over dinner what the coming season would bring for all of us — a real and lively conversation, not any kind of management meeting or programmed affair. I loved seeing the excitement of all the children, big and little, as we chatted about what we should give up as a family, and prayers we'd undertake, and personal penances that each one would try to live up to (of course, the older ones would keep those things private, but a general discussion was helpful).
This is me posting in time for you to do this too! (After I said yesterday that I like to take my time and not deluge you with info, this post is the deluge!! Take your time… )
We parents really are the spiritual directors of our children. The Liturgical Year gives us the guidance we need to fulfill this role; each season brings its flavor and reminders and grace to begin again.
I thought I'd round up some of the suggestions and helps we've had here on the blog over the years so that you would have them in one place.
As always, be calm and keep things simple! Live your Lent. Liturgical living is more than food and activities. Those things find their place in the overall rhythm of life lived in union with the Church. Most importantly, listen to and pray along with the Church in the Liturgy as she graciously leads us.
For all my posts over the years of the hows and whys, little by little, go to the end here, and you will find them linked. There are what I like to think of as helpful thoughts on all sorts of things, including a document for printing out your (and your kids') own private “Lenten Rule” — a traditional little note between oneself and God as to what we are going to aim for.
Start a St. Gregory's Pocket if you haven't already, or revive one you've started! A Pocket is more than a book club, and it's building the culture for your children — for the years ahead, not just for yourself now. Instead of dreaming, just get your Pocket going!
Lent is a great time to read something substantial, alone, with friends as you get to know them, or solidify the friendships you already have — either a woman's or men's group, or a couples' group. I am not going to be able to do a guided reading this year as I have in years past, due to the babies that are shortly going to be raining down on me, but hey! the ones I did are still there, plus I have other suggestions for you:
- How do we live liturgically? Maybe now is a good time to read the book — the book that we wish we had had when we were beginning, but which we wrote for you: The Little Oratory: A Beginner's Guide to Praying in the Home. This book will help you establish a prayer life in the home, and Lent is the perfect time to start.
- The Meaning and Vocation of Woman — John Paul II's letter on womanhood.
- Casti Connubii — and I collected and edited these posts on the encyclical by Pius XI written in answer to the problems of divorce and contraception into an ebook for you called God Has No Grandchildren — very reasonably priced and accessible. I haven't had the chance to figure out the hard copy version, but really, it's not a long book and maybe having it on your device would be fine.
- The Spirit of the Liturgy by Romano Guardini — a guided reading of this short volume (available online, so you can get right to it!) on the burning question of what liturgy is.
- The Spirit of the Liturgy by Joseph Ratzinger — a guided reading of the longer book written to expand on Guardini's work and to delve more deeply into the history and form of the liturgy.
- My friend Therese highly recommends Scott Hahn's The Bible and the Sacraments. You can stream the lessons for free and include friends.
- A perfect read with interested friends would be The Way of Beauty by David Clayton, which raises and then answers questions of what beauty is and how every institution, from the home to the city, needs objective harmony, clarity, and unity to be fit for man. While doing an excellent job of explaining the philosophy of beauty, David also gives practical explanations that you may never have considered.
- For fiction to read, this post has my recommendations.
{The Amazon links here are affiliate links — thanks for shopping with us!}
As promised above, this post from a couple of years ago has a round-up of my Lenten thoughts over time, which I'm reposting here because it has all the good links (I think all!):
Live your Lent. Especially with the children — don’t “do Lenten activities.” Sometimes a coloring page helps them focus or gives you a chance to explain something, but put your trust in the actual living of this season together: Giving alms, doing penance, listening to the readings, and praying. In union with the whole Church we will be in good company!
Why Lent?
Quick – Make your Hot Cross Buns! You can mix them up before supper tonight, finish them after, put them in the dish, and bake them in the morning. The icing will melt a bit but hey.
You don’t have to have activities. Just live your own journey along with the Church and bring the children along.
“My Lenten Rule.” (A way of recording for yourself what you are trying to do this Lent. Wonderful for children as well.)
*Edited to add the excellent Lenten Calendar from Pondered In My Heart for 2017. I will be printing them out for Pippo and Molly. I love how this calendar is accessible and beautiful.
Wondering what you can give up? Here’s a gentle suggestion.
What if my children are older? What if it all seems awkward??
Fasting — do I starve the kids? (No.) (This post has the gingerbread recipe — ginger BREAD, not cake 🙂 These Lenten “Cookies” satisfy with dates and honey — not processed sugar.
Yesterday’s post about Lenten Suppers with Soup, including Sukie's excellent Kale Soup. Great comments with more ideas! Don't forget Rosie's amazing Cauliflower Soup and also my Butternut Squash Soup, which includes the ultimate directions for the pesky problem of how to deal with a hard squash (and it's easy and results in the best squash ever).
Praying the Stations of the Cross with the kids, and other devotions, explained.
What do you mean by “offering up” my sufferings?
Stations of the Cross work.
My “Lenten work for children” Pinterest Board.
My “Living the Liturgical Year” Pinterest Board.
And my book, The Little Oratory, which explains what living the Liturgical year is all about.
Start your own Little Oratory this Lent!
Lent is a great time to “begin again” with a real prayer life in the home. You can start tomorrow with a candle and a crucifix and add things as you find out more about them. When you figure it out, link a photo on our “Your Little Oratory” page and let me know that you did so we can all visit!
Jennifer says
Dear Leila,
I have studied your posts for years. Originally I found LMLD when I was homeschooling and found lots of sound wisdom here. It was also here that I have been introduced to the Catholic faith. The real Catholic faith. Not what non Catholics taught me about the Catholic faith. Because of you, I am seeking. I went to Mass for the first time ever this week. Anyways, I’m sort of taking it slow. My husband is very active in our Baptist church. We were both raised Baptist and have been raising our children Baptist. I feel torn. Actually, I feel afraid that my family will fall apart if we go to different churches. Just asking for prayer as I try to live this Lent the best I can. Thank you,
Jennifer
Dixie says
Jennifer, it’s okay to take it slow. Keep praying and keep attending Mass. The journey may seem impossible, but God will lead you, and your family, too! You can trust Him!
Have you ever read the conversion stories of Scott and Kimberly Hahn? They were a married couple with children, deeply involved in their Protestant faith, who came to Catholicism at different times and in part through each other. Try Googling them.
God bless you! I will pray for you and your family!
Jenny says
Jennifer, I’m a convert. I was slow to get there myself. What Dixie said is good advice. It is good to take things slowly and gently, especially in regard to your husband. Also, and I know you may not be ready for this, and forgive me if it is too much too soon or if I seem like a busybody sticking her nose in, but I would highly recommend asking the Blessed Virgin Mary to pray for you. I went through a spell of intense doubt about the Catholic Church and a true fear of it before committing to RCIA. I went to Our Lady as a child would his own mother, with tears in my eyes and pain in my heart, and I begged her to pray for me that I would know in which direction to go.
Also, as a former Presbyterian, I have no problem attending services with my extended family Protestants. My Presbyterian family taught me about Jesus and showed His love to me every day of my life. Catholicism is the fullness of truth, but even the Protestant churches have some truth.
Gosh, I hope nothing I’ve said has offended you or anyone else reading this. I just have a special place in my heart for converts and seekers. God bless you and your family. You will be in my prayers.
Sharyn says
Just thinking to add, maybe you might like this lovely little prayer: ‘Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in Thee’. Say it often and with confidence. You are God’s beloved! Trust in Him! Go to Our Lady! Pray the Rosary! 🙂
Leila says
Dear Jennifer, thank you for reading! We pray for you on your journey.
Don’t worry — follow the Lord Jesus where He leads you and put all your cares in His hands. You will see, when you only take the step that is in front of you, every step will be put under your feet at the right moment.
God only wants what is good for us — only the good. Trust and all will be well.
God bless!
Jennifer says
Thank you, Ladies! I appreciate your sweet encouragement. I am especially thankful for your prayers. This is a lonely path for me – following this longing of my heart- because I do not know any Catholics near me. I do wish I had some woman to take me under her wing or at least hold my hand. Thank you again.
Taking the step in front of me…
Jennifer
Lisa G. says
It’s so nice, every year, that you can be counted on to say a little something of encouragement about Lent, Leila. Thank you! xoxo
Caitlin L says
Leila, I really appreciate the post on “offering up” my sufferings. I reread it all the time and meditate on the idea when my children are stressing me out. I’m very emotional at the moment being postpartum and going through a very needy phase with my toddler. Bit it’s a beautiful idea and I feel like I am slowly internalizing it. What I really want to know is whether there is a certain little prayer you say *in that moment* to offer up your trial? I’ve been saying, “Lord please accept my (anxiety/frustration/etc) on behalf of X,” but it feels a bit awkward. Thank you.
Mandy says
Caitlin,
Your words really resonate with me because I, too, am postpartum with a new baby, and I also have a toddler going through a highly needy/clingy phase. I find myself trying to tap into this concept of offering it up, but I have been so slow to truly make it a part of my response to stress and suffering. I struggle with what to “say”/how to say it without feeling like it’s very stilted or just not sincere.
This past week I was doing some reading on the apparitions at Fatima, in honor of their 100th anniversary this year, and there was this prayer given to the children by the angel:
“O, Jesus, this is for love of Thee, for the conversion of sinners, and in reparation for the offences committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary.”
He told them to say it often, especially while making a sacrifice.
I’m trying to memorize it so that I can start praying this prayer every time I feel anxious, frustrated, angry, etc.
I’ll say a prayer for you, too. Hang in there!
Sharyn says
Just occurred to me that I didn’t really answer your question. Mandy gave a lovely prayer! Listen to her and ignore me 😉 Post partum here too!
Leila says
Caitlin — sometimes you don’t even have to use words! Just look at Him and let him know! All for you, Jesus! He knows what you mean. Just like when one of your children gives you a certain look — you know what they mean.
Dixie says
Do you ever write your intentions down? I keep a list in my notebook, and then at the beginning of the day I make a blanket offering (“Oh my Jesus, I offer You all my works, joys, and sufferings of this day, in union with Your most Sacred Heart, that You may do good with them, and for all my intentions,” sometimes adding “especially for…” if there’s something big going on). So then I’m covered — no suffering in the day will go to waste! And then if I am trying to remember about offering something up in the moment, something as simple as “Here, Jesus” or even “for so-and-so, Jesus” is fine. The Lord already knows what I’m trying so imperfectly to do.
This also helps me because it makes sure that I am actually praying for all the people I have promised to pray for. Without that list and without offering the day for all my intentions together, I usually only remember to pray for someone once or twice after promising, if that. And this also helps me protect against any tendency toward scrupulosity (I promised to pray for so and so! Have I done it enough? Do I have to pray forever? When does it stop? Is it sinful if I forget?).
CaitlinL says
Thank you all so very much for the responses! Love from the trenches of motherhood over here! I will pray for you all.
If we have to suffer, this is not a terrible way to do it 😉
Meg says
Is this your post for all of Lent? Your post seems to imply that I should hurry up and make my hot cross buns today, Ash Wednesday, so we did, my six littles and me. The kids and I ate one each for a simple lunch, but started reading about their history, and I guess we jumped the gun? I guess they were eaten on Good Friday? (I added potato water, used 1/2 the yeast, and rested before kneading – learning everyday!) Turned out great!
Leila says
Meg, I think the eating of hot cross buns varies by region — here in New England, we eat them on Ash Wednesday AND on Good Friday!
It’s just a custom, so you do what you like. To us, hot cross buns mean the start and end of Lent.
Meg says
Thanks! Good to know. I did not know that. We are going to make pretzels later in Lent too. Love those little hands rolling out dough!
Laura says
Hello Leila! I too was raised Protestant (mostly baptist) and while I am seeing elements of wisdom in some elements that seem more “Catholic”, like confession, and what generally seems like a more structured environment for learning to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit rather than the pull of the flesh, there is much about Catholicism that confuses me. The focus on Mary is strange to me. Nowhere in Scripture am I aware of any instruction to maker her nearly equal to God, or that she herself was immaculately conceived, or that she remained a virgin after her marriage. I am also confused about the saints. While there are many heroes of the faith to look up to, emulate, and be convicted and inspired by, why does the perspective of many Catholics seem to almost be reverence or worship? I was reading the Confessions of St. Augustine (have been, actually) and he was certainly just a carnal man much of his life… and I’m sure wouldn’t want the “reverence” of man, but would point to his change and faith as a work of God in his life.
Many of your posts challenge me, direct me, inform me in a deeper, more philosophical way than a lot of the Protestant counterparts (your take on the Moral Life of Children, for example, compared with a lot of Protestant written parenting books). Your perspective of Lent seems more fluid, real, and honestly approaching the idea of deprivation with more of a heart of seeking change through the Holy Spirit rather than being driven by the flesh, which resonates with me. There are just many many things about the Catholic church that I am confused by, and some of its history is very troubling (though protestants have their moments too, I’ll admit!). I also want to learn more about the liturgical calendar, which is totally lost in most Protestantism, but seems like it has a lot of merit… Can you direct me? I do not mean to sound condescending, but most Catholics that I know seem to know very little about the faith they attach themselves to… Many don’t know why they are doing certain things or what significance they have, and seem to want to trust the different things they do as a means to salvation, (all while not understanding them!) I am in PA, and have wondered, is there a regional difference with where you are in New England? I used to live in NH and if I remember correctly, my mom seemed to sense a big difference in the Catholics she knew up there. Is there a good book I could read to start with?
Leila says
Dear Laura,
You have so many questions, and I really encourage you simply to read about them in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (you can get it at the library, buy it here: http://amzn.to/2mVrbwD or read it online here: http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/ccc_toc.htm
or here:
http://ccc.usccb.org/flipbooks/catechism/index.html
in a sort of awesome “virtual book” form.
I or another reader could give you detailed answers to your questions, but it would be better for you to read the answers in the catechism, which gives all the necessary references.
As to the Virgin Mary, know that the Church teaches that we worship God alone, and that there are two types of reverence due to creatures: one elevated reverence for Jesus’ mother alone, and another reverence for the saints and angels.
I encourage you to ponder Luke 1: 41-55, especially “all generations will call me blessed”.
But most of all, do read about Mary and the saints in the Catechism. Truly, if you think about it, beauty and holiness are the only ways we can know God here on earth and draw near Him.
The Catechism is the “good book” I would propose in answer to your last question!
God bless!