It's now been 44 years since abortion was made legal in our country.
Since writing the piece I'm reposting below, I've written a small book that attempts to unfold the Christian vision of marriage, so convinced am I that the remedy for the great pain and evil we are suffering as a nation is this sacred covenant given by God, on which all society is based, for the very sake of the child. It's God's plan. There is no other plan.
The book is called God Has No Grandchildren (now in its 2nd edition and available in hard- and soft-cover. It will explain thoroughly what I can only hint at here. (If you have read and enjoyed it, would you consider leaving even a short review on Amazon so that others can find it more easily? Thank you! These are affiliate links.)
Rededicate yourself to God's plan of marriage in whatever way you can. That is the key. If your marriage is intact, give thanks to God. If your marriage is broken, know that your respect for the bond in its breach is a tremendous witness.
Don't lose heart, and don't be surprised when the remedy for what is overwhelming, huge, and evil is what is small, humble, and good.
My post from January 22, 2013:
Today is a sad day.
It's hard for me to believe that it's been forty years since the Supreme Court of the United States made abortion legal.
I ask you to think of one thing on this day when we unite in offering to God our sorrow for this terrible reality of babies taken from their mothers' wombs.
Abortion is the result of forgetting that God had a plan for man and woman.
It's not a terrible evil that befalls the child randomly.
Rather, abortion on the scale that we witness today in America is the logical consequence of forgetting that a baby is meant to be the expression of love between a man and a woman who have pledged themselves to unity.
Marriage is the solution to abortion.
Of course, we will always have abortion and all the other ills of our human nature with us. We will always have to fight this fight. With the sheer numbers of babies being killed, it's very good to march on Washington. It's good to fight for just laws. It's very good to try to give witness at an abortion clinic and pray there.
We have to rescue babies.
Rescuing babies is pulling them out of the stream of death as they come by, at great risk to ourselves. It's reaching out to their mothers who are being sucked under by the maelstrom.
And then some of us must climb upriver to see who or what is throwing them in at the top.
If we want to solve the problem of abortion as a way of life, which is what we have today in our country, we must think of how the babies and their sad mothers are being thrown into the river of death.
Then we must acknowledge and proclaim that a baby is safest when it's born to a mother and a father who have promised before God and man that they will form a family.
Marriage doesn't just happen, and isn't one option among many. It's an institution that requires great commitment from every person in society, for the simple reason (among many complex ones) that when families are formed through marriage, the weak are given their best chance at being protected.
Today, possibly the greatest act of love for the unborn that you could make is striving your utmost to heal and promote and maintain and provide for and respect marriage.
Know that your own marriage is a good for the whole community. Every person you know — and many you will never see — benefits from your fidelity, your struggle, your resolve to love and honor your spouse. Your sufferings are a fitting incense rising to God — they are not in vain.
When you appreciate your husband as the protector and provider of this safe haven for you and your children, you help the unborn.
When he loves and protects you and your children, he offers society a church in miniature — a sanctuary — and babies everywhere are safer.
Know that when you raise your children to love and respect marriage by treating their own bodies as a temple of the Holy Spirit, you are fighting abortion with all your might. Every watchful, protective moment you spend guarding your children's purity is a blow against the scourge of abortion.
When you teach your children to internalize the reality that they have a precious gift to give to someone, a gift that, in its turn, will enrich the whole community and the whole world, you do something noble for the fight for the unborn.
When you protect your young children from hearing about offenses against purity and witnessing acts and sights that can only disturb them, you strengthen the fight against abortion.
Know that when you help friends thinking of divorce, showing them that their unity means the world to you — or when you speak to a young woman of respect for her body or to a young man of respect for women, you turn the tide against the violence done to the smallest infant in the womb.
When you show that you believe a child is safest with a mother and a father in a family, and meant by God to be there, you work for the unborn.
Every person can love and respect marriage, God's plan, by his acts. Be convinced that marriage will heal society, and then act accordingly.
amy says
I love your website. I have read it for years. I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school until highschool. I have 7 children. I am not going to lie and say the priest scandal did not hinder my faith in the Catholic church because it has, not in God but in the church. We go to a Christian church now that has a very active youth group but I miss mass a lot. I do not believe in abortion for any kind of birth control and even when people try and rationalize it for rape cases I see it not as the babies fault and have much sympathy for the victim but feel the baby could be adopted. I know carrying that child would be so difficult for that mother but murdering that child is not right. Where I am on the fence is in medical cases. If the baby is dying in womb, if the mother is dying, if both are dying, should the government determine the outcome of that? I am not sure? I do believe every life counts but if a very severly sick or disabled baby is forced to be born to a very poor mother who has no means to take care of it, then what? I am not saying their life does not count. It does. But everyone who is pro life must be prepared to accept to up their taxes a lot to pay for social services and medicare to properly take care of these very sick children. I am not saying one way or the other. I am just saying this is never discussed. Their lives will and do matter. But something will have to be done. I love your answer that marriage will be the answer. Theoretically it would be. But if Roe v Wade was overturned tomorrow I don’t think everyone would get married. And even if everyone was married, not all couples could probably afford to pay for all the medical bills they would have to have. I am NOT for abortion. I just feel like if we want EVERY baby to be born then we have to be prepared as a society to help take care of every baby. I know people will say ” Take care of you own kids. I do” I don’t think that is the Christian way either is it? This is why I bring this up.
Leila says
Dear Amy,
I’m sorry that you have left the Church and hope you find your way back soon.
You are right to state that there is a principle: It is not ever right to take an innocent life. Just stick to that principle and you will find that there is a way.
To take your points in order:
It’s never — NEVER — necessary to deliberately kill a baby in the womb to save the life of the mother, and it would be counterproductive. Numerous obstetricians have testified to this fact. A doctor is bound to try to save both. The fact is that if a baby needed to be taken out of the mother immediately, abortion would be the medically incorrect approach, because to kill the baby *takes too much time*!
To abort the child requires inserting the laminaria in the cervix and waiting, sometimes for days! How would that help? No, what is sometimes (but rarely) required is an emergency C-section. In that case, obviously the baby can be treated as well. There is no need to kill the baby — I think that becomes immediately obvious.
No, “save them both.”
If the baby is dying, try to save it or if that is not possible, accept its death when it comes. Where is the logic of killing a person because he will die? All you do is, well, kill him (which kills the soul of the person committing the act) and traumatize the parents.
My point about marriage is that only families can help those in need. For that matter only families can produce a government that can provide a safety net! I explain this in my book (linked in the post) — Catholic social teaching informs us that society is in fact made up of families.
So it’s not that I’m expecting everyone in a crisis to suddenly get married; I’m just saying that we will continue to have crises — and only crises — unless we stop and shore up the stability. Which is marriage. Only married people can provide role models for young people making decisions. All these women getting into trouble are someone’s daughter, you know? All the men impregnating vulnerable or heedless women are someone’s son.
Communities can help the poor in difficult situations and babies who need care — IF there is the extra energy and stability that comes from intact families. But if everyone is making their own reality and pursuing their own selfish desires, then there is no one left to help anyone else. Not even the government — which, remember, is nothing more than the expression of the community at large — can rescue everyone.
There have always been women in difficult situations and babies who need more than just the family. But today we have an epidemic. Could it be — COULD IT BE — that we have almost destroyed the one institution that actually prevents this sort of chaos?
I happen to think so.
Jamie says
I, too, have read your blog for years and commented every so often. There is so much wisdom in your words and in your life experience. Not being Catholic, but Protestant, some Theology I do not agree with. However, both of us are Christians and that works for me. You have given me redirection and sometimes conviction and very often ” ah ha” moments. We are all so faulty and human and icky. Marriage is the answer. Can’t tell you in the comment section how “Marriage is the Plan” speaks to me and my family at this particular time. Just know that it does. And that what you have said these many years has blessed me and my family so very richly. Thank you, God, for Leila. Thank you for having me stumble across her website years ago. Please continue to richly bless her and her family. Give her the strength to be the woman that she is for as long as you ordain for she is truly an encouragement in this faulty world in which we live. Amen.
Leila says
Jamie, thank you for your kind words and for your prayer. I am praying for you too! God bless you!
Katie says
This is a beautiful post. Might I add, volunteer to reach out to young people- through religious education, a youth group, a mentoring organization that targets high school or middle school (and encourage your husbands, boyfriends, adult single children to do the same). Bear witness to young people who have not had the privilege of a stable family or two parents who love one another and work to reestablish a hope in marriage.
Anel says
There are so many divorced people in my immediate family. Never has there been a time when prayer for marriage was more desperately needed. Such a challenge to encourage when it all seems ‘unnecessary’ to some. Thanks Leila
Rozy says
We in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe much the same. Have you read this? https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng
Thank you for continually standing up for truth and God’s laws. We may be different religions but we share the same heartfelt love for the sacredness of family and the blessing of having children.
Shawna says
I would just love to get my hands on your book, but I’m in Canada and it is not yet available to us at Amazon.ca…..unless I’m missing something which could very well be the case for my non-techie self! Praying for our broken world and broken marriages.
Stephanie in Germany says
why not just order from amazon.com kindle. I do. and I live in Germany.
BridgetAnn says
Yes. We have a couple organizations in our area- in addition to a very strong pro-life organization that works on changing laws, promotes sidewalk counseling and aids women in crisis with very specific & material needs- that focus on spreading the message of chastity and human dignity.
It was a revelation to me when I learned that evil is not a “something”-equal but opposite to the good- but a privation, a lack of goodness. Goodness the only one of the two having being and evil a lack of being. How else are we to defeat evil in the world but by focusing our efforts on living according to and promoting that which is good? In this case, as you so wisely stated, marriage.
Kelly says
Hi. Leila –
Just to keep this short – because I could go on and on about your wonderful blog – and not just today’s post, but ALL of them, all through the years –
I have not used Kindle and am wondering if you have made this newest book available via Createspace on Amazon as a hard copy. It appears – when investigating the possibility of making a hard copy as a purchaser – that the author is the person to make such arrangements for hard copy publication. Am I missing something or may I encourage you to make “God Has No Grandchildren” available in hard copy? I have no idea of the financial investment or committment on your part to do so, but I would imagine I am not the only fan of yours hoping to get our “hands on” a paper copy!
Leila says
Kelly, thank you for the information. I will admit that I did not look into it. I will try to do so! You are very kind to mention it!
Kimberlee says
I had thought of suggesting the same thing, but then at some point I thought you sounded like a hard copy edition was already in the works. Create Space is very easy to work with, and little to no financial investment is needed (just possibly purchasing an ISBN). Formatting the book is the hardest part, and if you’ve already done that for the e-book it should be very simple indeed.
Linda M says
I, too, would love a paper copy! Thanks for considering it and thanks for your words of wisdom!
Ann says
I recently downloaded your book and am thoroughly enjoying it. Thank you so much for writing about such a pressing issue in our Catholic faith and our culture. This formation is what is so sorely lacking in our homes and Catholic education.
Mary says
Thank you for your truth today. I needed it. I worry about the influences of the world as it is on my children, but my husband and I try live as we say, as the Church teaches. I pray for my children’s faith to remain a constant. I have a teenaged daughter who questions everything. Is this nature just a phase? Will she come through better and stronger? I don’t really question things. I know right from wrong. Any comfort is appreciated.
Leila says
Dear Mary,
I do have posts about this — I feel your pain, and it really is pain, to feel one’s children slipping away.
Teenagers need peers, but their peers need to be part of a solid community. We really encourage you to build that community with our St. Greg’s Pockets: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/st-gregory-pockets/
Purity is important! Here are ways of giving it to our children:
http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2013/10/standards-and-solidarity-ten-ways-to/
Ask Auntie Leila: Raising the children together when they are older: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2012/07/ask-auntie-leila-raising-our-kids/
There are more — keep poking around! You are right to trust God and not worry.
sibyl says
Auntie Leila has really helped me through the years, so I strongly recommend you read through those posts. The importance of good, solid, Christian friends is huge, for sure.
I’ve got two teenage daughters, 19 and 15, and two younger girls who are coming up soon, and what strikes me is that in some way it is natural for teens to begin questioning everything. As their intellects mature, they begin that long process of separating from their parents and claiming things for themselves. I know I went through that myself.
It seems like what has been most effective for us is for me not to get upset or defensive when a teen girl questions the faith or our way of life — says things like, “When I go to college I’m never going to Mass,” or “I never want to get married.” This suddenly has become a possibility for her and she’s trying it out in her mind, which we all have to do in order to see how important things are. My response is always something like, “Oh, I hope you will always go to Mass. Life has no meaning without God,” and leave it alone. If she says she doesn’t want to get married or have kids, I respond that she has a lot of time to figure that out, and that God’s plan for her will make her happiest, kids or no kids. She wants to know that she’s free to decide who she’ll be, that her parents won’t run her life forever; my job is to affirm that, but as a loving older woman in the Lord to reaffirm why we do what we do, that it leads to happiness in the long run.
Take heart! She knows you love her and want her best. Keep praying. I’ll pray for you tonight, too.
Maggie says
Marriage is definitely the answer and the place we all need to begin.
I also want to raise an issue near to my heart, and that is one of adoption. As individuals, and as a Church, we need to remember how much the families of adopted children need our love and support.
There are thousands and thousands of children available for adoption. But many of them come from hard places. Their parents were drug users or neglected the children, they’ve been raised for a few years w/ very little guidance, etc.
I know several families who have adopted children from difficult circumstances, and many of these families have real challenges as a result. When their children have behavioral issues or other such things, friends and fellow parishioners tell them what heroes they are, but offer very little in terms of support.
Instead, these families – or their adopted children – are often excluded, ostracized, and made to feel like failures because of actions beyond the parents’ control. These are challenging children.
We have spoken with a couple of families who are fearful of adopting children because of how complicated a child can be when he or she comes from difficult situations. But if we do not support the families who are willing to do the sometimes heavy-lifting of fostering or adopting children, then we are doing little more than giving lip-service to the pro-life movement.
Look around. Are their adoptive families whose lives you could touch? It’s about these children who will also be part of the future.
Lisa says
Such a good point. A dear friend of mine adopted from out of the US and her daughter has multiple, serious mental and developmental issues. It has nearly broken their marriage and put enormous stress on the biological children whom they have. As the adopted child looks and often acts normal, they feel greatly misunderstood and haven’t been received much support from family and friends. It’s heartbreaking to witness.
sibyl says
“Don’t be surprised when the remedy for what is overwhelming, huge, and evil is what is small, humble, and good.”
This has really had me thinking all day. This is profoundly true. We should all have this posted somewhere prominent.
Thank you.
Dixie says
I am switching back and forth between Defcon 2 and Defcon 3 in this third pregnancy, on tons of medicines, crawling my way towards the second trimester, and I asked my husband to stay home from the March for Life today (which all the faculty and students at the college where he teaches attend together annually).
We both felt bad about it because it “looks” bad on campus, but a then friend reminded me: what can be more pro-life than him taking care of his wife and babies? He has gone to the March for many years and will go again, and I’m glad of it. But it was a helpful reminder to read this post again this week. First things, first: we must dedicate ourselves to our marriage and family!
Dixie says
*then a*
Stephanie says
Dixie! God Bless you! That’s what I immediately thought when you said he was staying home to care for you. You are sharing in the March for Life prayer because you are living your vocation! I am pregnant too…so happy to walk this pro-life way with you…blessings xxoo
Dixie says
Thank you so much, Stephanie, and God bless you and your growing little one! It helps so much when we encourage each other!
JM says
Oh, Auntie Leila, I wish I could have a heart to heart with you about my marriage.
“When he loves and protects you and your children, he offers society a church in miniature — a sanctuary — and babies everywhere are safer.” How beautiful!
What does a hurting, betrayed wife do when she is advised to temporarily separate from an emotionally and psychologically abusive, porn addicted, husband “for the sake of the children”? 11 of them! Is it defending marriage, children, the weak and helpless to stay, letting it continue, setting this example? How conflicted and alone I feel!
Leila says
Dear JM, yes, sometimes there is separation and pain and hurt. I wish I could hug you. What I want to say here I will say briefly: Know that you are healing many, many things you can know nothing about until the hereafter when you honor your marriage, even when it seems lost.
Those brave souls who do so — who acknowledge that there IS a marriage even when it seems broken, rather than take the so-called easy, reasonable way out and pretend it’s gone now — they are the ones bringing Christ into the world, Christ the suffering servant.
We who have not been tested this way honor you.
Ei says
JM, I love you. Your name goes on my prayer board in the kitchen so that every day I am reminded to pray for you, your husband, your children. That is my “super power.” 😉 I have witnessed 2 brothers in law turn from their destructive habits through our prayers. God is able.
Suffering became my gift when God reminded me of Simon, who was forced to help Jesus carry the cross. Simon did not volunteer for the job. He was forced. During the tornado of my suffering, I was helpless and innocent – yet I could not escape my pain. God asked me if I would willingly assist Jesus in carrying His cross for a little while. After that revelation, I was at peace in my suffering. I still do not embrace suffering, however, I know that God can use all things for His good, and mine too.
God bless you a lot! Especially now when you are weary, and frightened, and feeling forsaken. All of us who read your post will be storming heaven for you and your family.
JM says
Thank you.