Last week I wrote a nice, helpful post about how to set up housekeeping for a lovely young lady who is by now, I think, just newly married.
And maybe some of you had a pang if, like me, you are already down the road without having done much of the practical or spiritual things we talked about in that post. Without realizing what was important.
I know some of you do get these pangs, because you write to me and say things I can so relate to, like this:
It makes me tear my hair out to think of how I spent my twenties so foolishly, so disordered toward the faithful family life we are creating now. ~ M.
Like, “Why didn't anyone tell me this before??”
In my post about the Third Secret to Destruction-Proofing your Marriage, some of you told me things like this:
Auntie Leila, how I wish I had read this when I was a new bride. Instead, I read it at 42 with a grieving heart, as I recover from a hysterectomy. For the last two years, I was in an agony of discernment, trying to determine if we should be open to another child or continue to use NFP (because of my advancing age and our limited finances). Then my health spiraled dramatically and I was informed by numerous doctors that unless I had a hysterectomy, my life would be at risk. How foolish and short-sighted all my fears seem now! If we look at our lives through the lens of eternity, what could be more important than being open to God’s plan? Now I can only weep and weep, mourning my lost fertility even as I hug my three children close to my heart. ~ Mary
I read this with tears in my eyes. By the time we woke up to the truth about this issue, I was 40. I’m 48 now, and even though I remember that my grandmother gave birth to my father at that age, then went on to have his younger brother at 50, I know that, biologically, the chances of us having any more children are exceedingly slim. Of course, with God all things are possible! 🙂 We do have a wonderful son, who has been a joy to raise, and we are very grateful to God for granting us the gift of that young man. ~ CarlynB
I read this post with tears in my eyes as well, knowing that my childbearing days are past (I’m 53 now), and wondering what might have been. ~ Christy
Today I do have a little to say about this regretting of the past, and what might have been. Whether it's regretting not realizing the importance of what you do in the home, not having true devotion, or actually taking wrong turns, I want you to know what kind of hope God has for you.
Some of you are good with the past and are good with how you've used your time, and, well, God bless you.
That's what the Irish say when they really mean “You're crazy” —
— as in “You have seven children? God bless you!”
Or sometimes they really mean “Are you for real?” — as in “You have no regrets about the past? God bless you.”
As for me, apart from the really awful things I've done pretty much on purpose, and all the stupid and ridiculous things I've done out of ignorance, there's just all the falling short and wasted time and serious ways in which I have not been kind or sweet or any of those things that I've recently discovered are important.
(Do you always feel like you only recently finally understood? Anything at all? That's how I always feel! “I'm starting to get a clue… I think I get it now…”)
But this is not my confession.
Let's talk about you.
Making mistakes.
It's what we do.
One day I discovered the remedy for this feeling — a little life-line of hope. Not in the “Jesus died to save me from my sins” kind of way, which is of course at the back of everything I'm going to tell you, no need to mention it. Not even in the “heaven will be our reward” kind of way, although sometimes that is all that keeps me going.
It's more a specific prayer that helps me with the actual, specific feeling of having wasted time and screwed everything up. (By the way, I love that the good God doesn't expect us to accept general, blanket statements about our deepest thoughts and feelings, but provides an infinite number of ways to communicate to us in the most precise terms!)
Now, feelings are quite separate from objective facts, so even if we've repented and confessed and offered and made reparation, we can still just be so frustrated at the feeling (which, after all, is based on fact) that we've gone and just not done what we ought to do, and now it (our life) is just… falling short in all these ways.
Which really is just life, and no one should be surprised that I, at least, wasn't able to wrestle all of it into the shape of my dreams.
Not that there isn't always much to be grateful for, and for sure many are suffering much worse things than I (or you, even) … it's just… the defeat of it all… way back when; some of which may not have been our fault. Sometimes we suffer misfortune, and what could be termed crop failures of the soul, if not the actual physical farm. Floods and droughts, real and metaphorical, events not necessarily of our own making.
And some things very much of our own making.
And sometimes the bitterness is hard to overcome. Especially when we get to that place where we see that things might have worked out, if we had known then what we know now!
This hope I'm speaking of first came to me in the form of a little scrap of Scripture:
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten… (Joel 2: 25)
It's a promise from God. He will restore the years.
Now, this whole chapter, of which this is one verse, is about many things. It's a prophecy about the redemption of Israel. It's really quite apocalyptic and earth-shaking and concerns the whole revolution of the universe in the day of the Lord. It's quite metaphorical: the blackness, the fire, the horses, the vats overflowing with wine and oil…
But still. There's a tiny bit of comfort there for the here and now, I feel — for our own interior parched land and the desolation of the past. It's not just that He will take us from here, leaving behind the mess, and deliver us to a better place (although He will do that if we rend our hearts and not our garments, as He mentions).
He's specifically saying that He will give back the years.
Later, as I began doing the Office of Readings, I noticed how often we pray Psalm 90 (89 in some versions). Go and read it — but the translation matters as to whether the bit that helps me will jump out at you or not. Try the Revised Standard Version to get the full effect of what I am trying to say.
The first part of this Psalm basically goes over what I've been trying to say here. It's a lament for how short man's time is compared to God's time, and how futile things can seem — even our efforts. The Psalmist sees how even our objective successes seem to us, in this light, like the children of men returning to dust. Like grass withering.
Have we done what we ought to do? This is what worries us, because we can sort of see the answer.
Then He puts the words in our mouths — words we should say to Him.
“Make us glad as many days as thou hast afflicted us,/and as many years as we have seen evil.”
Just as we say to our children,
“Say, ‘Mama, please give me the cherry,' and then I will give it to you,”
God is saying to us,
“Say, ‘Teach us to number our days aright… Give me back the years. Make it up to me.' And then I will.”
Now, we aren't actual babies, so we have to have the right kind of vision to see what He will do.
We also have to have gone through those years of the dry times (so it's not a prayer that can be prayed too soon!). And it's not that if we have faith, we will prosper — not according to how the world sees it, most likely. Certainly, He didn't make to prosper His own Son.
But on the other hand, there are His words. We must trust, and hope. Pray this prayer of Psalm 90: 15 and then have hope, let go, and trust. Remember Joel 2: 25, when the memory of the locusts bites.
He will restore the years, just as they ought to be, and the work of our hands will grow. And we will be the ones to tell the others of His goodness… only those who experienced it in just this way.
You will see.
Amy says
Tears here, Auntie Leila. God bless you — not in the “You’re crazy!” sense, either, ha! but the deep-breath-wow-I’m-so-grateful-to-you sense. Thank you.
Jenny says
Thank you for this post. I keep running across that verse from Joel and I don’t think it is an accident.
Genevieve says
Thank you for these words of hope. I needed this today!
Donna L. says
This is beautiful–thank you, Auntie Leila~
I’d like to believe that I’m making better, forever changes for our family–but then? I’ll act in a most *human* way–not the way I would like! Forgiveness and kindness is where I am doing my toughest learning, right now.
I am also praying in thanksgiving–my 18 year old daughter had emergency surgery on the 7th for a brain aneurysm–and it has turned our family’s world upside-down…a million little miracles has her back home—amazing team of doctors and nurses–she is resting well and healing slowly. “One in seven chance that she will survive the surgery–” said the neuro-surgeon about my first-born…and I have pondered many things in my heart—have I given her to God as I ought…? What about her brothers and sisters? What do I do as I pray, when I can only wait and hope?
Deirdre says
Donna, this hit me because just last night I had an extremely stressful dream that my baby girl (my firstborn) had brain surgery! So I currently have a fairly strong imaginary sense of what you must be going through. I will keep you in my prayers!
Donna L. says
Thank you, Deirdre! I have so much for which I am thankful–but I’ll happily take more prayers, for peace and health and that God’s will, will be done!
May God richly bless you and your family!
Leila says
Yes, Donna, pray and TRUST! We are praying for you.
Donna L. says
Thank you so much, Auntie Leila! I *really* appreciate the prayers…Trust…Faith…Love…and the rest will follow~
God bless you and all you do to make our lives better!
Margaret Thom says
My husband had that & thankfully made a wonderful
recover. You are all in our prayers. God Bless.
Donna L. says
Thank you for your prayers—I’m so glad he recovered!
Each time I mention what happened to our daughter to people who ask about her, people have downcast looks, and then mention someone they knew that perished from that same thing.
She is resting and getting a bit feisty~which is good for my *Momma Heart* to see because I believe she is slowly healing and getting better. I still look back here to say “thanks” for the prayers…it is balm for my soul since I have been so worried since the 6th of July! Two more years to wait for the “all clear”–seems so far away to wait for the proverbial ‘shoe to drop’…
Julie Whitmore says
Thank you for this. Oh, if you only knew.
polly says
This is wonderful. Psalm 90 is one of my favorites. When we had our basement (now schoolroom/laundry/etc) finished 2 years ago one of the verses I wrote in Sharpie on the wooden studs before the drywallers came in was Psalm 90:17. I think all of us have those parts of our lives–years, moments, situations, etc– that the locusts have destroyed. There is great comfort in knowing that even as far back as the Old Testament, God was promising a restoration. I love your message of hope to your readers. We all need these reminders!
Michelle M says
Oh, Leila! This is exactly why I love this blog. I am sitting here with a big hot lump in my throat. Someday the sharp pain of regret will ease up enough so that God can use my story to help others, but I just want you to know that I deeply appreciate your cooperating with God in letting Him minister to all of us through your words and demeanor. Thank you.
Gina says
Oh, my, Leila–I’m in tears. This is so profound.
Dianne says
Beautiful words of encouragement. Thank you for sharing.
Kelsie says
With tears in my eyes, thank you.
Kathia says
YES! A thousand times yes!! God has said the same comforting words to me, using the same verses! Confirmation from the Spirit. 🙂 I shared this on FB. So many of us need this.
Teri Pittman says
And some times, God works in mysterious ways. I wrote to you about my stepson. (He didn’t apologize but he is speaking to his father again.) I didn’t have kids for health reasons and that waiting too long that others mention. So it has been very strange to wind up with a stepson. We both lost our mothers at an early age, 20 for me and 19 for him. He is clearly not my son, but I have tried to help steer him right. Unfortunately, he has problems admitting when he is wrong and learning from his mistakes. But haven’t we all been like that at some time?
You can’t change the past, you can only go forward. You just have to be open for whatever God has in store for you.
Barbara says
Biological children do that, too! It’s always hard to see children make mistakes, turn away from God and parents, but they do it. And it hurts us whether they are children of our bodies or children of our hearts.
Karen says
Dear Auntie Leila, tears are welling up here. Thank you for your words of understanding, encouragement, and hope. Oh, and I just got my copy of “The Little Oratory”. It’s fantastic!
JLTK says
I found this prayer last week:
A Prayer to Redeem Lost Time, by St. Teresa of Avila
O my God! Source of all mercy! I acknowledge Your sovereign power. While recalling the wasted years that are past, I believe that You, Lord, can in an instant turn this loss to gain. Miserable as I am, yet I firmly believe that You can do all things. Please restore to me the time lost, giving me Your grace, both now and in the future, that I may appear before You in “wedding garments.” Amen.
I spent my 20s and 30s trying to conform to the things of this world which, of course, left little room for an openness to life. After returning to the Church and remarrying at 50, the good Lord gave me children – 90 to be exact – in the religious education program I direct in my parish. He sure does work in mysterious ways and yes, has a real sense of humor too! I prefer to think of my past not as ‘wasted years’ but ‘hard lessons learned’ that brought me to my life today.
Mrs. B. says
Thank you for sharing this prayer – it’s the opposite of despair.
Teresa says
This touched me so much I can’t even speak of it.
Oh my dear sister in Christ – if you only knew what a comfort and balm your words have been.
Thank you.
Theresa (Haus Frau) says
I did have a pang after reading your post to the bride (all the while determined to save that advice for my five daughters who will need it someday!!) Thank you for that post, and this one. It gives me such peace!
Mrs. B. says
Leila, thank you for this. Just the other day I was thinking what mysteriously rich book the Psalms are, and how little I understand them… Thank you for this lesson in hope!
What a blog, what a blog!! 🙂
Chiara says
56, and teary, over many things; many sins, much cowardice, much simple self-absorbed stupidity. God bless you!!!
(WAIT — not like that — like, for real — !!)
Now laughing a bit too. And that’s life, right? Such a mix.
Patty B says
Lovely post. You are such an encouragement to many. I think your blog is a much needed ministry to moms, and by it you are surely doing the good works that God prepared in advance for you to do. Ephesians 2:20
Sara says
Leila – I am not a regular reader of your blog (or any blogs), though I am always blessed when someone shares one of your posts. I just read your “third secret of marriage” for the first time and absolutely loved it. I am a protestant mom of 11 who (due to child resistance as the obvious and only choice) had no children for the first five years of marriage (married when we were 20 and 26), then the first two were 3.5 years apart… then (long story) due to dis-satisfaction with any of the options to assist with “child resistance” I started reading about NFP and through that was introduced to beautiful and compelling Catholic teaching on being open to life. At the same time, my husband, out of the blue, said one day… “I really don’t get why we use birth control anyway – isn’t it the Lord that opens and closes the womb” and I said… “Ugh, I’d hate using NFP all the time” and he said, “No, I don’t think we should use anything. I think we are supposed to enjoy our marriage and let God worry about the babies.” At which point this was an Entirely New Thought to anything I had ever, ever imagined and panic, grief, and obsessive worry set in for three weeks of prayer (and some tears) before submitting to the Lord in desperate trust and hope I would not have 37 children and then… Ah! Such freedom! This is how it is supposed to be (but with momentary panic occasionally in the coming years when I realized that though I was/am an absolutely amazingly dedicated breastfeeder 24 hours a day, my periods came back at 8 to 12 weeks and babies were born only 16- 23 months apart.) Things were always FINE. Day to day is good. We have much joy! We love our big, completely unexpected (from our original plans) family! Anyway – I have been convinced for a long time that this is indeed a secret to a happy marriage (and whole family) to have our relationship be loving and joyful and open, and every once in a while “Yay! A baby.” Thank you for sharing your story and your “secrets” – may they be widely embraced by Christians. Of course there is a personal story – When I was 43 our five youngest children were five and under ( the closest of any of our child spacing, and at the time our oldest was 17) and our youngest daughter was diagnosed with very high risk infant leukemia at the age of 3 months and I spent the next year fighting for her life, much of the time in the hospital separated from the family. It was an amazing time of difficulty, even suffering, mixed with blessings. Our first impulse was to protect her and my ability to breastfeed her for as long as possible (since I often lose my milk supply once pregnant and my recent pregnancies were very close together) by trying NFP and some other methods once we were out of the hospital, but practicing any sort of abstinence in the midst of such a terribly difficult time put demands on our marriage that we were not used to, and it added greatly to our stress. We gave up on that and prayed for God to keep us, protect our little one, etc. That baby is now three years old, in remission from her cancer (still breastfeeding) and I have NOT conceived a new child and our marriage is very happy and we just celebrated our 26th anniversary. The unimaginably difficult time of facing our baby’s poor prognosis and the tremendously intense and dangerous chemotherapy protocol was good for our whole family and many, many times we have known and had joy in the fact that our large family was able to better withstand the stresses of these years because of all of us together: our varied gifts, our mature and capable older children, and the stability of the ongoing homelife for our other little ones while I was gone for so much of her intense treatment years. Anyway – bless you! We would enjoy each other if we had a chance to meet. I’m glad you share your life. 🙂
Annalisa says
Sara, thank you for sharing this part of your story! There is so much that is true and beautiful in it.
Habou says
Your story is very beautiful. God bless you and your family.
Lisa G. says
This is such a lovely reminder! My mother would often mention that verse from Joel to me; she counted on it. She would also quote Padre Pio, “Pray, hope, and don’t worry!”
Mamabearjd(Michelle) says
You did more good than you know in posting this.
Josie says
Tears here too, and I think it’s in each day, I regret the past of the day! So many mistakes I wish I could go back even within one day and live it differently. The wisdom and sometimes torture of the night time over-thinking! If anyone could comment, for whatever reason as I read this late at night I have gained courage to ask and forgive the hijack, but you are a blessed group…what would you tell a 13 year old girl who has been in chronic pain (will still an unclear source) since half way through her twelfth year, what would you tell her when she tells you she is mad at God? And then she feels guilty for being mad at God? I tell her it’s OK, He’s a big boy He can take it. Just keep talking to Him. But truly, my heart is broken. My daughter is suffering for many months with something like a connective tissue disorder, pain in many of her normal movements of everyday she’s had to give up playing her instrument, doing any sports, feels like an old lady if she goes on an outing or shopping, pain in the hips, the shoulders, the arms, the knees, writing…at such a young age. I can do the medical searching and the endless doctors, but as far as Faith goes, how do you guide a child who suffers daily and misses the life that she had and envies the children around her and the older people around her who walk through life painless? I just don’t know how to do this we are going on month ten soon and the hard questions are coming. I think Joel 2:25 is a help for me and I am going to point her to it, but I’m lost. There is a chance she will be in pain her whole life and she is aware of that. I know there are many suffering so many things.
Lori says
Praying for your daughter, Josie.
Michelle M says
Josie, I am praying for your daughter, too. My first thought is Lyme disease? But my second thought is to ask if there is a Charismatic Renewal group near you? It sounds as if you have the medical aspects addressed. If you aren’t used to the charismatic ways they can seem very strange, BUT I have seen and heard testimonies of people who have been healed in this way when all medical avenues were exhausted. Your daughter sounds very spiritual, which is very impressive for such a young age. I agree with you, too, that God can handle your daughter’s anger. Taking her feelings of anger to God is the best thing to do with them! Anger is a natural response to such a seemingly unfair situation and an underlying trust and expectation is a sign of faith. If you are in the DC area I can suggest a very Godly group who has some wholeheartedly faithful and gifted people with gifts of the Holy Spirit who would love to pray with you and your daughter.
Michelle M says
I Just want to add my agreement to the other commenters that it is so important to give oneself over to God’s will for one’s life–good and bad parts. God is the ONLY One who can make any good come of the bad parts. I know it from a recent horrifying revelation regarding my husband and our twenty-five-year-long marriage. But the seeming worst day of my entire life turned out to be the first day of the most rewarding and spiritually educational year of my life. I absolutely know that God can use all things for the good, but even Christ Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not what I will, but what Thou wilt”. Doing all you can medically AND spiritually while offering the suffering to God (who can USE our suffering, but doesn’t necessarily WILL it) is an extremely valuable lesson for ALL of us.
Michelle M says
Josie, do you want to email me? mur7fam at verizon dot net if you want.
Lina says
Josie, I will pray for your daughter. I too went through a period of great anger at God (over problems in my personal life, not health), and the cure was submission to His will. This will be a very difficult thing for a young girl to manage – it was very difficult for me, and I was thirty! – but maybe she can try. Basically, I just had to accept that this was the state of things, I did not know the reason why things were the way they were but they just WERE, and God was in charge, even if it seemed unfair. I would say “Thy will be done” over and over, whenever I thought of my troubles, between gritted teeth at first and certainly not feeling like I meant it; but gradually, over weeks and months, I meant it more and more, regained my peace, and the anger left me. And then life righted itself and I was happy again.
I can’t promise your daughter will be healed, obviously, but I do think acceptance of God’s will is key.
Again, prayers for her.
BridgetAnn says
I learned a priceless lesson years ago from “Trustful Surrender to Divine Providence” by Fr. JeanBaptiste Saint-Jure & St. Claude de la Colombiere. It is a very small book but truly worthy of its subtitle “The Secret of Peace and Happiness”. Essentially God ordains EVERYTHING for good. After all, He brought about our salvation from the greatest evil that ever happened, namely, the death of the Incarnate God.
However long your daughter is meant to suffer these physical evils, long or short term, I believe she ought to know that she has been chosen for a heroic mission. Uniting her sufferings to those of Christ may be, in the mysterious work of grace, the means of bringing an end to some evil in the world or the salvation of a (or many!) hardened sinner(s). She has been given a great gift to share in what God chose for His Son while on earth.
Leila says
Josie, if a child can learn to love God’s will, that child will be spared much anguish — of the kind I’m speaking of in this post — later on.
Not to say don’t find a solution to the physical problem if one exists, of course…
But teach her what we must all learn, one way or another — to abandon ourselves to God’s will with peace (as Lina and BridgetAnn, above, say).
Part of the process is to get to that interior point where we go all the way down and give Him a big Yes. It can happen in a moment, and your job is to talk to her about it and help her see that it’s the only happiness any of us will ever have — and it has to be renewed constantly.
Another part is to see that others may look “pain free” but we have to see with the right kind of eyes. Everyone suffers. And it may be that for someone their suffering will come later or have been in the past. THIS, I believe, is a big part of what God tells us when he says “don’t judge.”
A child — even a “pain-free” child — must learn, sooner or later, to serve others. And yes, a child with pain can serve others as well. So, did you read “The Miracle Worker” — I posted about it here the other day: http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2015/07/understanding-children-special-needs-or-not-the-miracle-worker-in-the-library-project/
Read the play and think about how Helen’s parents crippled her with their PITY. Annie was so frustrated with them because she knew that even with her handicaps, Helen could face reality. Reality — what is more precious than REALITY?? A good gift to give. Our times specialize in “self-actualization” which is the opposite of reality. “Poor me, I don’t have privileges, I envy others, I should be able to be whoever I want to be!”
(So, no Disney at this point in time — just not that helpful.)
Your daughter needs some good reading. (You could read Helen’s story with her or watch the movie at some point, without too much commentary though.)
If she is spending a lot of time resting on the sofa, make sure she has a stack of good, old books. You know the kind I mean — go look in the Library Project for ideas. I recommend Andrew Lang’s colored fairy tale books, among other classics. And also give her books about saints — these are our heroes — the ones who overcame a lot in order to serve others and God. Check out the series by Louis de Wohl — lots of good ones there.
Here is a prayer for her: http://www.ccrno.org/HS.CardinalMercier.htm
Everyone can benefit from this prayer, and I don’t exaggerate when I say that it’s the first step I ever really took (other than entering the Church of course) to my own interior life.
Josie says
Oh my goodness, I asked the right people! I was honestly too embarrassed to check the responses this morning knowing I had written so late and maybe wasn’t thinking clearly and maybe hijacked the thread for my own purposes, though I had longed to ask you all and couldn’t figure out how. I am so moved and so thankful to you all. There is so much in here that I can work with and so much that resonates with what I think God has been saying to me about it all. She read Anne Frank recently and she even did read a book about Helen Keller a few months ago but when I saw that post recently I meant to check it out and see if that is what she read (I do know what she reads, but my mind forgets things quickly with all these little boys underfoot:)!) I will definitely get a good stack of those suggested reads for her.
I’m just so very thankful I’m going to sit and read through all the responses again prayerfully tonight. Thank you, you have all lifted up her Mama’s heart for sure!!!
As a less than quick answer, we are now in PA, but just moved from the Baltimore area right before this happened so on several fronts it is tough b/c we had such a wonderful medical community down in Baltimore and so we entered this having to search for new doctors, none of which we have clicked with and I am constantly searching wishing we had our old docs back. She had a back “sprain” of unknown cause (again when she was playing sports) that lasted 8 weeks back when she was 9 and I think it is clearly related to the underlying cause. Her old pediatrician would have been able to make that connection, but the I can’t get new docs to absorb her history.
We thought limes too at first and she was checked for it when it first started and came back neg, and no signs of arthritis in her bloodwork. She had a virus when it first started, so we thought it was some kind of viral neuropathy but so many things have so many similar symptoms. She has an unusual, especially for her age, nerve compression injury in her shoulder (having to stop playing her harp!!!, that alone makes me cry) and likely an underlying condition of very loose shoulder/hip/knee joints that allowed her to get injured too easily. So we can find no doctors to treat the nerve compression or consider a surgical treatment (which possibly could help, but maybe not-it’s so confusing) and then the loose joint condition (something like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome) is not well known in the medical community either and getting to someone who knows about it has a waiting list of 2 years! But she does have an appt with a geneticist (in January!!!-the waits are awful!) But the condition itself causes pain in those joints. They say this age is when things start to scream, hormones and body changes and all that.
Forgive my blabbing but I went through a few months where I was desperate to get her to much healing prayer. She was able to be prayed over (only by me) with a first class relic of St. Therese in December (her pain begin on St. Therese’s feast day) and one of the traveling miraculous OLG images of the Tilma came to visit her school in March and she prayed in front of Her. Of course each time I hoped she would be miraculously cured, but never went there verbally with my daughter as I didn’t want her to lose faith over the less obvious answers we were certainly getting that weren’t quite our will, but God’s. Of course, she hoped to be cured too without having to hear it from me. God is working always and I am learning much the hard way, which is probably the better way, I know, though I’d give it back often for an easier lesson:). I will stop writing now thank you for “listening” eyes/ears/hearts! My prayers promised for the intentions on this thread. Michelle if you have a prayer group I am all ears. You never know when we might be able to head down there. God bless!
Sue says
Did your daughter have the Gardasil vaccine? A dear friend of ours is suffering effects from the vaccine that sound similar to your daughter’s. If she has had this vaccine, do some research and see what you can find out. There are many girls suffering from this and lots of support and information is available online (not much support from the medical community though).
Melissa says
Josie,
I will pass on to you the very wise advice given to my by a beloved priest in confession.
I had been going through a very trying time (4th miscarriage) and was very angry.
He told me something that I will always remember about God’s ability to take our anger.
He said that people don’t realize that anger at God won’t help us. It will only make us hurt more.
Melissa
Laura says
I understand this struggle… I am in between. I am in my mid thirties, with 5 children and since the last 2 were high risk (blood clot), I’ve struggled with “having any more”, though for the last 7 years, we’ve pretty much just trusted God with our babies and when they come. I have more insight than I did when I was 22 and newly married. I have learned how to forebear, how to be a wife, how to be a mother (still learning of course, however!), and realize that I still have much to learn still, but also see our dreams (of living in the country–with our 5 boys) never coming to fruition (while we are young enough to still handle it!) and trying to figure out sorta how to cope/manage and where to go from where we are, not be stuck in “what I wish things were”… Can’t change anything, have to just keep on keeping on… sometimes feeling like I am starting to slip as a person…spending 20 years caring for everyone and meeting everyone’s needs, who am I? What is life once children are grown and gone? Stuff like that…
Gemma says
Here is another prayer I like, I hope others may like it too. 🙂
Prayer to the Mother of Divine Hope
O Mary, Mother of Divine Hope, guide and strengthen your children who are struggling with the difficulties and disappointments of life. Help us to keep our trust in God and never despair of His help, no matter how great our suffering may be.
You who stood by the Cross of Jesus, be with us in our times of sorrow, and through your motherly intercession, give us the hope and courage to struggle on in the face of all life’s sorrows, failures and betrayals.
Save us from the sin of despair, and grant your protection especially to those who are depressed or suicidal, to those who are frightened, and to all those who are overburdened by the problems and sorrows of life.
Hail Mary…
Mother of Divine Hope, pray for us.
Amy says
Thank you for post. My daughter moved out on Monday into an apartment. Now facing the empty nest syndrome.
Robin says
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgbawnJI3sg
This is a beautiful musical rendering of the scripture from Joel 2 that I have played and sung along to much through the years…sometimes unable to sing because of tears. Thank you for the beautiful reminder today, Auntie Leila, and for being a voice of sanity as we are all just trying to figure this thing out day after day. Love from Kansas!
RCG says
So, so good. Shared. Off to meditate…
RCG
Kathy@9peas says
Leila, so beautiful and so much truth – I love you for being honest and open, firm but absolutely full of love, thank you!
I was lucky and stumbled into Catholic teachings at the beginning of our marriage, here we are 20 + years later and I can attest to what you say “stay the course, you will one day see the reward”. The struggle came 5 years ago as our youngest’s Autism started to reveal itself and our economic situation hit a very real low. God is so good, he takes care of us. I long for the ability to remain home and not be concerned for where the next grocery money will come, but recognize that for now – this reality is our’s and we will make the best of it (and are). I still encourage Mom’s to stay home with their babies and children, be open to life and learn to enjoy the small things. We never did without, we always had hikes, walks to the park, birthday parties involved siblings picking out dollar store items and making a scavenger hunt for the birthday child etc..etc.. We live very, very simply – but sometimes even then you have to pay the bills.
I love this post so much, and hope you will continue to encourage for the family. I know deep down in my heart that I wasn’t smart enough to have gotten where I’m at family wise due to having wisdom in the beginning, Familiaris Consortio was placed in my hands at about age 22 and it made a deep impression. Keep preaching Leila, it is needed in today’s world and oh my goodness do the young Mom’s need your voice!
Ashley says
Thank you for this – I can’t tell you how much I needed this. Lately I’ve been struggling with feeling like I wasted time early in our marriage and just feeling guilty about it. I really wish I would have known a lot of what you’ve shared earlier, but such is life. I just trust that the Lord will work all of this to good.
Ari says
Thank you so much for writing this. I never understood those people who say they live with no regrets. I certainly live with regrets, but God’s mercy is profound. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Such hope radiating.
Habou says
A beautiful post Leila. You’re a wonderful daughter.
maman says
Habou, blessings to you for the gift of your daughter.