I thought I'd do a special post on something I get a lot of mail about:
Making Toast!
Seems like these days gals just don't know how to do important kitchen tasks like making toast, but fortunately, the collective memory won't let you down! Fear not my pets!
Auntie Leila to the rescue! Step by step, you will learn. Don't worry. If I can do it, so can you!
First, cut a piece of bread. If your bread comes already cut, that's fine, no need to cut it, just take a slice. But if it's in a whole loaf like mine, you will need to cut it with a bread knife.
I hope you have a toaster. This will be hard if you don't. I'm a little ashamed of the state of mine, but you know that we aren't movie stars here, we're just little old us with a somewhat grody but useable toaster.
Keeping it real!!!
Put your slice in one of the slots. (If you are doing two slices, use both slots, although you can fit two into one side here — this toaster will take four slices! I know, right??)
Push down the lever. Set the toast level you want.
I like my bread really toasty, so I chose “4” but you have to choose the number you like. It might take time and practice but that's okay.
Not everything is learned all at once, like slamming your head into a wall and realizing that that's no good.
While the toast is toasting, you'll have a minute or two to make some decisions and get things prepped or “mise en place” as we say in the commercial professional food industry.
Get your butter ready.
Are you going to want jam?
Or honey? Or cinnamon sugar?
You also will need a plate. Try to choose one that is just a little larger than the toast you are making. If you are having, say, eggs with the toast, then you will need to anticipate a little extra room. Again, be patient. These kinds of decisions take practice!
By now your toast is ready.
You will know because it will pop up automatically, which is great and actually makes a distinctive sound, recognizable even from another room, should you have been extra quick with your topping decisions and plate choices and wandered off.
However, the toaster manufacturers have made knowing that the toast is done virtually foolproof by adding to this characteristic sproinging toast-popping-up noise another noise — in fact, a loud beep! In fact, THREE LOUD BEEPS!
Just in case you are a toast-making moron who can't be trusted to get your &%$@(+%%&* toast without some sort of anxiety attack built in. Literally, anxiety with a side of buttered toast.
(If your bread pops up and isn't sufficiently browned, don't despair! There's still hope. Just pop it down again, perhaps at a lower setting than before, and see if you can't reach that perfect golden toastiness. Just know that you are in for three more beeps. Choose wisely.)
We use tongs to get our toast out because we have a Habou who provides us with such useful implements.
Butter your toast. Use a good knife suited to the purpose and butter it really well.
(You will note that I did not actually choose the right sized plate for this particular toast application. Apparently 50 years or so of making toast isn't enough practice… )
Go right to the edges with that butter.
Now apply your topping. I chose honey. Go right to the edges.
You will regret it later if you have left toast areas with no coverage. These are not the kinds of issues you need to be dealing with in your life.
Cut the toast. If this had started life as a square piece of bread, you would have some more choices ahead of you. Rectangles? Triangles? Sailboats?
Now what to have with your toast, beverage-wise? (There are so many other foods to go with toast that I think we'd need a whole series to cover that! Maybe later kay?)
You could go with orange juice or milk… (or… hard cider)?
Tea of course. Coffee (not pictured). Cocoa (not pictured).
I opted for a cold glass of water, the better to show off the yumminess of this awesome toast! I wish you could taaaaasssstttte ittt!!!
Of course, once you get the hang of basic toast, you can always branch out with other variations: whole wheat, raisin bread… even English muffins make delicious toast!
I can't say I've tried any gluten-free toast recipes — maybe one of our readers could chime in on the appropriate substitutions?
christine says
I cannot believe how enthralled I was with a post about toast. Very well done.
It makes me wonder… what would you do with the topic of watching paint dry. 🙂
Laura says
cackle 🙂
Barbara says
Happy April Fool’s Day!
Amy says
Very clever, Auntie! It looks so good. I want some!
Betsy M says
Your a hoot Leila! As I am rather an expert on GF toast, I would recommend the same basic recipe. However, be sure to start out with gluten free bread and a gluten free toaster.
Dixie says
Yes, and remember, gluten-free foods are always a little different from “regular,” so you should expect only 2 beeps for gluten-free bread. If you get 3, start again. And again. And again.
Terri says
Well played Auntie Leila. (Now I want toast!)
Melissa D says
I could have sworn I saw “baby news” in the headline when I clicked through from feedly. Did I mis-read? Because I lovvvvve toast, but babies are my jam. (ha)
Leila says
Yes, Melissa, because at first we were playing with the idea of saying that both Rosie and Deirdre had their babies, but we got caught up in the toast! 🙂 And forgot to change the code.
Sarah says
An excellent way to use the pause while waiting for toast to pop is to beat all your children :). See how neatly that ties with last year’s April Fools? http://www.likemotherlikedaughter.org/2014/04/my-secret-to-consistency-in-discipline/
Leila says
Sarah, thank you for remembering! They so go together!
Lisa G. says
You wascally wabbit! I was halfway through it, wondering who in the heck needs to learn how to make toast, when I remembered what day it is. But I love ALL your bread posts, no matter the level. Which brings me to you knife – your mixer method of making bread has freed me tremendously and I’m trying to make my own bread more and more, so – it’s hard to cut nicely. I’ve been told an electric knife is best, but that long serrated oneyou have works well? I even bought a wooden thing you put the bread in, with slats for guides for the knife.
Leila says
Lisa, that knife is a gift from Nick and Natasha, a nice Shun bread knife. Any good serrated bread knife will do — but it has to be GOOD! Eschew bad knives.
Also, braid your bread (tutorial in “tutorials”).
Also, practice!
🙂
christineguest says
When newbie knit/crochet designers want to learn how to write patterns (they tend to be the people who never worked off patterns in the first place) they are often told to write instructions for brewing tea.
With your photography and blog skills, you are all set. Of course, you probably don’t want to write patterns, and no one earns much money off that part of the business anyway, but I thought it might be nice to know.
GF toast has nice texture, but it’s all about the butter and jam. I’m thinking we are almost ready for a mixed kitchen, but I’m not quite brave enough to risk getting glutened accidentally, my kids and husband get so protective and nevous around me when they get to eat regular bread, if I did get sick they’d have guilt fests. (I have celiac disease).
Kathia says
Ha. 🙂 And now I must eat toast…
Elizabeth says
Right, so I just spent the whole post going “Wait, what? Is she serious?” It wasn’t ’til I hit the comments that I realized it’s April 1st. 🙂 Nice job on the toast post though! A humorous look at an often-overlooked topic of importance.
Heather says
I didn’t remember either, so while I enjoyed the fun of it all, I did wonder and then felt quite silly when I saw the April Fool’s remark. Time for bed! 🙂
Ellen says
My toaster does not beep.
NOW what do I do?
Teresa says
LOL!!
Heidi says
I was 2/3 off the way through before I remembered what day it is.
And, in the spirit of food blogs everywhere, “What a great recipe! I don’t have any bread – do you think this would work with orange slices just as well?”
Betsy M says
funny!
Sarah says
My seven year old had to carefully read every word and gaze at each picture. Now he is off to make toast with honey for breakfast. 🙂 We have a toaster oven, though, so we’ll have to muddle through. Maybe I have a manual around here somewhere…
Mrs. B. says
The blasted triple beep has been known to wake up a baby sleeping upstairs…. Now we nervously try to guess when it’s about to go off, and turn the toaster off in time. I used to have a dryer that would honk like a car horn when it was done. I think more women should be involved in the design of appliances…
Katie says
Funny funny. At our house we even have a favorite toast song (no joke!). Does the LMLD clan know this bit of internet inanity? Yeah Toast!. “All around the country and the coast . . . people always say, what do you like most . . . I don’t wanna brag, I don’t wanna boast . . . I always tell ’em, I like TOAST.” It’s in quite the same spirit as your erudite instructions.
Amy A. says
I have always loved this goofy song! My favorite part is, “Oui Marie baguette bonsoir . . . FRENCH TOAST!!” 🙂
Grace says
Great post! I didn’t realize it was April Fool’s either till I read the comments. 🙂
One genuine tip is that typically (there may be some exceptions as I’m not an expert) the type of serrated knife with the points sticking out is the best to cut bread. The kind of serrated knife with the points sticking in tends to mush down the bread and take forever to cut, but is actually amazing at cutting raw meat!
This one little tip revolutionized my kitchen life when I figured it out. 🙂
Amy says
Ha! Your toast looks so yummy, though, I might have to make bread today! Years ago we neded a new toaster and opted for a $6-10 one at a grocery store, nothing fancy, just to “get by” until we had time to shop for another one. It has been the most reliable appliance we have owned.
Susan says
Got me! Halfway through the post, I was thinking, “It’s incredible the things young people don’t know how to do these days!!!” I got April Fooled and I obviously need to lighten up! Thanks for a good chuckle.
Sarah says
This was great! My first thought was, “Seriously? But maybe there’s something I don’t know. I’ve learned so many OTHER basic things that I didn’t know from LMLD…” Haha! And your pictures are so lovely, that now I do want toast!
Tori says
Oh, darn. I wish I had read this before I made breakfast. I’m sure I missed something…
Kathy@9peas says
A good piece of toast with honey and butter is hard to beat!
priest's wife @byzcathwife says
…..sourdough toast with butter and hot cocoa….using the following VERY complicated recipe – http://remnantofremnant.blogspot.com/2011/09/im-not-that-pw.html (marshmallow free today- it is still lent, of course)
Kate says
You forget to mention that if the toaster starts smoking, you should unplug it and shake it upside down over a trash can (or over the floor if you have an inside dog) to dislodge any debris. Children should also not be left unattended near a toaster as it is a dangerous electric appliance. They should be supervised at all times of use and preferably wear safety goggles and heat proof gloves.
When I started reading this post, I thought “Well, there ARE some pretty clueless homemakers out there”. and then I remembered what day it was…
Emily D. says
And now I want toast.
Speaking of toast: there was an old song on the radio show I used to use to wake up in the AM that was ALL ABOUT Toast. “You know what I like? I like toast.”
So I took this post seriously. 🙂
Jenn says
But … but … but … what if I have a toaster oven, and no toaster? What do I do, then? I’m lost! My bread is cut and ready to go, but I don’t have toast! Help!
Leila says
Jenn, there is literally no other way to make toast. Sorry, you’re out of luck! 😉
Margo, Thrift at Home says
heh. You are funny!
But I always adore your “basics” posts (the real ones) because it is so interesting to see how people do things. Most of the time, people assume that their basic is the way everyone else is doing it. And then there are the poor things who literally don’t know how to do the basics. Maybe your toast post will get real readers 🙂
I taught my husband how make ice once (fill the trays already!!!) and he got mad at me. But I had made my point.
Kristi says
Even though I knew the whole time it was a joke, it was still quite comforting to read something on LMLD that I didn’t compare myself unfavorably to and feel inadequate! I sorely lack domestic skills (though I’m learning!) and this was one post that I could read thinking, “I can do this. I REALLY can do this.” Also — grateful my toaster doesn’t beep! And that our new microwave has a mute setting — how cool is that?!
Leila says
Kristi — jealous of the microwave. I have a million things beeping and/or singing off-key at me in my kitchen, ugh.
Catie H says
Oh, I was DYING!! Thank you for making me laugh out loud.
Elizabeth says
This made me laugh so hard! 🙂 …and now I want some toast! The dinner plan tonight actually is French toast…
Elizabeth says
Also…we have an old toaster, we think from the 70’s? No beeping, but it has been known to catapult toast across the counter!
A.R. Danziger says
Ha! I clicked on the article thinking “I’d better check this out just in case I’m actually some kind of toast-making moron.” Hilarious.
Pru says
Sadly, I had a few girlfriends who did’t know to apply the butter when the toast was warm. No joke!
Lisa G. says
My mother never liked the butter melted on her toast – she’d wait till the toast was cold! To each, her own. 🙂
Pru says
My sister likes it that way too. She said she likes to bite into the thick cold butter. I shared your comment with her and she said, “see, I am not the only one!”
Margaret says
I think I could use some actual advice on “toast for large families.” Even with a toaster oven it takes multiple cycles to get enough for everyone. I’ve heard in the old days you just made toast in the oven–any thoughts?
Laura says
good point!!
Leila says
For large families, get two 4-slice toasters. Or a big toaster oven if you have the counter space. Which I never did, but toast is a priority!
Joy in Alabama says
Caught me! I forgot it was April Fool’s Day and kept wondering why you were teaching us how to make toast! hahahaha!
Mary says
I am embarrassed to tell you how riveting this was for me. When I realized what day it was (after reading most of your post and mentally reevaluating my toast making prowess,)I laughed out loud. It made me think of this comedian and his skit about the utter focus he needs to make toast. Enjoy!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9lwH2nHuitk
Tamara says
I saw what the post was about this a.m. and didn’t have time to read it. I was expecting an epic post like The Shower Post so I made sure to wait until I could give it my full attention. Here I am at the end of the day, thinking I had not been anyone’s April Fool… and you know where this is going 🙂 Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Auntie Sue says
Does this method work with Pop Tarts?
Dianna says
You know since I’m a day behind in reading my RSS feeds,, I was expecting a more serious post on making toast for a hoard – we have only 2 children and have already opted for a 4-slice toaster. Yes, that was my Christmas present this year! I AM a grownup! May I recommend a toast rack, should you be able to get a hold of one, if you end up making toast in quantity and would like to sit down to eat your own before getting up to make more.
Mary Lou says
… You have a very intelligent readership, but one … my eyes were fixedly looking at your bread, toaster, wonderful jams and then I even read the comments in disbelief that anyone could think it a joke, I had loved it so! … Eight almost grown children, 38 years of marriage and I still love to learn anything ~ it’s o.k. if I took it word for word as the truth about toast and I feel quite happy to be the one you stuped 🙂
Terese at FarmAndAway says
I love you LL, but I gotta say…reading this on April 7th, I totally believed it….and thought, “Okay, now she is going too far in breaking things down for us idiots.”
Congrats on the new baby!
Julie F says
Very well written and great pics. Now time to make some toast. HAHAHA