From John Paul II:
All members of the family, each according to his or her own gift, have the grace and responsibility of building day by day the communion of persons, making the family “a school of deeper humanity”: This happens where there is care and love for the little ones, the sick, the aged; where there is mutual service every day; when there is a sharing of goods, of joys and of sorrows.*
My mother is fond of telling this joke:
A woman and her son were visiting a new friend. They arrived in a limo. The chauffeur came around, opened the door, and carried the 9-year-old boy to the house. The friend, who was waiting to welcome them, asked the woman, “Oh my, is something wrong with your little boy? Can't he walk?” The woman replied, “Thank God, we're so rich he doesn't have to.”
You see? We are so prosperous that we consider it a virtue that our children have nothing to do.
Little do we realize the damage we are doing with this crazy attitude — nothing less than sending yet another generation out into the world handicapped by incompetence in daily life. Not only is the family the ideal place for a child to learn to help others, relate to all sorts of people, and take responsibility for all sorts of things, it's impossible for one person to do all that has to be done to keep a home running!
Interesting that we are always simultaneously doing it all and resenting our martyrdom.
Well, how about changing all that?
Now, you are going to have to do some thinking. My situation isn't the same as yours. The family that has five girls before any boys is going to be doing things differently than the one with all boys. Only you know how things can work out. So think!
A fundamental opportunity for building such a communion is constituted by the educational exchange between parents and children, in which each gives and receives. By means of love, respect and obedience toward their parents, children offer their specific and irreplaceable contribution to the construction of an authentically human and Christian family.
They will be aided in this if parents exercise their unrenounceable authority as a true and proper “ministry,” that is, as a service to the human and Christian well-being of their children and in particular as a service aimed at helping them acquire a truly responsible freedom, and if parents maintain a living awareness of the “gift” they continually receive from their children.*
All very well, beautifully put.
But you know me. Let's talk some practical secrets of what can be done and what to do. Chorewise, what exactly can a child's contribution be?
Let's look at some examples, very roughly by age.
1. Curtain climber. Ages 1-3 This little guy will follow you around and make things much, much worse. He pulls things off of shelves, then plows right over them. He grinds bagels into chairs. He eats kitty litter. Keep repeating, “My vocation is gestational in nature” and set your sights for the long distance. I once knew a woman who kept her 14-month-old child in a car seat at all times — and it wasn't her first child! — to avoid dealing with this stage.
I'm not making that up. Auntie Leila didn't know where to start.
The main thing is to develop a relationship with your baby such that you are responsive to him and he to you. This age is the time for teaching him to do things in order, rather than worrying about chores.
A two can put his underwear in the lights and his little jeans in the darks.
Your little ones can get up from the table and clear their place.
Washing hands after the toilet, lining up his trucks, tucking her dolls in their beds (I'm not very PC, am I?), clicking the cap on the toothpaste, putting pajamas in the drawer, getting the puzzles back on their shelf — these are “chore-prep” and plenty to work on for now. And then you give them a bowl of water and a rag and set them to washing the deck furniture. Make sure you call it their work!
2. I can do it by my SELF! Ages 2-4 Do you know why this stage drives you crazy? Because you have nothing for him to do. He feels like he's not contributing. You think of a two-year-old as an eating, pooping machine that has to be taken from point A to point B. Maybe you carry him around all the time, sort of mindlessly pacifying him — you react rather than act — or you keep him buckled into his car seat — you just don't respond at all.
He needs to become his own little self, and yes, that's a bit messy. Put your silverware where he can reach it. Get him his own small broom and dustpan and a place to put them. Give him a damp dust cloth and teach him to wipe down the stairs. Let him fill the dog's water bowl — you have a stool he can stand on to reach the sink, right? What's the worst that can happen? Spilled water! If you can't handle that, you need to get out more.
Seriously, just keep a stash of your demoted towels handy in a nearby cupboard, and don't worry about it.
3. Actually surprisingly helpful. Ages 3-6
Start making a list of the things you would like to get to, but don't have time because you have six children under the age of six, or two children and ill health, or whatever. You'd be surprised how many of them your children can do, if you would just grasp, once and for all, that it's better to have it done by a five-year-old than not done at all.
Dusting, windex-ing, appliance-wiping, deck-sweeping, dishwasher unloading, towel folding, dog-feeding, egg-collecting — these are all things competently if awkwardly done by those approaching the age of reason. Just give them a tutorial, correct them a few times, and let 'em rip.
A lot of you who linked up on our “Reasonably Clean Welcome” post had issues with shoes at the door. A totally wonderful, perfectly suitable chore for a 4-year-old is straightening out the shoes! You know, a neat row of shoes by the door is a joy. No basket necessary! (Besides, a basket doesn't really work, because the shoes get jumbled, and who has a basket big enough.) A terrible job for a Mom — a great job for someone lower down to the floor!
Willie had this job at our house for quite a while. Once I was taking Rosie (who was maybe 12) to buy new shoes. He really took a stand! “No! I wefuse! She has too many shoes aweady!” Turns out that he was struggling to keep up with her supply, which of course included soccer cleats, dress shoes, sneakers, and probably one other pair. Poor Will! We took pity on him and made her take a few up to her room.
4. Indispensable. Ages 6-12
If you've been patient and clever, you will now have an actual work force on your hands, one you can't do without. Let's remember that Ralph Moody was herding cows solo at the age of 8. That's why I keep telling you to read that book (Little Britches)! Nothing your children could possibly do would match that for danger and loneliness, I'm guessing, so quit making life so easy for them.
Stop babying your kids! Here's what my nine-year-olds could do: a load of laundry (not their own personal loads, I really don't believe in that; for one thing, it leaves you to handle the rest of the laundry by yourself if they do all of theirs, but there are other reasons as well — rather, they can do every step in the process of the family's laundry), the bathroom, the dishes, vacuum the den, watching their baby sister or brother, get the trash out of the car, make lunch.
Here's what an 11-year-old can do: mow the lawn (but please not fill the gas tank, it's really too dangerous, and I'm all for kids doing dangerous things, but we have to draw the line at severe burns or death), mop the kitchen floor, head up a car-cleaning team, get a room sparkling from top to bottom. After this, you will be knowing what your kids can do. They will be surprising you with their skills.
And of course, once that child's feet reach the floor, he should always be carrying something for you, getting something for you, and generally not being a leech on society.
If there is one thing that makes me weep for our times, it's the sight of some poor woman staggering under a load like a packhorse, while her children whine about how they don't want to be there/don't want to leave/are hungry. Even a kid in a stroller can hold his own sand toy.
If a task demands a safety lesson, make sure it has been given and absorbed. Make sure they understand that a machine is not magic. I can still hear my engineer-father's voice in my head: “Don't force it!”
Inspect the job until it's done to your satisfaction.
And occasionally, do it yourself.
Two reasons: 1) Usually (not always!) you really do a better job, and if you don't put yourself in the rotation, your house will suffer for it; and 2) Sometimes they do need a break, and you build trust and model kindness by showing yourself understanding when an unexpected opportunity comes up or they are feeling sick or tired.
It's good to be merciful; you will know when the right moment is to let up on your demands.
Now, let's remember a few things. Some astonishingly small children are dexterous and interactive. Their focus is close up. They delight in order and repetition. Some children have large movements and interests. Their horizon seems so very far away, and it's hard to reel them in.
So don't compare one child with another. Above all, don't read blogs and wonder why your kids don't do everything you read about. There's always next year. I'm convinced that there is a much wider margin than we are told for what constitutes appropriate behavior. I once gave this advice to a friend with two rambunctious boys: Stop listening to your friend with one sweet tea-partying, page-coloring girl! I'm sure she's a nice lady, but she has no idea what she's talking about!
Oh, and one more thing, which is what John Paul is saying in the quote below, essentially. Don't think I'm saying that the goal is for everyone to be behaving perfectly! Expect imperfection!
Meltdowns happen, even Mama-meltdowns (No! Really? Who knew?). Yelling isn't the worst thing. You don't want to be yelling constantly, of course, but sometimes your children sometimes need you to yell, because their bad behavior has to do with your excessive talking and misplaced patience.
And honestly, sometimes you (and I) deserve to be yelled at, let's admit it. (What could I do that would make my kid want to yell at me? What about this: She's on her way to doing what I told her to do, and I tell her to do something else! I'm not even listening to myself!) No. The worst thing is a tense, overly-bright covering-up of the sorry fact that no one is helping anyone else. You'll need anti-depressants for sure if you keep that up.
Family communion can only be preserved and perfected through a great spirit of sacrifice. It requires, in fact, a ready and generous openness of each and all to understanding, to forbearance, to pardon, to reconciliation.
There is no family that does not know how selfishness, discord, tension and conflict violently attack and at times mortally wound its own communion: Hence there arise the many and varied forms of division in family life. But, at the same time, every family is called by the God of peace to have the joyous and renewing experience of “reconciliation,” that is, communion re-established, unity restored.
In particular, participation in the sacrament of reconciliation and in the banquet of the one body of Christ offers to the Christian family the grace and the responsibility of overcoming every division and of moving toward the fullness of communion willed by God, responding in this way to the ardent desire of the Lord: “that they may be one.”[62]*
*These quotes are from Familiaris Consortio, Papal Exhortation on the Family by John Paul II.
nt12many says
Leila,
May the Lord use this to raise up many children who feel needed and loved and who become competent, joyful, unselfish adults! And may this generation of women read this post and understand why anti-depressants are sometimes over prescribed for women who do too much!
Jill Farris ” target=”_blank”>http://www.generationalwomanhood.wordpress.com
Lisa says
Oh you're good! Thanks for taking the time to write this one. Now, wish me luck (and patience) 🙂
priest's wife says
A beautiful post!
My big girls (11 and 12) are very helpful….but I am afraid that the 4 year old boy has it VERY easy….time to get him to work! as for the 2 year old girl, she is very much into the bagel-grinding stage—worse than any of my kids…I think a spray bottle of water and a rag is in order…she needs a job
I especially like that you wrote that we moms should be in the chore rotation…my kids work best when I am working on something, too. So I don't have my tea and book time until they are finished with their tasks
Jacki says
Thank you! And bless you for your practical advice given with the “If I can do it so can you” attitude, and for including the words of John Paul II. It is useful, motivational, and makes one feel not so alone.
When I had my first baby, I think I put way too much stock in a lot of books and articles I read which implied or blatantly stated that we need to be so careful not to overburden our kids or harm their self-esteem. I didn't know really how to accomplish that end – what did that mean? Let them do whatever they wanted? Was I supposed to just entertain them and play with them all the time? How could they contribute? Really, how are children just supposed to “be” in the family.
I am discovering slowly but surely, and by trial and error, what works best for us in our family and it sure is nice to hear ideas from someone else and find someone who can say something useful to me for my Catholic home.
Susan (DE) says
I love this. I especially love that you say not to compare to other, not comparable, families. For example, I had 4 boys (and 1 girl) for years BEFORE I had the next 3 girls. Let me tell you, my boys (though they did a LOT of work around the house — I mean, dishes, vacuuming, etc.), were different than the girls! They just were! They didn't SEE stuff the way my daughter did! And to force my daughter to do “EVERYTHING” (though everyone did chores) really wasn't fair! Sometimes we really encouraged her NOT to do some things. If she had had a sister or two near her, it would have been different. So sometimes it LOOKED like she got privileges, but really, she did SO MUCH!
Anyway, my point is, we're all different, and it is so encouraging just to realize that!
Thank you! Susan (mama to 8 from 29.5+ to 8.5+)
Breanna says
Whew. So I don't have the only kid in the world who tries to eat things animals won't eat. Thanks, Auntie, just for that. 🙂
Jennie C. says
“What can I do, Mama?” my four year old has been asking me almost constantly for the last week. She would thank you for this timely article, but she's busy washing the outside of the oven door. 🙂
Mama Bean says
“If you can't handle that, you need to get out more. ” I laughed out loud, and that made my staffperson wonder what I was getting up to in here. Oh sometimes I get a little beat down here, but on the other hand, sometimes I find out I'm doing something (one glorious thing!) right 🙂 Thanks for that today
sandra says
Aunty Leila,
As always you are totally spot on!! My littlest is in the “do it by myself” phase and she most definitely responds well to purposeful work.
I need to be working on my eight year old boy, he's naturally distracted so I think some chore chart posting might be in order!
God Bless San x
Erin says
Thank you, thank you, thank you. My sister and I were expected to do our part as children and I know I love it that my 3-year-old son wants to help (and CAN help) with many things. I know so many moms who complain about having to do everything and even before I had a child I asked them why they didn't have their kids do some of it. The answer was invariably that the kids were always at some practice or game or other activity. ARGH! So make them choose one sport instead of four! This isn't rocket science! There is far too much living for your children rather than teaching your children how to live as part of a family.
Kh. Patty says
Extremely practical as always—thank you!
Camille says
Yes, yes, yes! My 2.5 year old son helps me load and unload the dishwasher (I run interference on any sharp objects). I mostly just stand there and put away items that need to go high. And I finally gave him and his 5 year old sister rags and homemade Windex. My windows have never been so clean! And so much better than just dealing with sticky hand prints everywhere. Now if they mess the windows up, they go clean it up! Lovely. I'm trying to find a way to get them to wash the floors and do a good job! LOL
Emily says
My 6yo likes to use a Swiffer on our kitchen/entry floor. He's been doing that since he was about 5, and he's getting pretty good at it now.
Mama Hen says
Thank you Leila! I sooo needed this today. I have been bordering on discouragement/resentment/guilt/conviciton, all the mommy feelings-except for the main one, joy, today.
I have been assigning lots of chores, but not following through on checking them and therefore I am reaping what I have not done. Lots of little jobs that didn't get done right and they have all added up to one big mess here.
Time to go back to the drawing board-discipline for myself and for the kiddos.
Bethanne says
There are many benefits to giving each member of the family work to do that is productive and useful, but I love the point in which they eventually see jobs that need to be done or jobs they want to do. “Can I clean the glass?” “May I vacuum this time?” I even had an 11 year old boy decide he was going to make soup for the family and gave each member at home a job to do. (That was a 9 year old boy, a five year old girl, a two year old girl, and me!) It was the best soup I have ever tasted–because it was given out of his desire to help. He offered his “specific and irreplaceable contribution” to our “authentically human and Christian family.” This is absolutely the stuff that makes me want to banish the martyr mother forever who rears her ugly head every so often–you miss out on being able to receive that concrete love, however sloppy or messy or imperfect. Thanks!
Linny says
I'm so glad you posted this, Leila. For about a year now, I've been having my toddler help with some simple chores such as putting away laundry and dusting with a feather duster. My son also happens to be autistic and loves to line up his toys. It never occurred to me, until your suggestion, to direct that self-stimulatory behavior to line up the shoes in our entry or neatly stack throw pillows in the living room. Children really can help and contribute to the neatness–not just the disorder–of the home!
Shawna says
Thank you so much. Auntie, what do we do with the child (dramatic child) who insists on taking hours to do a 20 minute (on the outside) chore? I have bribed, threatened and carried through, fined and still he moves at the speed of mammal evolution. Part of me suspects that the little dickens is hoping that if he does a bad enough job I'll tell him he doesn't have to do it anymore. He is the 3rd child and very intelligent. Please any thoughts are helpful.
Breanna says
My brother did this. We could always get through things in a timely fashion if there was something fun happening afterward–i.e., “hurry up and wash the dishes because that movie's on, you don't want to miss it”.
_Leila says
Well, Shawna, you don't say how old this little dickens is. If he's under the age of reason, you just rotate through your arsenal, hoping to establish a better habit. Bribery and loud fast music are usually your best bets. Sometimes a smart spanking is the motivator. If you spank, make it up after a pause, and then make him do the job! (You can help him, but he has to do it.) But a very young child sometimes just needs a break. You aren't 'losing' if you cut back and regroup. Let some time go by rather than fight the same battle over and over. Check for adequate sleep and food! Then try a new plan of attack. Know that in a few years you won't remember this, although he probably will still be slow 🙂
Shawna says
Thank you. He's 8.
Jennifer says
We’re dealing with this with our 8 year old son. He has always taken his time on most things (not riding a bike though- he’s “super fast”)
I get most bent about how slow he is to get ready for school each morning, regardless of how early I wake him. My husband stole me today that he is probably reacting to what he’s heard all his life- “you’re so slow..” So he’s thinking (maybe even subconsciously) “I’ll show you slow.” Ugg. Talk about sewing and reaping. Meanwhile, my daughter is complaining of his slowness because she does not want to be late to school AND because she is copying what she has heard! Ugg- sewing and reaping!!
I’m determined to improve myself and apply some of this wise advice from Auntie Leila.
Since this post is years old, I’m curious as to how your then 8 year old is doing nowadays… Just for some perspective. Thanks!!
Jennifer says
Typo- my husband *told* not *stole*
Autocorrect– sigh.
Sarah says
Oh my word, thank you. Thank you! SO encouraging to know that it is normal for there to be curtain climbers! This was a good reality check for some of us idealistic young mommies with all little people! I've certainly been guilty of expecting both too much and too little of my little ones during different seasons… this is a good “cheat sheet” to help us all remember what can reasonably be expected. Time to celebrate those sweetly arranged critters on the bed!
ChristineC says
This is so beautiful, Leila. I only have three children, but I've noticed how cohesive? smooth? peaceful? the family is when we all have jobs to do. The children can't possibly nag me to leave to [go for a walk, bikeride, fun outing with them] if their own hands are busy with the clean up! I give vinegar and water to my kiddos at a very young age and let 'em have it with the glass. And the door knobs. My doorknobs are usually clean!
Anitra says
Funny, I was just thinking about this today. My not-quite-3-year-old daughter always wants to help me with hanging up laundry outside and with doing dishes. I am trying to follow through and come up with ways for her to help beyond just “go keep an eye on your brother” (7-month-old who always wants attention.)
I recently bought a dishpan so she can stand next to me with the dishpan on a low table and “wash” dishes. And we just got a new heavy-duty drying rack – I could be bringing that outside along with the laundry. Instead of trying to reach the clothes on the clothesline (which is about 7 feet from the ground), she can hang some small items on the rack instead.
The next step is for me to come up with more of a schedule so she knows when to expect these sorts of chores/opportunities to come up during the day. I am really bad at structure other than mealtimes and naptime (mommy MUST have quiet time/nap time!)
Glenda Childers says
I love your child raising posts. I always read them and finish by saying . . . “I wish I had written that.” Our styles must have been rather similiar. Now my kids are grown and keep their own homes well. YEAH.
Fondly,
glenda
Milehimama says
Sometimes children will assign THEMSELVES work they enjoy if you are lucky. At age 5 one of my daughters declared herself laundry helper. She finds satisfaction in folding things up, making things fit. My 10 yo adores caring for the baby, especiallly giving her a bath. I have to fight to give the baby a bath myself!
Semi-related to your Welcoming Entry post, my 5 yo has Foyer Duty as her room chore. This includes putting away the toys that always accumulate, putting away the shoes, etc. has helped make a difference. At least you can usually make it through the door without falling over now!
Put up with the mess because it will be worth it eventually. At 8, my daughter was always trying to bake. We had lots of disasters and messes as she learned how to do things. But now at age 10 she can make a cake for company from start to finish- or make her mama brownies 🙂
I need to work with the 2 yo more, though. She's #8 and almost always has an older playing with her (and picking up the mess).
One more tip- if you have a 2 yo and you have baby wipes, you never need to have another dirty baseboard. Set them to work on whatever room you are trying to get something done in. Mine also like to wash the fridge (well, up to 3' off the floor, lol) and front of the oven with a rag. Every little bit helps!
Milehimama says
Oh and for the lollygagger chores, what works here is to plan chore time directly before snack time. If the chore's not done in time, then there isn't any snack left!
Margo says
thanks for the shot in the arm! We believe in meaningful work around here, and you gave me some new ideas. I esp. needed to hear that spilled water is not a big deal – I know, I know – but spills during cleaning make me feel like I'm going BACKwards. I need to be more patient and keep the long view. Thank you, dear Leila.
Dawn says
And one day they will find a chore they love and do it without being asked…at age 8, my “organizer” daughter came to me and said, “Mom, I vacuumed out the toaster cabinet because it was full of crumbs.” YES!!!
Some of mine are more organized than others, but they are ALL made to work.
Emily says
Thank you, Auntie Leila! You're always so practical. This was a good reminder for me that my just-shy-of-three-year-old NEEDS to be included! (Hmm, perhaps that's why he's been following me around, asking to help all the time!) Time for mama to pay attention!
Oh, and I wanted to tell you that my 6yo is now taking the recycles out to the bin all by himself. One less task for mama, and he feels SO big!
Puffin Hen says
Love you, Auntie Leila. Thanks.
Kara AP says
Thank you for this reminder! I tend to encourage my husband to incorporate the boys in his work around the house or plan big fun work (like cooking) with me but I completly forget to include them in little things. I really need to move my cleaning away from nap time so that can be involved.
You are always such a blessing to me. Often when I ask a woman with older children how she did certain things says she doesnt remember because it was to long ago or that things were different back then. I appreciate that you've thought these things through and take the time to share with us all.
Kristi says
You are the BEST! Thank you for what you do to help other moms!
Sincerely, a new Catholic convert and mom of 6, ages 9 years – 10 days.
ramona says
New reader here…I love your blog! And I especially loved this post… and I'm missing the 3 year old who would do anything for me and was incredibly helpful.
I find it so strange, watching so many families (my sisters' included), that while we grew up doing chores, none of their children have chores to do. This has always been high on our priority list… developing a sense of sincere worth while nipping inthe bud any sense of entitlement. Some of my best times growing up were when I was helping my parents (I believe working TOGETHER is especially important)… I hope my daughter remembers it the same way.
Sarah in GA says
thank you! this is so helpful! i want to teach my kids the value of work and helping the family but i have struggled with how much responsibility to give. we have been getting into a school routine for the year and i noticed that my 4yr old has been a bit out of sorts. i think he needs some more responsibility and the opportunity to feel like he is contributing to our family.
Sarah in GA says
i should add that many of my fellow mommy friends were horrified when they heard i was having my oldest (then 4yrs old) help with laundry. but he loved to take clothes out of the dryer and fold so i gave him that responsibility. was it always done perfectly? no. but it got done and now at 6 he is completely capable of helping with the family laundry.
justamouse says
They are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. The problem in my house is that the girls, who love to do chores without asking, leave little for the boys, and I often have to tell the girls to stop, and tell the boys that the girls were not born into the family to serve them. 🙂 Actually, I try to teach the boys to be more observant so that they can see what needs to be done, too.
Dyan says
Wow! Another great post. You remind me of my mother-in-law. And yes, that is one of the highest compliments I can give. I really appreciate you taking the time to share what has worked for you.
Thanks a bunch.
Katherine Lauer says
Thank you, Leila! Just a few weeks ago, I really stepped it up with the chores I began teaching my 4-y.o. to do. Imagine my delight when he was thrilled to help *and* his 2-y.o. sister insisted on helping too. So now twice a week I stand there holding the baby, and telling my children the next steps in cleaning my bathrooms: wipe down counters, wipe surfaces of toilet, spray and wipe sink, wipe up hairs off floor, empty trash can and take trash downstairs, put in new trash bag. And what's hilarious is that the two of them fight over who gets to clean the toilet!
Anitra says
Never thought of that! I always feel like I'm too demanding if I'm asking my 3-year-old to do something while I'm holding the baby (rather than “helping” me do something while the baby is confined somewhere). And I haven't cleaned our bathrooms systematically in AGES because I don't want the baby getting into anything in there. (Although now that he's a little older, I could confine him in the tub.)
Jessica says
Oh my goodness, I needed this soooo much today! Thank you!
Rachel P. says
I saw a post on a site written by a mother who only has one child. She is currently writing an e-book on how to raise children in a minimalist home. I had to laugh when I saw that. Your reminder that we should not compare ourselves to other mothers nor our children to other children is exactly what we young mothers need to hear (that and we need to understand that a mother of one is really clueless). It's funny reading this post, because I had just sat down to relax and read a few blogs after deep cleaning my childrens' bathroom and bedrooms with their help. I have a seven year old boy who is extremely helpful, a two year old boy who is messy and a one year old girl who is cute. Everyone got a rag. Everyone wiped something. It was fun and the job got done and I know my kids will continue to offer to help because I will say, “Sure, I'll get you a rag.”
jamiemgottlieb says
Thank you this is great and very practical. I have my 4 year old doing some of these sorts of things and my 2 year old helping pick up toys (on good days!) and throw away diapers for the baby sometimes…but this is a great reminder to keep on doing it. I definitely did not grow up doing a lot of these things (no offense to my family!) and thus this blog is really helpful for me. Thanks to your post I was inspired to have my 4 year old boy butter bread for our grilled cheese sandwiches tonight (yes this was the planned dinner!), and I did let him windex a few windows and dust some blinds..your words about realizing it is better to have it done by a 4 year old then not at all really gave me something to think about. 🙂 Maybe my shoe obsessed 2 year old girl can become the “shoe straightener” soon.
Rachael says
I so enjoyed reading this post, I had to write about it myself: http://youngernews.blogspot.com/2011/08/what-can-…
Anyhoo, I needed to read about this — I've been thinking on it a lot.
Mrs. Pickles says
Thank you for this — how is it that you always post about something that I needed to hear right then?? And here I've been feeling guilty for all the work I've been making my kids do! No longer! Time to crack that whip!
I feel so counter-cultural already, comparing our family with the neighborhood kids (“what?? you empty your mom's DISHWASHER??”), that ANYTHING I ask them to do seems way strict. It's SO good being reminded that I'm equipping them for a happy adulthood by teaching them competence!
God bless you, Auntie Leila.
nil zed says
” A terrible job for a Mom — a great job for someone lower down to the floor! ”
For me, that was baseboard dusting, especially the bits that were visible around table legs when I didn't really want to have to move the table, or probably move the sofa in order to move the table. So of course it's a kid job. Eventually it got handed down to the youngest, who got stuck with it quite a while. One cleaning day she was reminded to do it and was complainy. I tossed out my long used line about her being closer to the floor than me. She pointed out that actually, she was at least my height and also had out grown her older sister by an inch so she was out of the baseboard business.
Shannon says
this is THE BEST!!!
momentsofexhilaration says
What a great post! My daughter is 15 months and she already cleans up her toys before bed – I think it's so important to have them helping early. And at this age, she loves to help!
Faleoh says
My five year old has he own brush and scoop to clean the floors and gets mad if she can't use them. She also folds the dish towels, has a hard time with the bigger ones. She's a very big help.
Kelley says
My 12 yr, 10 yr, 7 yr, and 5 yr have always had chores to do. Everyone always asks how I get them to do chores. Well I started when they were little. I have a few questions. My 7 yr. old it's like pulling teeth to get him to make his bed, get dressed, and fold laundry. He does it eventually but a snail could pass him on the road. I'm burnt out, and the timer doesn't seem as helpful as it used to. My 2 yr. loves to help too. Oh and how do you feel about allowance for kids. I want my kids to learn responsibility, and I'm not sure about paying them or not although I don't pay for making their beds, bedrooms or cleaning the play room as it is their responsibility. I have been paying them, so I don't know what to do now. Please Help Me with these issues!!
_Leila says
Dear Kelley, I can't address all your issues right now, but remember, \”we're all in this together\” — no paying for regular chores, in my opinion. You can pay for extra things that you would pay a neighbor child for. At your whim.
Katherine Lauer says
This blog post is so beautifully and wisely written. My 10- and 8-year-olds are Truly Indispensable to me. My 6-year-old is Quite Helpful. And this is a reminder to me that my 4-year-old needs to be Trusted More because He Can Do It Himself. My 20-month-old destroys absolutely everything, and the baby in utero needs me to sit down and put my feet up more often. Every pregnancy, I put my kids through a (thoughtful) new boot camp of refreshing and learning new chores, graduating up to new assignments, so that they can be very helpful when I’m incapacitated.