You are all so very sweet!
Sukie (we all agree that we can't decide whether she's our little Asian child — Suki — or our French child — Suzanne aka Sukie, not that I have any clue that a French person would have that nickname — so even though I'd say we have definite house style rules on most usage points, we just can't land on one spelling for her –at least I can't), you really surprised me.
I sat down to write a post and BOOM! There I was…
And then so many kind friends sent me birthday wishes, here and on facebook and by email, that I'm really overwhelmed.
I want to say that we all really enjoy comments so much, so I'm happy about that post because it brought you out! Some of you visited the comments for the first time, I think, yesterday, and hearing from you made my day.
Some of you are regulars, and trust me, I look for you! I love when you visit.
Having my son-in-law chime in — secure enough in his inner Marine to be the lone guy in a sea of ladies!! was awesome. My mother is so sweet, isn't she?
Although, some of the things you say show you have the wrong end of the stick, like when you assume my house is incredibly tidy or organized, or that my children or marriage are perfect.
You know that can't be, right?
As to the people, they are absolutely wonderful, and I love them to pieces.
They unload the dishwasher, placing one more baking dish in the cupboard up above the stove, and say stuff like “I'm going to take a picture of this to show your online friends just how organized you are! NOT!“
The point of what I try to do here can be found in what my friend Nancy says: that everyone has a spectrum they operate on, with lame at one end and fabulous at the other.
The lame end serves an essential purpose: if SHE can do it, so can I!
That's truly what got me motivated to write for you.
Which is the fact that I really don't have it together, but I do know this: how to function with a measure of peace, or at least a strong sense of what I'm doing it all for, while not really having it together.
That is very different from having it all together — but maybe no peace, and no clue where it all ends up.
Do you see?
Call it the story of the education of a girl who didn't know how to sweep a floor. I thought it might be more helpful to share what I've learned, just in case you are thinking of re-inventing the wheel, than all that fabulousness at the other end of the spectrum, telling you to re-fold your linens on a schedule (I'm sorry, Martha is such a scapegoat. She really has amazing taste. There are many, many like her, with less panache and true design sense, but just as much drive, and they are not helping those of us with novels to read and people to feed).
Or for that matter, making you feel like if you don't re-style your house all the time, live in a certain place with a certain lifestyle, or otherwise be the person you are reading about, you aren't much. (Never letting on that someone else is taking care of the children or doing the cleaning.)
It happens that God has blessed me with a somewhat photogenic, if repair-needy, house (I mean, it's basically in the condition you'd expect from wildly impractical dreamers with a minuscule, nay, non-existent, remodeling budget); and a truly lively, smart, and loving family (and yes, I admit it, they're photogenic too :).
They are perfect for me, all right, not least because they make me look good and like I sort of know what I'm doing. They'd probably drive you crazy.
But do you believe that God has sent you the perfect people and situation for YOU???
Because He has.
And as I wandered around the internet I realized I want you –other dedicated but perhaps frustrated moms — to discover this fact, rather than be made strangely discontent by all the supposed fabulousness. I found that I didn't like reading a big long list of things I could do to get “it” right (whatever “it” is — cleaning, homeschooling, cooking, organizing, being a good Christian). Too much information at once gives me an anxiety attack.
And beyond getting some order into this daily life with family, I have always wanted to communicate the sense of wonder, too, to struggling friends — the knowledge that sometimes the space to be silent is the best way to pass on the most valuable gifts — the assurance that we don't always have to be actively teaching, talking, instructing.
When Rosie started this blog, I found the means of getting my thoughts down on virtual paper, if only to be sure my children know a bit more about the journey they are on.
The fact that you respond makes me happy, especially because I've visited some of your musings, and I know that where I dabble, you excel. Where I try to plant a few tomatoes, you have a farm; where I store some jars of pickles, you put up food for a year. Where I try to smile, you are extraordinarily cheerful in adverse situations.
You are so nice to come here, and wait patiently for me slowly to work through all the steps of all the various things I have to tell you, and appreciate our different pace — what a very sweet gift to me and to my whole family.
Thank you!
scmom (Barbara) says
Happy belated! I missed the boat on your big day, but then I'm often late (I guess I'm good at it). And you are very good at helping me see that my inadequacies are o.k. — I can work on it. See how good you are!
Decadent Housewife says
Ha! I wondered if you knew. That's why only Buff knows my password – in case I die or something.
Kari says
1) Your sweet puppy is growing into a fabulous looking dog!2)Thanks for reminding us that God has given us the right people and situation for each of us individually! You're probably right, your family wouldn't fit with me and mine wouldn't fit with you. We're all different and need different bits of grace at points and different things to stretch us at other points. Some of the things I stress about, you'd probably laugh right past, but I still need to grow through them.Thanks for giving wise nuggets in the midst of a "Thank you" post! :)Kari
Barb says
Okay, I stay off the computer for a day and you go and have a birthday and I missed it!Happy birthday! It sounds like it was quite wonderful – full of family – which is always the best.I keep coming back because you are truly authentic. I check every day to see if there's a post from you guys in the Google Reader because I know it's worth reading, whatever it is.
Anonymous says
A friend of mine directed me to your blog around Christmas time. I've looked through a great many of the posts. I had been feeling so down, that I couldn't "do" my life – I could not be perfect. Even in the beginning of my reading of these posts, I felt the same. I felt, I cannot do this all. I am so far behind in becoming a good Catholic mom, now with only 2 left at home. But, I keep reading because what you have to say is so good. I then come to my senses with what you continually say: you are you with certain God-given gifts and we are all who we are. I love the fact that you are not perfect. It makes me (one who wants to be a perfectionist) not HAVE to be one and still do God's work. I appreciate today's post, especially because today on my morning walk, I was wondering why God called me to be a mother when the children seem to not listen (yes, I LOVED the Invisible Woman video) instead of a nun who could just pray most of the time. But as you said, He is right. I must mention, too, that your post on beginning the cleaning in my bedroom is the best piece of advice I'd heard and needed at that time. I have definitely set my minimum standard of living in that room and have kept it to that. My husband is much happier and so am I!Happy Birthday and thank you for sharing your talents/gifts from God.Cary
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing your sense of wonder and "the assurance that we don't always have to be actively teaching, talking, instructing." I, too, usually check daily (sometimes more than once a day) to see if you have posted anything new, because you are always so interesting to read and ponder. I stopped reading most blogs because I found that so many made me feel like I was doing things wrong. You, however, are encouraging. Sometimes I swear I can feel the wind move from the broom I imagine you are swatting gently at my behind in order to get me motivated. And always you keep God in the forefront of our lives. Thank you,Mom in MO
Aelinn says
I'm sorry I am terribly shy and rarely leave comments! You have helped us… I say "us" because my husband seems much happier with a wife who says things like, "Dinner's done and we have clean clothes, so we're okay," than a wife who says, "The bathroom's filthy and the floors need sweeping and the windows are covered in fingerprints and the cat… etcetera…" 🙂 So thank you! Big thank you!
Anonymous says
What Anonymous II said :-)I love what I learn here…Mrs. B.
Sue says
This:"But do you believe that God has sent you the perfect people and situation for YOU???"made me cry. Yes, I do know, but it's always good to be reminded (especially at just the right time). That's why we readers think you are fabulous, dear Leila! Thank you for sharing the portions of your life we see here and your God-given wisdom.XXOO
Shawna says
Thank you for hope! I'm so grateful for the insights that you have earned through experience. It encourages me when I feel like I'm drowning in the messiness of this life I'm living with these nice people God has given me.What kind of bird, if you please?
Anne R Triolo says
I have read the last two posts with Jack in my lap. He really appreciates the pictures of Roxy, the pictures of birds and of "Lie's House," and of course of Lie herself!
Leila says
Those are robins, and they are very good parents, despite having chosen a well trafficked area for their nest. The babies are cheeping…Aelinn, no pressure to comment…but when you do I love to hear from you!And all of you up there…And of course Jack is a cutie pie.
Renee' says
LOL, what a place to build a nest lol
Peter and Nancy says
Happy belated birthday, auntie Leila! I read somewhere else a post about being a "beta" wife and mother — as opposed to an "alpha". Thank you for a timely reminder that "good enough" with grace and love beats "perfect" every time. :o)Fondly,Nancy
Jackie says
Leila, You are awesome! Granted, I have a wonderful mother and grandmother who also impart their wisdom to me, but you do it in such an artistic way. Thank you! I'm so thankful that my friend recommended your blog…it's so serene. I also love that you use tons of pictures. 🙂 My uncle often references God's "unforced rhythms of grace" and it SEEMS as though you're enjoying just that. I also appreciate your honesty about how your house isn't perfect all the time, and especially that you're okay with it being that way. You make me smile, and I look forward to seeing what you have to say about…well…pretty much everything. May God bless you abundantly.