So, hopefully dinner and food shopping are going better. We'll talk about it some more. Seems like the kind of thing we can talk about every day, huh? Don't get impatient with yourself…stick with me and we'll take it one step at a time.
But in the meantime, it's good to think a bit about the laundry. Remember how important it is to be sure to at least do the minimum?
Namely, three pain-free meals a day and clean underwear…
And just so you don't think that I'm doing my laundry in a sort of washerwoman's paradise, I will show you this:
Which is actually in my back (that is to say, most used) entry way, so it has to look pretty much like this all the time. (At some point I had a vague idea to hang a curtain there, but that never materialized. Get it? Materialized? I slay myself with my wit…)
I mean, it should look better than that, but it's what I've got.
So I'm not Martha-ing you here. I'm just like you, only less sophisticated.
Okay. Here it is. The one thing you just have to grapple with to be able to emerge from the mountain of dirty clothes and the ocean of clean clothes at last. It's not all you have to do, but it's the indispensable first step.
Seriously.
(Whose room is that??)
And I don't just mean this for the shopaholics among us. I'm not just talking about the victims of the overgenerous grandmas and aunties. I mean it for the frugal, thrifty, “simple living” ones — all you out there with a lot of kids and not much cash.
In some ways, we have it worse, because we're afraid of letting go of something in case it could come in handy later on, and this is particularly hard when you know that the little sprouts are outgrowing their togs faster than you can find them at the thrift store.
Our family actually got by for several years when the kids were little purely on bags left on my porch by kind neighbors. Yet, this posed a problem. Anxious to keep anything with any possible use, I was actually making a lot of work for myself and preventing my children from helping me effectively.
The truth is, children will only end up wearing a few outfits on a daily basis. They don't like change; they like predictability. Not only is it no use fighting this trait, it's counterproductive. Their drawers and closets are so full of things they don't wear, they actually live out of their laundry baskets most of the time. They simply can't put things away.
In addition, they function within a paradox: they only want to wear a few things, but the knowledge they have many things gives them implicit permission to overuse the laundry system. Clothing doesn't fit in drawers, so it ends up on the floor, or if you are lucky, in a hamper. A garment on the floor is by definition dirty! So you are overwhelmed.
Here is what your pre-adolescent children need: a few, five at the most, bottoms (say, two pairs of jeans and two corduroys). A scant week's worth of tops. Two light sweaters. Possibly a vest. For boys, a good pair of pants for Sundays, and two good shirts. For girls, two nice dresses or two church-worthy skirts and two ditto blouses.
Much more than this, and you will find that it all sits in a drawer getting stuff heaped on it. If the child has six drawers and they don't close, you have an issue. (My older kids shared dressers, and basically had two drawers each. For all their clothes.)
Now, at the same time, each child also needs more underwear than you might think. First, socks.
Please, for the love of all that is good, try to buy socks in a minimum quantity of 6 to a pack. And buy two identical packs at a time.
Why? Because, this way, if you lose a sock, and then you lose another sock, you still have a pair! But with the cute unique socks you are getting them now, lose one and you are out a pair of socks. I once met a poor lady who had an entire laundry basket full of single socks. There were so many different styles you couldn't even hope to find the missing one in that pile if it happened to be there.
Buy the kind they like, which these days is ankle socks (but not super low in the winter). Never buy tube socks. Don't skimp on quality. Get them at Marshall's. Get the good kind. Get good tights for the girls. And one pair of dress socks for the each boy. He won't wear them anyway. Try to have at least 8-10 underpants, and at least 6 undershirts. You will be doing a bit less laundry by the time I'm done with you, so they need to have enough underwear to survive the gap, including if for some reason you are sick and can't get it done, the power goes out, or some other disaster.
Just go ahead and go through those drawers. If something is out of season, take it out. Ask yourself if you have seen each item on a person in the past two weeks. If the answer is no, give it away or put it in a box to try on the next kid. Maybe it's too small, too big, or he just doesn't like it. It's hard to accept that last one, but there it is. Just get it out of your life, at least for now.
Fewer outer clothes, more under clothes. That's the beginning of the path of laundry wisdom, according to moi.
If you need a more in-depth discussion of this aspect of the laundry, without pictures, check out my Worksheet I.
Pippajo says
Oh so much to comment on, so little memory!First, WHERE were you ten years ago when I was wailing and gnashing my teeth over all this stuff?Second, Washerwoman's Paradise…wasn't that the name of a novel or something?Third, you ARE like me, only much less scattered and messy.Fourth, I am not kidding, I was walking through my laundry room months ago and it dawned on me, we have too many clothes. There is no good reason for the the clothing-to-bodies ratio that exists in my household. Unfortunately, the very thought of having to sort through all my clothes makes me want to hide in the back of my closet. Only I can't cause it's too full of clothes I don't wear. Ha!But you know what? Today, I got halfway through a job that is only slightly less daunting: sorting through our files and papers. And if I can survive that, I bet I can survive the clothes sorting.Thanks for another brilliant post. I can't wait for more, more MORE!
sue says
I love this post. It's a radical concept because when you don't have clean clothes you tend to think that you need more when you actually need less! I would add that I always found it helpful to have two nice play outfits in the closet hung up that the kids could wear on outings. I say two because it often happens that you are out two days in a row for some reason and when you are out you often don't get the laundry done. And kids who share a room can often share socks, too.
Esther says
And I thought it was just my children who put their clean clothes in the washing basket because they were too lazy to put them away. I've even found some items in there that are still folded up. Thanks for doind these worksheets. They're great. Some of these things I do already so it's good to know I'm on the right track. (Coincidently we just sorted through our clothes yesterday and got rid of a whole heap of stuff. It's such a good feeling.)
Kris says
The truth is, children will only end up wearing a few outfits on a daily basis. They don't like change; they like predictability. –Absolutely brilliant and SO true!
Renae says
I'm doing a bit better with this concept. We are so blessed to have lots of children's clothes given to us, so drawers can easily overflow.And your wash room is 101X more beautiful than mine. My washing machine and dryer are in the junk storage room, I mean, the garage. 😉
Jen - Balancing beau says
oh -Laundry – don't even get me started…but you have. Too many clothes, too little time and what better reason than to have the kids become wonderful launderers/esses. 🙂
Decadent Housewife says
Leila,You've just met another woman with a full lost sock laundry hamper. 🙂
Freckled Hen says
I so agree with you about the too many clothes bit. I have learned this the hard way– moving often with a zillion boxes of "someday" things. Those are the worst boxes to unpack. I've also happened upon neatly folded brand new clothes that I had been saving for a growing child only to realize the growing child has already outgrown them. And yes you are right, always buy more underclothes! You should cross stitch that and hang it in the laundry room!
Aleta says
Years ago I heard someone say that when sorting through winter to summer clothes (or visa versa) it is a good time to weed out…if you didn't wear it last season at least once..toss it. It is a good rule, helpful but hard to do every time.Also I have a friend who is sooooooo thrifty she saves her extra socks for hankies, when in church a child needs one, they use one but crawl under the pew! It does look a bit funny.
Dari-Lynn says
Yes! In fact, I just decided to do this in my daughter's room 10 minutes before I read this. Must be fate. 🙂
Morgan Iverson says
We buy all black socks… so much easier to match them up.I used to have bags full of mismatched socks, I finally just recycled them and am sticking with the unicolour sock thing. Way Easier!
Arden says
I am mom to a brood and it's like you can read my mind! You made me laugh about the boys not wearing their dress socks. And the hand me downs? We came out of church and found the back of our 15 passenger van stuffed with bags of clothing. One bag was full of shoes that had lost their mate. Now what was I supposed to do with that? Give each child one shoe and tell them to hop? It's a lot of fun being mom to a bunch of kids.
Tricia says
My neighbor just delivered another box of clothes! I'm determined to get weed out the excess! Thanks for your post!
Nil Zed says
Oh, my mother was the BEST at keeping things like clothes and clutter sorted out and gotten rid of. Partly b/c we moved regularly and partly b/c she just couldn't stand clutter.I didn't appreciate this until I was a nanny one summer. One week the mom asked me if I could get the children's rooms in order for Grandma's visit on the weekend. As part of that, I did laundry one day. When I went to put the clothes away, I was shocked that their closets & drawers seemed to hold every single item of clothing they'd ever owned. From birth. They were 6 & 8 at the time. We walked over to MY house to get two boxes, and boxed up everything that was too small and put it in the garage. Later that week, at the kid's initiation, we did the same for toys, plus a box of broken beyond repair toys. (Those kids are in their 30's now. Bet those boxes are still in their mom's garage.)I was pregnant when packing for our overseas move. I sorted and tossed so much stuff, I actually had to go down to the garage and reclaim some stuff. Essentially, I'd kept my maternity clothes and a few favorite sweaters. I figured there was the off chance I might need some other clothes on hand, sooner or later!
entropy says
I just want to say how appreciative I am that you laid out how many of each article of clothing. Simply saying less clothes to me does no good but now I have numbers to work from. I realize I can adjust to fit our family but I love the security of having somewhere to start! Thank you!(What do you think that says about me? I think it's that I am too used to seeing things differently from others and that not always having a common perception makes me acutely aware that my "less" is not necessarily someone else's.)
Leila says
Dear Entropy,Thanks for coming by and thanks for your kind words!
Mrs Adept says
Finally – a person who knows something about laundry. Super refreshing to read. I am going to cull down the clothes now. 🙂 I just have to overcome the "what if I need it later" feeling. 🙂
Leila says
Common sense! If you have two girls 18 months apart, it does make sense to box up clothes that girl A isn't wearing so that girl B can give it a shot. But you know as well as I do that no one is going to wear 6 flannel shirts no matter how cute you think they are.Also, they really should be ironed if you don't want your boys to look lame. Do you want to iron 6 boys' shirts per boy on a regular basis?Get rid of them!
Kimarie @ Cardamom&# says
Love this! Found you from Meanwhile, back at the ranch… I have 9 children ages 14-2 and we always have people giving us stuff. Grandma will ask my kids where they got a new outfit, and they'll smile, saying, "From a grab bag!" Cutting down on clothes is truly the key. And my 5 oldest know how to sort laundry, run the washer and dryer, hang laundry, and fold. They each do their own "room's" laundry on assigned days, and help out with all the rest. Somedays if circumstances are such (busy with littles) that I can't get MY laundry done, I can ask a child to run my laundry through. AND just the other day I told everyone – "Look, you've kept me so busy getting after you and making you obey today, that I couldn't fold my laundry. YOU fold it – thank you very much!" I'm adding your site to my blogroll. 🙂
Margo says
you are brilliant. I benefit so much from your experience here. So thank you. I'm going to clean out drawers soon and stick to your advice.
Rachel P. says
I've just discovered your blog and am enjoying nearly every post. This one in particular rang true with me. I have a list for each member of my house of wardrobe essentials in my housekeeping book (a notebook in which I've compiled a few essential lists and directives). I've always kept up on laundry and received many flattering comments from other mothers about how smartly dressed my children are. It's all thanks to that list which is surprisingly similar to yours!
Carrie says
Hi! I love your whole site. 🙂 I grew up without knowing how to do anything, and I feel like I am reinventing the wheel sometimes, and then I come here, and you have such smart, common-sense answers for me! Anyway, I was wondering what your guidelines are for how much clothing mom and dad should have. We do fairly well with the kids, but my closet is stuffed! Of course, most of it is that I am perpetually trying to lose the "baby" weight. (Baby just turned four, though! 🙂 But also, just stuffed so that I have choices as to what to wear. Any advice?
Tamara says
Dear Auntie Leila,Please please please tell me… How many clothes does my HUSBAND really need? I have finally gotten a handle on my own clothes and on my kids (I only have 2, so it wasnt really that hard) … But my husband! I can do a hamper's worth of his laundry on Monday and he has a full hamper again on Tuesday evening. I don't know what to do!!! I asked him, but he just kinda laughed! 🙂
Leila says
Carrie (sorry, I don't know why I didn't see this before) — you just have to be honest and weed things out. Yes, you have to have choices and you have to have things there "in case" but things go out of style, they just don't make you feel right anyway, or they are not your color. Get rid of them!Tamara, you make me laugh. I have no idea what he's putting in there! You are on your own! XOXO
Betsy says
Hi Auntie Leila! I love this. I feel like, so far, I’ve had a pretty good handle on my boys’ clothes (ages 15 months and almost 3). I’m wondering when you “enforce” the suggested list. Did you have a few more changes of clothes on hand for the youngest children? I find that sometimes my almost-3-year-old can go through 3 changes of clothes in a day – especially bottoms since he still occasionally has accidents. So, if I stuck to the list you gave I’d be washing the boys’ clothes almost every other day. As it is, I wash their clothes once the hamper is full – usually every 4-6 days.
I’ve also tended toward the attitude of “well, my oldest may not love this shirt, but I think it’s adorable. Maybe his younger brother will wear it.” So, I end up keeping a fair number of clothes (I also have a 3rd boy on the way due the day before my oldest turns 3). The only way I’ve been able to keep the number of clothes down so far is to have a bin of clothes for each size (all seasons) and if the clothes don’t fit in that bin then I weed stuff out. It seems to work so far, but I’m wondering at what point that method should be changed. Once my boys are fully potty trained? Was there a particular age/size when you started sticking to the list you gave us?
Leila says
Dear Betsy,
I think the danger zone is reached when the laundry room is piled high with clothes, clean and dirty, and the drawers have clothes shoved in on top of clothes that no one wears.
You want to have enough clothing for the children so that you can get from one laundry day to another, but not so many that you can’t see anything in your house other than laundry.
As your children get older, you will find that it’s best to put their clothes in bins by size and season. But as long as you keep things under control now, you will be able to figure it out as you go along.
Jennifer says
In reference to the bin of mismatched socks…. For about a year, it has been fashionable with the children in our community to purposely wear mismatched socks! I wonder if this began as a result of the “lost” socks!! 🙂
I find that we are have to weed out old clothes each season. My son spends lot of time outdoors, so I keep a fair amount of pants/jeans with holey knees (I don’t like to sew) for him to wear at home and two or three pairs are in his closet for “going out.”.
Kate says
This was absolutely great! However, my one question is about teenage daughters (Mary, Claire, and Bridget) who can’t bear to part with any clothes. We don’t have room for all their clothes, but when I decided I was going to try to propose this to them, they let out wails of “Mom! We wear everything, practically. We can’t get rid of (insert name of item)!” While I do want them to understand that they need obey me, I also remember being similar when I was a teenager. Could you offer any advice, please? Or maybe something addressed to them. (They seem to listen better when it’ snot just coming from mom)
Leila says
Kate, you know, by the time a person is a teenager, they need to figure these things out for themselves. This is why I do like to do (and fold) the laundry — it helps me see WHAT is being worn and WHO needs an intervention.
1. They need to find room for their clothes because their rooms need to be orderly.
2. They need to put things that are not in season in marked bins in the storage area — and the things need to be clean when they are put away!
3. When it comes time for shopping, the old has to make room for the new! Donate or chuck.
The key to all of it is the orderly room!
Leah says
I remember reading this when you wrote it and i had a baby and a toddler. Laundry wasn’t much of an issue then. But now I have 5 and it has really gotten out of hand. We are moving and I’m determined not to take this laundry problem with me to the new house. We have WAY too many clothes. All of us. I would like to look at the worksheet to help me plan as we pack but I couldn’t open it. Im not sure what im doing wrong.
Leila says
Hi Leah — not sure what is going on — try this link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1bPwVYaGtEsDGuYYIdpBpwWenGOn7Ehogb9OG1PH6LYA/edit?usp=sharing
Heather says
Great advice. I love the idea of buying 2 sets of socks. But now my kids wear mismatch socks on purpose lol! At my house we have had to have less clothes out of necessity. Very small house , no “laundry room” but You are right to many clothes makes to much laundry! AND if it’s hit the floor even once it must be dirty, right? I can’t wait to read more of your posts.
Mama rachael says
Good advice. I’d make one change… my 5 yr old boy gets so dirty, nearly every day, he needs the 7 prs of shorts and 7 shirts. And 15 undies…. and I do laundry twice a week! …sigh… I hope he grows out of it, but at least he puts away his own clothes.
Mary W says
Ugh. Great advice but so hard for me to implement. I feel bad giving away all of the nice items and hand me downs we are gifted. But it’s no use keeping them (in a full closet and drawers) if they aren’t using them! I think I have my project for the week! 😀